Many of us think its important to convince a women that we’re powerful, rich, beautiful, clever, and funny. This is a mistake that will lead you, and her, to disappointment.
You can read Part 2 – She has feelings?. here
You can read Part 4: She can read your mind? here.
Understand this one thing and you will always do better with women than all your male friend’s put together…
Its not what she thinks about you… it’s how she FEELS about you.
This is monumental in making progress with women.
Let me just give you an example how this principle applies in real life.
Have you ever gone grocery shopping while hungry?
If so you’ve noticed how hard it is to only buy those items on your list… for some reason you end up buying extra peanut butter, pancake syrup and Hot Pockets. (At least I do…. *sad face* )
Why? Because our emotions dictate everything. Your feelings of hunger will over-rule your brain.
She’s like this too.
If you want to walk away with her phone number then you breast (mistype?) understand how to change her mood from bored to excited.
I met this beautiful brunette through Facebook and this was our second phone conversation… we chatted for a few minutes before I invited her to join me for coffee the next night at one of my favorite coffee shops:
Brandy: “Um, I’m not sure if I’m ready to meet you yet. I guess I just want to get to know you a little more first, know what I mean?”
Me: “Ha ha, oh man did I tell you that my mom is a Claymate? Do you even know what that is!? Oh my God “.. bla bla bla I started immediately into a story about how crazy my mom is for Clay Aiken. The story is brief and has a few funny punch lines. When I was done Brandy was laughing hysterically.
Brandy: “Oh my god thats so funny and crazy! I think I love your mom now!”
Me:” I know, isn’t she the best and the worst ever? Anyways I kinda have to run, so how does 7pm sound? I’ll show up early, so when you get there I’ll be the creepy guy making awkward eye contact with every pretty brunette who walks in. Actually, can you wear something totally fancy like your bright puffy prom dress?”
Brandy: “Hahaha. Actually its green if you can believe it! Oh gawd I haven’t thought of that dress is years! Anyways, sure 7 sounds good.”
In this example I did two things. I ignored her decline to my invite (Ignore and Score is a powerful tool that I explain in my book and my video course) and I went directly into a story that I knew would make her laugh and would make her feel good. And the more she was feeling good when chatting with me the more likely she was to comply with my date request.
Sometimes women are just in a bored mood and when you call them you catch them at a bad time. It’s a mistake to try to logically convince her into doing anything she doesnt feel like doing. Therefore it’ll go a long way if you make an effort to simply change her mood instead of trying to (unsuccessfully) change her mind.
This is a concept that will not only get you that first date, but will help keep your relationship strong in the long run. Always remember that its her mood that you want to influence, not her mind.
You met a girl at the club the night before, you had a great time, and you exchanged numbers. Three days later you finally get around to calling her. What do you say when you call? What’s important to remember?
First of all, don’t wait three days. Why? Because she’s already met 6 other guys who are also fun and cool and within 3 days she’s long forgotten about you.
Plus, when you met her in the club she was drunk and having fun with friends. When you call her 3 days later she might have just finished cleaning her cat litter box and might be pissed off at her mom. Her mood is way different, so you can’t just start in with, “Hey, let’s grab coffee.”
Why? Because if her mood is bad then her reaction to your requests will be bad.
Instead you need to re-establish how fun talking with you is. You need to remind her body how it feels to laugh, be playful, and have fun. So your job when you call her is to have 3 easy to remember banter lines, and story lines to toss at her in order to pick up her spirits. Think of this like memorizing funny jokes that you will share with her when you finally start talking.
So rule of thumb:
1) Call her the NEXT day so she can remember you.
2) Be fun. Tell her two quick stories that are funny, and that make her rember how fun you are. Possibly make them stories about the night before, and that happened after you saw her last.
3) Assume she remembers you, and that you’ve been best friends for life.
Try something like this:
Robby: “Hey Sam, it’s Robby. Or, I believe you were calling me Tiny Ears last night.”
Samantha: “Ha, oh hey Tiny… wait, should I speak up or can you hear me okay?”
Robby: “My ears are small but so is my penis. You know what’s funny!? I got home last night and laughed hysterically when I looked at my terrible hair in the mirror!”
Samantha: “What? Why?”
Robby: “My hair was a mess and all I could think was ‘does this girl have absolutely no standards!? She’s crazy for giving a guy like me her number. Ha!”
Samantha: “Ha! I thought your hair was pretty cute actually.”
Robby: “Well fair enough then. I was actually just chatting with my buddy, who’s meeting me in about 5 minutes…I’m at Chapters downtown waiting for him when I thought of you… and he was telling me about this sweet little cupcake place on Jasper Ave. Are you free to grab dessert with me sometime around 6pm this week?”
Samantha: “Oh I love cupcakes… sure, that’d be sweeeeeet. Ha! Oh lord that was lame. How about Wednesday?”
Notice how Robby focuses on being fun, and leading the conversation towards the date, without calling it a date?
Here are two examples of how men might try to engage a womans attention:
Steve: “Hi there, I saw you sitting here and I thought I should come over and introduce myself. My names Steve.”
Clair: “Oh, um, hi Steve, I’m Clair.”
Steve: “Um, well Im sorry to bother you, Im guessing youre not single eh? Hahaha…”
Clair: “Um, ya, actually I’m not.”
Steve: “Haha, I figured you wouldnt be. Well youre very beautiful! Well I just wanted to come say hi, but I’ll leave you alone now. It was nice meeting you Clair.”
Clair: “Oh thank you. It was nice meeting you too Steve.”
Notice how this conversation was boring, went no where, and how Steve engaged her from a negative mindset? He thought his chatting with her was “a bother,” and he assumed defeat immediately because he assumed she had a boyfriend. In a scenario like this she may or may not have had a boyfriend, but since it was so awkward Clair could have just as easily lied to get rid of the nervous tension.
Here’s another scenario:
Robby: “Hi there, I saw you sitting here and I thought I should come over and introduce myself. My names Robby.”
Clair: “Oh, um, hi Robby, I’m Clair.”
Robby: “Actually I came over here because I think youre totally cute and I needed to find out if you’re as shy as you look.”
Clair: “Haha, thanks, I guess. Wait, I look shy?! Hahaha.”
Robby: “Well you’re sitting alone, so I figured you were either waiting for a friend, contemplating which shoes to buy next, or you were simply too shy to come over and say hi to me.”
Robby nudges her with his elbow in a playful manner.
Robby: “Actually I can’t chat for long because I’m also waiting for a friend. But perhaps you can help me with something its been bothering me ever since it happened have you ever been to a masseuse?”
Clair: “Oh, like a massage therapist? Ya, I go sometimes. Why? What happened?”
Robby: “Oh great, now do you prefer a man or a woman touching you?”
Clair: “Well I suppose I prefer a woman, but I guess it wouldnt really matter.”
Robby: “Ya, I figure I wouldn’t care either but the last time I went I got this tiny little European man with the most amazing hands.”
Clair: “Haha, did he make you feel uncomfortable?”
Robby: “Well I usually get this one girl because shes great at it, and instinctually I really do prefer being naked with women over men, but she was away so I got the European. But here’s what was weird… he did a few techniques I’ve never really experienced before…”
Clair: “Haha, what did he do to you Robby. Its okay if you tell me, itll be our little secret.”
Robby: “Well, for one thing he oiled up my chest and messaged it deeply which I’ve never had before. And then he even rubbed my belly. I gotta be honest, I don’t know how I feel about that.”
Clair: “Hahahaha. I think thats kinda weird. You might not want to see him again.”
Robby: “I know right!? Oh man this is terrible.”
Robby: “Well you haven’t made me feel better at all. I came over here because I was expecting you to totally alleviate my worry, but you’ve only made things worse! You’re like the worst best friend I’ve ever had.”
Clair: “Hahaha. Ya, my friends keep telling me that.”
Robby: “You know what, why don’t you come join me. My buddy is really taking his time, and when your friend arrives they’re welcome to join us too.”
Clair: “Hahaha. Well I better wait till she gets here and I’ll see what she feels like doing.”
Robby: “That sounds great. Well it was nice meeting Clair, take it easy.”
Ive allowed this second scenario to be a little lengthy because I wanted to show how Robby brought much more feeling into the conversation then Steve. Where Steve went wrong was that he was talking to the girl because he had a very clear agenda: meet an attractive girl, let her know he’s interested, then wait to see if she’s single and also interested. What Steve didn’t do was allow her to get to know him a little before expecting her attraction. Most women are not going to simply become attracted just because you had the balls to approach her. She wants to get to know your personality first.
Robby brought a story that involved ideas of physical touch, being sexually unsure, and some laughs. These things will bring her out of her head, and into the moment. And at no time did Robby ask her if she was single, nor did he put in on the spot by asking her out without first getting to know her a little. This conversation might grow longer, especially if she joined him and his buddy for dinner. Even if Clair didnt join him for dinner he could still go up and talk to her and her friend later in the evening. He’s left himself many more opportunities to make a date with Clair.
This process of influencing a woman’s emotions is the core reason some men find it very easy to meet and attract women, and some men struggle. When women go out to meet men they might tell you they’re looking to meet a guy who does X and Y and who meets her long list of criteria, but in reality its the man who most effects her feelings and emotions that will win her attention, attraction, and eventual affection.
Do not underestimate how important this concept is. Its not only fundamental – its the foundation of attraction building. Her emotions almost always dictate her decision making. Don’t waste time connecting with her mind until you”ve connected with her emotional body.
Have you ever seen a fat guy who simply can’t lose weight? Why? Because his feelings tell him to eat. Even though his brain tells him “no” his emotions will often ruin his diet. Everyone has this struggle, including women.
You see, it doesn’t matter what her “preference” for men is, it will always come down to how you make her feel.
If women only dated men with six-packs and thick bank accounts most men would be single. But I’ve been to the mall and I’ve seen the types of men women are dating. Trust me when I say ANY GUY can get a girlfriend. I don’t care who you are or what you look like.
If you can learn how to make a girl FEEL something, then you will easily win your way into her heart.
How many Hollywood movies are based on this very premise? The main female lead HATES the male lead, but somewhere in the middle that HATE gets switched to LOVE and everyone ends up married. Why? Because it’s not about what she thinks about you, it’s how she feels.
What’s worse than a girl hating you?
A girl feeling indifferent.
If she feels nothing for you then you could never exist and she wouldn’t even care. At least if she hates you she’s feeling something!
P.S. You can read Part 4: She can read your mind? here.
P.S.S. Did any of this make sense? Ask me questions in the comments below.