The Deadly Sins of Attraction: Acting Needy

Developing the skills to meet and attract women takes time, patience, and a willingness to experience different interactions.

If you’re great with women and dating it’s because you took the rights steps, over and over again. If you’re terrible with women and dating it’s because you took the wrong steps over and over again. By the way, standing still is just like taking the wrong steps: doing nothing is still a choice.

What we don’t always realize is that our failures can become just as habitual as our successes if we don’t pay attention to the results we’re getting.

This means that if you’re struggling to attract and keep quality girlfriends in your life then you’ve likely mastered the wrong things. We are all the masters of our own habits and are each responsible for the lives we’ve developed for ourselves.

When we behave in ways that push a woman away then we’re committing sins that are killing her attraction. I will call these the Deadly Sins of Attraction.

The Deadly Sin of Attraction Number 1: Acting Needy

There are very few things that you can do that will make a woman instantly unattracted to you, like acting needy. Women are surprisingly forgiving when it comes to the silly things we men do, but the negative things that acting needy sub-communicate are so completely undeniably unattractive that she’ll run in terror from you the instant you do them.

What does it mean to be needy?

Being needy is something a newborn baby does. It s dependent upon someone else for its nurturing and growth. Mothers don’t mind because their role as a parent is to nurture and domesticate.

Being needy is NOT something a man does.

If you’re a grown man, and you’re displaying neediness then you’re sub-communicating that you d likely be a burden, a leech, or an emotional vampire.

Women are naturally attracted to men who are fun, confident, funny, intelligent, emotionally mature, and who seem to have something to offer. Women are NOT attracted to a man whosub-communicates that he s a burden.

The key is to NEVER display signs of neediness. it’s really that simple.

How does a woman know if you’re needy? Your actions and behaviors tell her if you’re needy or if you’re fun and attractive.

Obvious indicators that you’re a needy guy

Unless you want to instantly repulse a woman DO NOT do any of the following:

  • Don’t call/text/email her 5 times simply because she hasn’t returned your call yet. example
  • Don’t act overly interested, overly aggressive, or too forward when you first meet her. If you don’t even know her yet then why are you acting like she s so important? This shows her that you lack subtlety and will instantly come across as desperate.
  • Don’t waste time/energy seeking her approval. Asking her Am I your type? or are you having a good time? is a great way of saying I have no confidence and I need you to tell me how to feel. Please like me!
  • Don’t sit around the phone waiting for her to call. This includes immediately replying to her email/facebook/myspace/text message. This reeks of needy. She knows you were sitting there waiting because you replied four seconds after she sent it. Live an active life style and reply when you get some free time.
  • Don’t stop dating other girls the second you meet one you really like. This puts too much importance/pressure on this new girl before you’ve even given yourself a chance to get to know her. Only stop dating others once the two of you have decided upon a committed relationship, and this should never happen quickly. Needy guys settle as soon as they can, while non-needy men take their time and act more selective.
  • Don’t try to spend every free night you have with her. Unless you’re only free once a week this will come across poorly. She would rather you were busy having a life and not sitting at home alone waiting for her to visit.
  • Don’t cancel your other appointments simply because she s suddenly free. If she seesyou cancelling on your other friends just for her she’ll see how little value you have on your time and on your friends. Attractive men are sometimes the hardest to schedule time with because so many other people are vying for his time. she’ll appreciate the time she DOES have with you so much more!
  • Don’t act jealous when other guystalk to your date. Jealousy kills attraction, especially when you’ve only first started dating. For example: you’re on a date and she gets a text message from a guy you don’t know. The best thing is to not notice or care. The worst thing to do is continue to ask her questions about the guy. This also includes asking her endless questions about her last boyfriends in comparison to you.
  • Don’t waste your dates kissing her ass while trying desperately to please her. This includes gift giving, spending money, giving her endless compliments, or otherwise putting her on a pedestal. Woman like being worshipped by some men but they don’t respect or feel attraction towards these guys.
  • Don’t brag. This is the same as the point above but I feel it deserves itsown point. Bragging is the best way to sub-communicate I don’t think you could like me as I am so I m going to try to impress you with my many useless accomplishments instead. Here they are in alphabetical order. This is sad.
  • Don’t supplicate or accept bad behavior from her. If she does or says something you don’t like, it’s your job to challenge her. If you allow her to walk all over you she’ll NEVER feel attraction for you, and worse she’ll lose respect for you too. it’s through the resistance of difference that sexual tension grows therefore if you don’t resist she’ll see that you’re just another spineless nice guy that she doesn’t want to be around.
  • Don’t force her to drive the bus. If you’re asking her out on a date, then it’s your job to take her on an adventure. When you pick her up for your date it should all be mapped out in your head. it’s not her job to suggest where to eat, what to do, or where to go. If you’re wasting time with questions like Well what do YOU want to eat? Where do YOU want to go? then you’re asking her to drive. She WANTS you to drive. Being a man sometimes means leading. If she really doesn’t want to do what you have in mind she’ll say so.
  • Don’t try to win her over by being exactly the same as her. Commonality is good for comfort and bonds friends but it’s not as useful in building tension and attraction. Plus, as soon as you’re not being yourself she’ll be able to tell. Women are finely tuned to the body language of others, and when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone to act or behave as someone else so as to impress, please, or comfort her, she’ll be able to tell. She might not know why you’re acting weird but it’ll creep her out, and she’ll assume there s something wrong with you.

Here’s something you should realize: sometimes you have to fake it till you make it.

Perhaps you really ARE needy. This doesn’t mean you have to ACT needy. Step into the shoes of a guy who doesn’t smother a woman with affection, attention, phone calls, emails, or emotional drama simply because he’s desperate for her approval, and watch how quickly your success with women and dating turns around!

Just because you’re hungry doesn’t mean you should eat.

Just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you have to behave needy.

Sometimes we must use our common sense to dictate our behaviors, instead of letting our emotional bodies decide for us.

Be a man, make the right choice, and don’t act needy!

~ Robby

11 thoughts on “The Deadly Sins of Attraction: Acting Needy

  1. A. says:

    Thank you for this article. Everything written in this article really works both ways. I do not believe men appreciate any of the above deadly sins in women either!

    Women do not like neediness for one reason (it is basically the same reason why men do not like neediness in women):

    Yes, being needy is childish for the simple reason that it is self-centered behavior. When a person is too needy, it indicates a general lack of trust, respect, and empathy. Sure you've got needs, but the person you are dating does too! You do not own that person. She should not be expected to sacrifice her responsibilities, work, hobbies, friends, family, and breathing space.

    Neediness ruins all relationships. Most needy people I have met have trouble not only forming stable and valuable relationships, but forming good friendships too. Needines= a display of a negative mindset and anxities. Having a negative mindset destroys all possibilities of a positive outcome.

    However, it is important not to play games either. Don't become a mean guy just to avoid "seeiming needy", because remember dating is not about "making someone like you." It is about letting someone discover that they like you as well as you discovering that you like that person too! The only way you can let that discovery happen is by letting go and being yourself. Both playing "hard to get" and "neediness" are examples of trying to force an attraction to happen. Trying to force an attraction to take place is never romantic, attractive, or magical. It is forced like bad comedy. So do not do it man!

    Just let things happen naturally and be you!

  2. Andrew says:

    you are very right and correct Robby, we have unfair double-standards in our society and culture, like it's okay for women to seek validation from men but not okay for men to seek validation from women.

    • Robby says:

      There is definitely a rainbow of behaviors between needy and a feeling of abundance.

      Your actions alone don't dictate your motivations. So instead of worrying about "appearing needy" or "behaving needy" you should pay attention to how you FEEL.

      If your actions are dictated by feelings of neediness, then you're acting needy. It's really that easy.

      And if your actions are dictated by feelings of excitement, enjoyment, anticipation, etc, then perhaps you're not being needy, just excited.

      It's all about how you feel, because she'll pick up on that.

      If you're trying to kiss her because you're desperate to make her like you, then you're being needy. But if you're trying to kiss her because you really want to feel her lips against yours, or because you want her to feel as good as you do, then you're likely not being needy.

      Either way you SHOULD at lease TRY to kiss her before the third date, otherwise you've missed your window.
      ~ Robby

  3. Sid says:

    Dude, I cannot thank you enough for your wise words.

    I got dumped about 5 months ago, and I just couldn't understand why.

    I have realised now that, I was being an idiot by not being "the man" in the relationship.

    THanks again.

  4. Mr. Ali says:

    Great article – this is a great reminder. I printed this out and posted on my fridge LOL – J/K.

    Great Stuff – makes me realize some of things I need to keep in mind.

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