Rejection Protection Syndrome: A Deadly Dating Disease


It’s a monster that’s been hurting men since the time of Jesus.

It creates drunk idiots. It creates douchebags. It creates fake personalities. It creates sad women everywhere.

In one moment you feel compelled to talk to that cute little blonde who’s sitting alone, and the next second you’re wondering how it all went so horribly wrong.

Do you suffer from the 7 symptoms of Rejection Protection Syndrome?

What is RPS? It’s about your fear of rejection and the crazy things your ego does to protect it’s self.

Every man has suffered from Rejection Protection Syndrome (RPS) at one time or another, and more then likely you’ve had more then one symptom of it. Your fears and insecurities, driven by your ego, may sometimes compels you to resort to multiple “attraction tactics” in an attempt to avoid the imagined pain of rejection, with devastating consequences (such as a lack of dating opportunities or mate choice.)

The root of this disease (unease) is your fear of rejection, or more accurately your fear of what that possible rejection might mean (about you.) Your ego, in an attempt at self preservation and possibly the enjoyment of emotional drama, will fill your head with the voice of reason which is meant to guide you from pain and suffering, but instead can completely sabotage your success:

– If she doesn t like me that means I m a loser.
– If she doesn t like me that means I m ugly.
– If she doesn t like me that means no girl like me.
– If she doesn t like me that means others will laugh at me.
– If she doesn t like me that means my friends will tease me.
– If she doesn t like me that means it ll be awkward every time I see her at work.

I suspect deep down you realize that none of these “logical” conclusions are accurate, or even remotely helpful, except in that they help you avoid meeting new women.

When you suffer from RPS you might not even realize it… especially since it stays well hidden until you’re in the heat of battle (interacting with an attractive woman.) This is when most of our insecurities arise, when we re most vulnerable. RPS is your ego s way of protecting you.

The ugly realization is that as you work to protect your ego, inflating it by bragging, stroking it with endless encouragements, and attempting to puff up your importance as a means to positive emotional growth, you’re actually training yourself to become externally dependant upon the approval of others and the outcomes of external events. Instead of leaving you erect with excitement, strengthened and purposeful, you’re left feeling nervous, dependant on the next good outcome, and helplessly flaccid.

The Ego makes pussies of us all.

To overcome such a disturbing future of listlessness and dependency, I propose a more useful approach: independence of social validation and approval through self development and acceptance. You can overcome your dependence upon the demands of your ego and the demands of social expectations by educating yourself on the symptoms of RPS, by learning what drives you to fear social rejection, and understanding your genetic predisposition for social acceptance. With some basic awareness you can begin to develop more useful behaviors, positive and effective attitudes towards dating and women, and redevelop your internal foundations of self and acceptance.


Example of Analysis Paralysis:

Dude thinking to himself: Oh God, look at that woman s legs. Amazing! Okay, I ll go talk with her. Shit what should I say? Hmm.. Well I know girls like opinion openers; maybe I should ask her the one about the white belt and the shoes? No, she s looking really upset about something. Well maybe she s just tired from a long day. Oh man, wait. She s got a funny purse. Yes, I should ask her about her purse. Wait no that s lame. What did David DeAngelo say I m supposed to do? Shit, I can t remember. Let s see maybe she s the type who s really into tall guys let s see if she looks over here

This scenario ends with the girl walking away before the dude get s out of his head long enough to engage her. Or perhaps he spends his nights reading Pickup books instead of out in social situations training his skills, building his strengths, and learning from his mistakes.

Often highly intelligent men lake strong social skills because their early life s focus was on their education and schooling, instead of sneaking out late socializing in groups. This leaves them to feel awkward in social situations that everyone else seems comfortable in. I know many guys like this, who are simply too smart for their own good, and who simply believe they can think their way into her pants. Except that “thinking” is slow and often ruins the spontaneity of a sincere interaction with a woman. Sometimes thinking can’t compete with the speed of intuition and experience.

“The ill effects of thought come about when we forget that thought is a function of our consciousness.. an ability that we as human beings have. We are the producers of our own thinking.”
~ Richard Carlson

If your brain is preventing you from meeting women then do this: study and prepare while at home and be willing to trust yourself once you leave the house. Don t let your fear keep you in your head when you should be walking over to meet new people. If you simply can’t rely upon your brain to loosen up when you’re in the storm of an interaction, then take the time BEFORE HAND to memorize some very basic banter lines which you can use when you’ve been abandoned by your brain.

Another approach is complete honesty and sincerity. You’d be amazed at how well a woman will react to a guy who’s really nervous, but who’s also really sincere, sweet, and funny.


Example of Preemptive Rejection:

Dude: Holy God that woman is beautiful! Look at her skin, her face, her perfection. Wow. Oh man, I bet she is married. Wow, I m nervous just thinking about walking over there to talk to her Oh wait. Look at how she s flirting with that cashier. Oh man, I could never date a girl that looks that beautiful because then I d have to deal with every other guy trying to get in her pants. Why would I want that kind of frustration in my life? No, she s not really my type.

Instead of taking the chance of meeting an amazing new person, we ll sometimes find faults with a girl before we give her a chance so that we never have to take the risk of her rejecting us. This is where some of society s worst prejudices come to mind: She s a slut, she s easy, she s a prude, she s too uptight, she dresses like a hooker, she’s a bitch. It’s easier to judge her in advance of her judging us.

No woman is the mask she wears when she s in public.

No woman is the mask you place on her before you get to know her.

Learning to control your fear of rejection will greatly reduce this self-sabotaging attitude of pre-judgement. Pay attention next time you find yourself judging a woman you haven’t yet met.


Example of Expected Rejection Protection:

Dude 1: Um.. hi! Hahaha um, so what brings you girls out this evening? Hahaha Um.

Chick 1: Oh, ya, we re out just having some drinks, talking girl stuff actually.

Dude: Well I just wanted to, um, come over and tell you how beautiful you are. I guess you likely have boyfriends eh? Hahaha

Chick 2: Um, thanks. Um, well ya, we re both taken. But thanks for the compliment.

Dude: Hahaha, ya.. well I figured you would. Um, well in any case it was really nice to meet you gals! Have a good night!

This symptom is the most widely suffered amongst men. It manifests it s self so completely that we re almost completely blind to it. This symptom might not even stop you from meeting and approaching women, which is why it goes unnoticed, but it will ruin your chances of putting your best foot forward.

Here’s the problem – assuming lower value than her and therefore assuming her disinterest. It’s that simple, but it’s devastating to her attraction levels. As soon as a girl senses your lack of confidenece she’ll automatically start feeling less attraction towards you – she’ll see it in your eyes, she’ll hear it in your voice, and she’ll feel it in your energy.

If you walk into a situation where you’re meeting a woman, and you’re expecting her to reject you, then you’ll actually start acting nervous, detached, and creepy. This will almost always sub-communicate to her that you’re unstable in some way. This is not a good way to make a first impression.

Ever notice how different women respond to you when you already have a girlfriend? This is because your mind and body is relaxed while you are seeking rapport and comfort, instead of dreading rejection and embarrassment. Pay attention and trust in yourself because you’re actually a pretty decent guy.


Example of Self Sabotage:

Drunk Dude: Ha ha ha, oh man, you have huge boobs! Hey, I hope you brought enough for the rest of the class burp

This symptom is very much like expected rejection projection, except instead of assuming her rejection you actively seek it. This tricks you into feeling like you’re in control of her rejection.

If you watch Big Brother this season you’ll notice Chima displayed this exact behavior the second she became nominated for eviction. Through out the entire game, for weeks, she was seen as a “powerful female” in the house by many of the other contestants, yet the second she was in danger of being voted out (read: socially rejected) she became completely infantile by refusing to take orders from the producers. This forced the producers to simply eject her from the show. It looked pathetic and sad.

By acting like fools we might feel we’re taking control of a woman’s rejection but this isn’t true. But the reality is that acting childish, or self riotousness, damages our own feelings of integrity. It can be a sad display of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy.

This does more than push women out of our lives before we even get to know them – it encourages and reinforces immature behaviors within our own minds.


Example of Actor 3000:

Dude: Well hello there well aren t you beautiful wow sooooo what s your name sexy?

Chick: Oh my God.

Dude: Is your dad a thief? Because it looks like he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Often, when we feel nervous about the possible rejection from a beautiful girl, we ll start acting slightly differently than we usually do. This causes us to look and feel incongruent. This might make you sound like the cheesy pickup-line guy, or possibly the arrogant business man who s always bragging about his work.

We guys will sometimes become this fake actor character for two reasons:

1) We unconsciously feel that we re not good enough to attract the woman we re interested in, so we try to act like the kind of guy she WOULD be attracted to.

2) We lessen the pain of rejection by explaining away her reaction to us: Oh she didn t reject me; she rejected the character I was playing.

Both of these approaches do very little to push a woman s natural attraction buttons and it does everything to protect your ego. Again the ego can disrupt a connection with a woman.

Don’t be a douchebag…


Example of Premature Ejection

Dude: Haha, you girls are funny. So how do you know eachother?

Chick: Oh I we know eachother from work. So what are you up to tonight? Just out having drinks with the buds?

Dude: Ha ha, pretty much. Um, so what do you do for a living?

Chick: We both work as nurse s at the Royal Alex Hospital.

Dude: Oh that s sweet. I love nurses. Oh man, I ve got this rash I need you to look at Ha, just kidding. I bet you hear that all the time eh?

Chick: Hahahaha, ya, why do people feel they need to show us their ailments all the time? It s gross.

Dude: Ya.

Chick: Ya.

Dude: Um.

Chick: .

Dude: Um. Well it was really nice to meet you girls! Have a good night.

This symptom makes me so angry.

This is when a you eject from a situation without any other reason except that you’re too nervous to escalate. In the above conversation the dude became too overwhelmed with some slight conversational silence, so instead of asking for the girl’s number he simply ejected early.

We guys tend to understand, at least on an emotional level, that there are certain stages of an interaction that flow from meeting a woman, to holding her hand, to kissing her, to sex. Our fear is that if we screw up an interaction with a woman in a later stage (like going in for a kiss on the third date) we’ll be sent back to stage one with her.

But this isn’t true at all.

If you’ve made plenty of ground with a woman, and you go in for a kiss but she rejects it, you don’t start all over.

As you date more and more women you ll come to understand that it s the woman s job to slow our escalation, and it s our job to accelerate it. When she stops us from a certain stage of the relationship, kissing for the first time for example, this doesn t mean we re all the way back to step 1. It simply means she wants the relationship to stay where it is for the moment. Her “no” will often mean “not yet.”

It s better to attempt to escalate the relationship and have her stop you, then to eject out without even trying. Trust me, you won’t regret the kiss she rejected, you’ll regret the kiss you never tried to get.


Example of Emotional Walls and Barriers

Mandy: Dave, we ve been dating for a few months now but I still have no idea what you do, and how you feel about me, about life, about anything? Why won t you talk with me?

Dave: Oh, I don t really feel comfortable talking about feelings and such.

Mandy: Well how can we move this relationship forward if you re all closed off to me?

Dave: We don t need to talk about feelings to have sex! We just have to take our clothes off!

Mandy: You re weird.

Women need far more emotional comfort and rapport then men when it comes to sexual intimacy. When a woman opens herself up to a man sexually she s putting herself into a very real vulnerably position, physically and emotionally. If, as a man, you re unable to show your own vulnerabilities with her, then she ll always have reasons to mistrust you.

Being a man takes more then simply being physically brave and courageous; it takes personal patience, introspective thought, personal development, and a willingness to be vulnerable with your woman. If you have walls and barriers that keep you emotionally unattached to the women you date then you will inevitably always diminish any connection you ll make with them.

Don’t be Dr. House.

Remember – attraction is about feelings, tension and energy. Take time to develop your own awareness of the demands of your ego, and the danger it posses to your dating life. Simply being aware of possible bad behaviors can be enough to change them.

Always assume the best, of yourself and her, and you’ll find that over time you’ll get it more times then not.

~ Robby

2 thoughts on “Rejection Protection Syndrome: A Deadly Dating Disease

  1. Erika Fiore says:

    Well, I had to comment that your article is so right! I'm always opened to conversation, but lately guys are so…slow to act. =/ I mean, its just talking. But whoever has RPS will make that a life trial, like they are in court to get death sentence.

    And believe me, girls suffer from that too. I know some who are terrified to even look at a guy.

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