Why is she being so mean to me? I honestly am being the nicest guy ever!
So I met this girl at work, she was pretty nice to me, she laughed with me, we would have lunch together and I would see her looking at me as well. She would smile at me and wave from far away. Everything was going perfectly. I honestly really thought she liked me.
Then I asked for her number one day, I started texting her her and that is when everything started changing. She wouldn’t be as attentive anymore and she wouldn’t be as jolly; she always answered by the way. Then everything went downhill when I decided to call her – she answered but she was like “I am talking to my parents, I can’t talk right now!” but she was pretty nasty about it. I told her I would call her later, but I never did figuring that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.
I texted her asking what the problem was, she told me that it made her uncomfortable me calling her and texting her and that from now on she only wanted to talk at work and that was it.
So I was like “ok.” The next day I tried to talk to her but she was very short and cold with me, she wouldn’t look at my face and then she left. Since then it has being like that, she doesn’t look at me, she doesn’t talk to me, it’s like we are complete strangers now. It is the weirdest thing ever.
I honestly don’t know what I did wrong.
It’s hard to say really… getting her number and texting and calling are all good things to do. You’re escalating and that’s a positive!
The odds are that somewhere along the line you weren’t being calibrated to her response. Meaning somewhere she was hinting that she wasn’t as into the texting as you were and so when you kept escalating to a phone call she was annoyed that you didn’t get her earlier hint.
Probably you were way more into it than she was but you didn’t notice. This happens to the best of us, so don’t beat yourself up. But pay attention!
The key with proper relationship escalation (from meeting, to texting, to calling, to touching, to kissing, etc) is to MATCH HER INTEREST. Basically you should mirror her amount of contact, and the frequency of contact that she uses. So only call or text as much as she does.
For example: if she never calls and only text’s, then you do the same. If she texts you three word messages, every other day, then you do the exact same. Otherwise you’re more likely to smother her with interest which might freak her out and push her away.
And when she said she didn’t want to talk outside of work any more that was her way of saying, “Whoa… too much interest… take a step back and relax.” Which is okay, as long as you do it immediately and without fuss. It’s possible to recover from this, but only if you’re calibrated and she hasn’t been too freaked out… although she’s clearly but you out in this case. Like I explain in my book it takes time to learn how to ignore your impulse to text too much in order to score her interest!
By giving her space you’re giving her the gift of missing you. This takes patience but it works. Seducing women take time and practice… lots of practice. It’s okay to mess up if you’re willing to learn from it!
This isn’t a measure of who you are as a man, it’s just an indication of your situation. It didn’t work out. And that’s perfectly fine.
Success comes from testing each new relationships, like you did.
And sometimes it’s a hit, and sometimes it’s a miss. And each miss is a step closer to the next better women. Next time give the girl more space. Don’t smother her with interest. And to keep yourself from becoming too invested you should always be dating other women too. This way your energy is spread out and not focused like a hot red laser on the one girl.
So brush it off, act fun and normal at work, and move on as fast as possible!