Question: Why doesn’t my boyfriend have more sex with me?

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Question:

Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

When we were first going out we had sex at least 3 times a week. We’ve been together for like, a year and a half and it has just gradually become less and less frequent. Now, for the past month, we’ve had sex maybe twice. We’re together all the time outside of work, so there’s really no way he can cheat on me, which I don’t think is the case. I feel like he’d rather play video games and watch p*rn than have sex with me.

And this is weird to me because he’s 26 and I’m 20. I don’t feel like I’m any less attractive than a year ago, but I just don’t know why he doesn’t want to have sex with me? Because trust me, if he wanted to then he would.

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Answer:

The male libido is a funny thing. If work is stressful, or school is stressful, or if we gain weight, it will often drastically lower our sexual drives.

Plus, sexual attraction relies heavily upon tension. There is always tension at the start of a relationship. And there is tension when couples fight. But when couples spend all day, every day, together they become very comfy together (which kills tension and builds rapport.)

It doesn’t mean a loss of love or attraction, it’s just a lack of sexual tension.

So, instead of continued into build rapport (connection) you need to spice up the relationship slightly by randomly breaking rapport (and therefore building tension.)

You know who’s good at this? Strippers. They seduce. They take their time. They tease.

You need to become slightly less predictable.

Mix it up!

This makes him slightly less comfortable.

And everything slightly more fun.

Here are some basics that might help…

1) Don’t let him see you naked. Unless you’re about to have sex. Simply don’t do it. Pretend you’re being modest if you have to… but don’t let him see you naked. It’ll increase his desire to see you naked.

2) Don’t let him grab at your or touch you excessively unless you’re actually escalating to sex. Sometimes couples get really comfy and the boyfriend will get too comfortable at grabbing ass and such. Playfully slap his hands away. Playfully tease him like you don’t want him touching you. This will also help increase his hunger.

3) Encourage physical activities together. Like skiing, sledding, jogging, tennis, swimming, etc. Anything that forces him to be more fit and forces you to sweat together. It mimics sexual arousal. Maybe hit the gun range?

4) Always look and smell good. This means staying fit, wearing his favorite perfume, and having fresh breath. He should do the same thing but you can’t control him… but you CAN control how awesome and hot you are.

5) Tease him by telling him about a dirty dream you had with him… give him a few juicy details… then decide you’re too shy to tell him more.

6) Teasing him sexually is really the core of my list. Find ways to flirt and have fun with him. Maybe it’s a cell phone photo of you in a super short skirt you tried on at the mall? Maybe it’s the super tight dress you have that you’re not sure looks good. Sending boyfriends dirty text’s are fun, but don’t send nudes.

7) When all else fails sometimes it pays to force yourself upon him. I’ve found that most men, once aroused, will do just about anything you want. Just don’t make a habit of it because deep down most guys want to do the seducing.

Have you surprised him with new panties? Try that.

Things he can do to increase his labido:

1) Exercise. A healthy body is a healthy sex drive.

2) More sleep. A restful body brings about vitality!

3) Healthier diet. You are what you eat.

4) Stress reducing activities like – hobbies, exercise, and meditation.

5) Supplements. The best I’ve ever seen is called MacaSure (Google Maca Root.) It’s good for improving hormonal balance.

Realize that the most likely “reason” for his lack of sex-drive will have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

He’s likely stressed, or tired, or simply feeling fat. (We guys AN sometimes feel fat you know.) Either way it wouldn’t hurt to sit down and actually ask him. And not just because you want to “get some” but also because he might be feeling too emberassed to talk to you about his private struggles.

I hope this helps!

~ Robby

P.S. Today’s top thumbnail is thanks to this amazing photographer.

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10 thoughts on “Question: Why doesn’t my boyfriend have more sex with me?

  1. Kadisha Ahmad says:

    I want my husband to correst me an make me feel good tell me freaky things to bring out me freaky things that he would like to do to me make me feel like a appreciated woman with a freaky side that i can unleash when i need to

    .please help me :'( :'(

  2. Julie says:

    Why should one person do so much work to attract the other? I would rather be with someone who wants to be with me physically and sexually, than have to play stupid games to get their attention. Not worth it.

    • Robert Belland says:

      It’s easy to say “I refuse to change myself” when you already have men knocking at your door. But try to put yourself in the shoes of a nervous guy. Since women tend to be approached, and not the other way around, it’s easy for a girl to no realize the pressure and stress a guy feels when he’s forced to make all the moves.

      Besides, the stuff I write about isn’t about “changing” anyone, or playing “games.” It’s about improvement, and new mindsets, and playful tactics that make dating fun!

      When a guy doesn’t have success with women is he supposed to just accept his fate and do nothing?

      Or should he examine his approach to women and dating in an effort to improve his love life?

      Dating is like all relationships… the more you practice, and the more effort you put in, the better the pay off.

      The best things in life are worth the effort.

  3. hey says:

    I really believe what u are saying…I have read this and I have found it helpful..thanx do u have a book out…would like to read it

  4. Omfg says:

    Btw just to like bring this tragedy full circle for you, I also work at a lingerie store I have quite a bit – he's fucking dead inside.

    • Robby says:

      1) It's not your job to save a helpless cause. Let him go. The only person you're hurting is yourself. You're fighting with yourself. You're backwards rationalizing that the effort is worth it. It's not.

      2) When people give "everything they have" to fix a relationship they are fucking themselves. The last thing you should do is give everything. That puts you LAST on the list of important things, and puts HIM on the top. Never put yourself last. You're the ONLY person responsible for your life and your happiness. He's not responsible for making/keeping you happy. YOU are. So take some responsibility for yourself and focus on getting what you NEED… love, attention, affection, etc. That's YOUR responsibility. It's not selfishness, it's self preservation. 🙂

  5. Omfg says:

    This situation has caused so much anger and frustration that it's his turn to do everything to fix it. I've done all of that shit it doesnt work ! I'm ripping my fucking hair out about it. He avoids it like the plague and I'm good at it I know I am. It's the most heart wrenching thing ever. And we are supposed to get married. Why if you were not attracted to someone so painfully obviously wouldn't you just man the fuck up and dump them, This suuuuuuuucks ! I used to think I was pretty when I first met him, we were so happy we had so much to talk about I was so happy finally someone I could be with that shares a brain and a strong love for me. Now you should see it. He is either on his phone or the computer and he thinks I am annoying when I try to start any kind of dialog. I don't know how to keep it together. I feel like shit now all the time and he tells me I am depressed you'd be depressed too if you were about to settle with some one who is totally totally Not available !

    strippers ? I am hotter and better then any idiot on a poll. And my boyfriend isn't interested.

    I could fucking kill myself over it to be honest because the guys that like me cheat, or they lie, or they just don't care… Which I have heard before – I don't care Corrin you make yourself happy. Totally omitting responsibility.

    How do you have a man be manly If he just can't get it together enough to look up from his fucking computer and see how desperately he is needed. It is killing me.

    It's the height of selfishness. Passive aggressive as fuck too.

  6. Queen of Relationshi says:

    It could be his sex drive but I wouldn't eliminate other reasons. I was in a relationship and in the same situation and eventually chose to believe it was the "madonna whore complex". Also, if he's watching a lot of porn…sometimes guys get so overstimulated by the rawness of it that anything normal and natural doesn't do it for them. Then, there's always sex addiction and sexual anorexia. You would think that the sex addict would…have lots of sex with their partner? Not really, their partners are the first to get denied. So, just sayin…it could be a number of things beside the sex drive…or maybe you're right…maybe his noodle just needs some TLC.

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