Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me?
When we were first going out we had sex at least 3 times a week. We’ve been together for like, a year and a half and it has just gradually become less and less frequent. Now, for the past month, we’ve had sex maybe twice. We’re together all the time outside of work, so there’s really no way he can cheat on me, which I don’t think is the case. I feel like he’d rather play video games and watch p*rn than have sex with me.
And this is weird to me because he’s 26 and I’m 20. I don’t feel like I’m any less attractive than a year ago, but I just don’t know why he doesn’t want to have sex with me? Because trust me, if he wanted to then he would.
The male libido is a funny thing. If work is stressful, or school is stressful, or if we gain weight, it will often drastically lower our sexual drives.
Plus, sexual attraction relies heavily upon tension. There is always tension at the start of a relationship. And there is tension when couples fight. But when couples spend all day, every day, together they become very comfy together (which kills tension and builds rapport.)
It doesn’t mean a loss of love or attraction, it’s just a lack of sexual tension.
So, instead of continued into build rapport (connection) you need to spice up the relationship slightly by randomly breaking rapport (and therefore building tension.)
You know who’s good at this? Strippers. They seduce. They take their time. They tease.
You need to become slightly less predictable.
This makes him slightly less comfortable.
And everything slightly more fun.
Here are some basics that might help…
1) Don’t let him see you naked. Unless you’re about to have sex. Simply don’t do it. Pretend you’re being modest if you have to… but don’t let him see you naked. It’ll increase his desire to see you naked.
2) Don’t let him grab at your or touch you excessively unless you’re actually escalating to sex. Sometimes couples get really comfy and the boyfriend will get too comfortable at grabbing ass and such. Playfully slap his hands away. Playfully tease him like you don’t want him touching you. This will also help increase his hunger.
3) Encourage physical activities together. Like skiing, sledding, jogging, tennis, swimming, etc. Anything that forces him to be more fit and forces you to sweat together. It mimics sexual arousal. Maybe hit the gun range?
4) Always look and smell good. This means staying fit, wearing his favorite perfume, and having fresh breath. He should do the same thing but you can’t control him… but you CAN control how awesome and hot you are.
5) Tease him by telling him about a dirty dream you had with him… give him a few juicy details… then decide you’re too shy to tell him more.
6) Teasing him sexually is really the core of my list. Find ways to flirt and have fun with him. Maybe it’s a cell phone photo of you in a super short skirt you tried on at the mall? Maybe it’s the super tight dress you have that you’re not sure looks good. Sending boyfriends dirty text’s are fun, but don’t send nudes.
7) When all else fails sometimes it pays to force yourself upon him. I’ve found that most men, once aroused, will do just about anything you want. Just don’t make a habit of it because deep down most guys want to do the seducing.
Things he can do to increase his labido:
1) Exercise. A healthy body is a healthy sex drive.
2) More sleep. A restful body brings about vitality!
3) Healthier diet. You are what you eat.
4) Stress reducing activities like – hobbies, exercise, and meditation.
5) Supplements. The best I’ve ever seen is called MacaSure (Google Maca Root.) It’s good for improving hormonal balance.
Realize that the most likely “reason” for his lack of sex-drive will have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
He’s likely stressed, or tired, or simply feeling fat. (We guys AN sometimes feel fat you know.) Either way it wouldn’t hurt to sit down and actually ask him. And not just because you want to “get some” but also because he might be feeling too emberassed to talk to you about his private struggles.
I hope this helps!
P.S. Today’s top thumbnail is thanks to this amazing photographer.