Question: What’s with “Friends First” before dating?



I’d like to understand “friend before dating” situations.

I know that as a guy I don’t need much stimulation in order to want to have sex with a girl, but for girls it often takes forever to get in the mood for sex. I’ve noticed that most of the guys I know have met their girlfriend through friendships first. Can this be explained or justified? Also Why not simply be upfront with her feelings for a guy (whether she likes him or not)? Why do women feel the need to “Friend zone Guys (back-up/Tool guy)” before dating them, in other words?

People break-up often times whether the relationship involved friendship or not, why waste time?

Best way to approach a girl



Men don’t feel the same way about dating and sex than women because men don’t face the same dangers as women.

Dangers like:
– Rape
– Social Judgements (sluts, whores, rejection of friends, etc)
– Pregnancy

One main reason women can’t be as willy nilly about sex as men is because women face different safety concerns.

So the “friends first” is really just the time they need to confirm you’re not just looking to TAKE from her (take sex, attention, affection, etc) without any intent to GIVE BACK. They worry because there are plenty of dudes who are selfish dicks who lack empathy or common compassion.

As a man I would recommend you assume the “friends first” is the “dating” phase of the relationship.

She calls it “friends” but you can call it “dating” because it can look exactly the same – spending time together getting to know each other. During which time you treat her exactly as you would any date… flirting, teasing, having fun and constant sexual escalation.

During this “friends” phase you should be slowly escalating towards that first kiss. Escalating with all types of physical touch like hugs, hand holding, cuddling, whispering in ears, etc. The men who don’t continue to escalate end up permanently stuck in the Friend Zone… mostly because they’ve lacked the masculine intent and sexual escalation most women NEED to feel attraction.

By the end of the second or third date you should have tried kissing her.

I can tell from your comments that you’re frustrated with the “dating” phase of the sexual relationships you’re seeking… which implies that you’re not looking for a girlfriend or “getting to know her” … if this is true then just avoid women who want more than just sex.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting one-night stands, just don’t waste time with those women who DO want more than sex.

Hope this helps? 🙂

~ Robby


6 thoughts on “Question: What’s with “Friends First” before dating?

  1. Mike James says:

    I think I'd add to your article Robby, in that when a women says she wants to be friends – that you should be wary.

    It often means that she doesn't feel enough attraction for you yet – if you've seen her interact with other guys, is she more flirtatious with them or you? This should give you a feel whether or not she is interested in you or not. She may play a little hard to get, as she may want to see some persistence from you, however you ought to be fairly clear from her body language if she isn't attracted to you. If you see signs that she may not be, then you need to ramp up the flirtatious banter, and position yourself as the goal a bit more, whilst using body language to reinforce this position.

    On the other hand, some women perhaps who've been hurt recently or frequently, may want to be "friends" because it's her way of saying "I don't want to risk you hurting me until I know you better". In which case patience, persistence, and continuing to work the attraction & connection will be of benefit.

    Ultimately you have to read what she does and NOT what she says. And then do the things that she RESPONDS to, and drop the things that she doesn't respond to.

  2. solo_wing says:

    Hey Robb. Recently I went out with a girl watching Man of Steel. Along the movie she suddenly feed popcorn to my mouth. Is this like hinting something? I think it's quite fast since we only get to know for a week, and before the movie I just ever ask her out once for dinner.

    Is there a catch that I should know of?

    But she is fun to hang out with. Tough chick type. Carries knife everywhere, and practice kickboxing n muaythai daily.

    • Robert Belland says:

      Feeding each other is typically playful and yet has a certain level of intimacy to it. You're not going to let a stranger feed you with his hands, are you? So it's a good thing, assuming you want her. Go with the flow, I don't think there's any thing she's hinting at, except to tell you she wants to see more of you. Line up a date at home next? Isolate and escalate. 😀

  3. Nate W. says:

    Love your Mail Bag posts, Robby. Maybe also tag this under Understanding Women?

    You touch upon a lot of things that a lot of men don't understand. Keep it up, mang!

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