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QUESTION:

So I was going away with a few friends, few days ago and there was this one really cute girl in the group, who I knew very little about. So this girl and I were sitting in the bus together , and when we got on the bus this girl asked my age, and I told her I was 19 and she almost seemed startled by it, and said I looked older for my age (she is 21).

I love it. When a girl straight out asks you something about yourself it almost always means she’s interested. So this is a GREAT sign…

I was just joking with her saying “you never call a guy old”.

Brilliant. This is prefect flirting. Your teasing pushes her away by making her think you’re offended (for a split second) but when she realizes you’re just kidding it makes her laugh and pulls her back in. This type of push/pull creates dramatic attraction in the other person.

So the entire 2 hours on the bus she was laughing at all my jokes and almost fell of her seat once. So I was teasing her saying that “she can never be serious” because she was laughing so much.

I love that you challenged her by saying she can never be serious. This is so playful and funny.

I told her I wanted see if she can be serious for 5 min, so to break her to laugh, I just kept staring at her.

Very funny, I have done this EXACT same thing. I say, “Hey, do you think my Bedroom eyes are sexy? This is the look I give girls when at the bar… what do you think?” but then I give them the 1000 yard creepy stare.

She started laughing and said I was being creepy by looking at her like that and was laughing while saying it (is this really creepy?).

If she’s laughing when she calls you creepy then she’s just teasing you back and what you’re doing is working… it’s creating attraction. And if she’s teasing you back then she’s wanting to build more rapport (comfort and connection) because we only tease people we know and trust. This is a good thing.

Then during the bus ride, she told me that “I was very funny” and I said “you’re funny as well.”

Translation: “I like you” and, “I like you too.”

Teasing and laughing for two hours is a VERY long time to be building attraction and it might slowly start to make her think you’re only about teasing her and not about getting to know her. You mastered the art of building attraction (teasing her, making her laugh, and having a fun conversation) but where’s the rapport, comfort or connection?

So when you give her a compliment back?you’re wisely slowing it all down by saying, “Hey, I like you too.”

This is great.

Ideally I’ve found that attraction only takes a few minutes to create, and can be pumped back up at any time, while rapport and connection takes more time and trust building.

Attraction turns on her emotions, but rapport “hooks” her for the long term.

She said,?“People told me I am funny, but did not know it was true till you told me”. I said, “I was just lying your not funny”.

I love it.

She started laughing again and said “you’re such a jerk.” (Considering the circumstance, did she mean it?). She laughed the entire bus ride and she said, “actually you look older, but you don’t act older” (in a very joking way).

She seems into you but what she’s subcommunicating is that you’re teasing her for almost too long and now she’s wondering if you’re really into her or not. What would have been perfect is if you built more connection and rapport.

Rapport is about being open, sincere, honest, vulnerable, etc. This is when a conversation gets a little more serious- ?where you share stories about yourselves, you share secrets perhaps, and otherwise open up to each other.

Be careful here because it’s easy to hurt her feelings when you suddenly tease her while she’s trying to be open and vulnerable, perhaps while telling you a story. Sometimes the teasing has to take a backseat to building comfort.

So after we arrived, we went for lunch and the 2 of us were awfully quite during lunch, because we both were extremely hungry. So later that night I started partying and started chugging alcohol, and this girl saw me partying hard.

So little bit into the night the group split up and I went to a strip club with few of my friends. So when I got back to the hotel my friend who was extremely drunk, said in front of this girl I went to a strip club, but I denied it (because I did not want to her to know).

Oh, this is a bad move! The strip club is fine. Lying about not going is bad.

Lying about the strip club says two things to her:

1) You’re embarrassed about what you were doing. Which is bad. Act more confidently. If you want to hit the strip club, then hit the strip club and don’t apologize for it. She might not like it, but at least she’ll appreciate that you’re being yourself. There’s something fishy about a guy who will do something he’s ashamed to tell other people about. Instead own it. You don’t need to walk around being proud of enjoying the strippers, but there’s also no need to walk around ashamed either. It’s like going out to get gas. It’s not worth mentioning because it doesn’t matter.

2) She’s going to get the impression that you’re willing to lie. This is bad. Nobody likes that guy.

When it comes to catching and keeping a decent woman you should ALWAYS try to maintain a healthy level of congruence. This means that you always do what you say you will, and you always act the way you always have. Being congruent is about being honest and open. Suddenly lying about something small makes you seem… incongruent and untrustworthy.

If she catches you doing something you shouldn’t it’s ALWAYS better to fess up and come clean.

Why?

Because she might not like what you were doing but at least she’ll respect that you were honest about it. And women won’t date guys they don’t respect.

So the next day I had to leave early, because I had to get back for a friends birthday. That morning, she just asked me how my night was and I said I can’t remember.

Why lie?

After that we were all walking and she started walking a little faster, and when I had to catch my cab she was not there. So after a few min I sent her a text saying ” Hey you left before I could even say bye!”. and she did not respond to that.

Can you see what she might be thinking?

1) “I met a hilarious cute guy on the bus! Yes!”

2) “Except he didn’t do anything more than just flirt and tease. So maybe he’s just a flirt and tease and not really interested…”

3) “We had dinner and he still didn’t seem interested.. that sucks.”

4) “He went out and partied without me. I guess he’s just social and I missunderstood his intentions on the bus.”

5) “He got super drunk and hit the strippers. Then he lied about it. Plus he got so drunk he couldn’t remember anything the next day. Gross.”

This girl is a very quiet girl, she does not drink, smoke – bottom line she is very good kid. We get along really well, as in, we both are very politically inclined, and our view on politics are almost the same. We go to school where people usually are opposed to our kind of ideas, so she said “It’s funny how we both have the same ideas”. But having said that we are also very different, I play for the varsity football team, president of my frat, I am always the wildest guy in a group. So will a quite girl like her go for a guy like me? Any idea why she could have ignored my text?

Overall you built amazing attraction but then you left her hanging. You also forgot to mention that she’s “straight edged” and you’re not.

She’s going to avoid a dude who drinks and parties. It’s as simple as that.

Not much you can do about that. Especially if you like to party.

I’d suggest focusing your skills towards a girl who can party with you, not one who will watch from the sidelines.

I’d also suggest making more of a move next time. You should have lined up an after party date… like, “Hey, are you free next wednesday night? I’ve been dying to check out that new restaurant and I’d love it if you joined me. I’ll pick you up at 6!”

If you absolutely MUST try again it’s safe to send her one more text the following week… perhaps a funny photo of something you were both chatting about. A band that’s coming to town? A type of food she hates? Something that will inspire her to respond or laugh. Even something sneaky like, “OMG, I just heard the most interesting thing about you!” When she replies you can say something like, “I heard you hate strippers. That’s mean! Strippers are hookers too… I mean ‘people’ too. ;)”

~ Robby

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