Hello, I would like to take women on dates. The problem that I’m currently facing is to know where I could meet some women.I just graduated from college, and never went on a date. I know that I should have experience by now what it is like to date someone, but back then in college I was extremely shy and couldn’t even hold a conversation for more than 10 seconds.
Now, I’m still a shy person.
Nevertheless, my shyness does not have such impact as it used to be during college times. I don’t know if I am able to do the first move when talking to a woman, since most of the time I met women from mutual friends.
As you can imagine, I don’t have any female friends.
I want to meet some women, and to take their numbers for eventually building a serious relationship and do some friends along the process.
Looking forward to your assistance,Thank you !
Good for you for getting out of your comfort zone and expanding your social life!
That’s brave and very necessary!
Here’s what I did when I was lonely and shy after my first divorce…
1) I recognized that shyness is an issue of the ego.
Our ego’s can be sensitive and fragile and hates being challenged… and when we meet new people we put our ego’s at risk of being questioned… “If she laughs at me or doesn’t like me does that mean I’m not as cool and awesome as my ego says I am?”
Listen… we can live our lives at the mercy of everyone else’s opinions of us, or we can grow up and develop our OWN opinions.
Guess which one is better for our heart and our success in life?
Here’s a secret… everyone has the same fears.
We all fear we’re not good enough and we all fear social embarrassment and rejection. But that’s because we’re raised to CARE what everyone else thinks and feels.
But the reality is that NOBODY’s opinion MATTERS more than our own.
Because nobody else will walk in your shoes, and experience life the way you have. So they don’t really KNOW you. Everything everyone else does and says is about THEM, not about US.
When that hot woman rejects us, she’s not rejecting US, she’s rejecting our approach, and she’s reacting based on her own life’s traumas and experiences.
Maybe she was raped.
Maybe her creepy uncle made her fearful of new men.
Maybe her cousin is with her and she fears being judged for talking to a new cute guy.
It’s not our business.
All we should do is appreciate that what other people think of us is none of our business. That’s for them to worry about. All we need to do is handle ourselves, and embrace our OWN opinions.
When you practice this idea… and catch yourself worrying what others think, you’ll slowly harden yourself against the poor opinion of others.
And THEN you’ll BE FREE!
THEN it’ll be easy to talk to women.
So challenge yourself anytime you catch yourself worrying about what others think of you. This includes every time you’re in the mirror fixing your hair, or you’re adjusting what you’re going to say because you’re trying to make some person like you.
When ever you’re doing or saying something as way of influencing how others think about you… stop it.
And do the opposite.
So that you can challenge your ego, and force yourself to recognize that nothing bad is ever going to happen if they don’t like you.
You have to like you, that’s it.
So a quick example, if you’re talking with someone and you catch yourself about to brag about some accomplishment, stop, and share something embarrassing instead.
Social embarrassment is mostly in our own heads. But until you test this idea, it’s hard to believe.
But you get the idea… stop trying to impress any women you first meet, let them have any opinion they want, and instead focus on your curiosity… get curious about who this new person is… and whether they’re someone you’d even want to date.
Always frame these interactions as you judging them, and you’ll find that they’re just as worried about being judged as you are, and they’ll jump through your hoops trying to prove that they’re awesome like you.
2) Being good with women also comes from being good with everyone.
So to get good with women, just get good with everyone. this means making small talk with all the people you meet. Like, when you go shopping make an effort to chat with everyone you see.
And I don’t mean in a weirdo kinda way.
More like a friendly casual way. You’re not looking to engage people who don’t want to engage you, you’re just looking to practice talking with strangers.
So when you’re out shopping, for example, as whom ever you’re around for advice on what ever you’re buying. I do this all the time even to this day.
The old guy in front of me in line?
I ask him about that shaving cream he’s buying.
That mom with two kids?
I ask her how her weekend is going, and that she looks like she’s got her hands full.
The teller packing my groceries might have advice on what frozen pizza people buy the most.
The hottie behind me in line?
I make sure she notices that all I’m buying is vegetables and chocolate.
You see, of course it feels hard to talk to women when your goal is to find a date, because lots of things have to go right to find success. She has to be single, she has to find you cute, and you have to meet her by accident. So instead of making “pickup” your goal, take the pressure off, and make “being a social fun guy” your goal. Because I promise, it’s WAY easier to find success when all you’re trying to do is be friendly and enjoy meeting new people.
Plus you’ll be happy to discover 90% of the people you chat with love talking about themselves, and love meeting fun nice guys. Who they will then want to introduce to their single girlfriends.
Over time you’ll slowly develop routines where you’re asking the same things over and over to the people you meet, and you’ll have learned funny lines or punchlines, like a stand up comedian practices their acts.
And then one day at the mall, you’ll discover a hottie in the group of people you’re chatting with, who you’re no longer nervous to chat with.
And you’ll take a chance and say something like, “You know what, you’re not what I expected when I first came over here to chat with you guys. Unfortunately I have to run away now, but let’s talk some more over coffee soon! I know this cute little place what has pies as well… join me later this week! Give me your number and we can work out the details later.”
So … practice two things… practice catching yourself worrying about what other people think of you… and practice chatting with new people.
Not caring what people think will automatically calm your nerves and magically will make others more interested in your opinions… and getting good at making small talk with strangers will make you infinitely more comfortable chatting up any new women you meet while out living your life!
I hope this helps!If you have any other dating questions, or questions about my Get The Girl Video Course, drop me a line at Questions@datingdynamicsformen.com