Question: Gym Flirting And Pickup?



First of all, I’m a gym trainer.

I met a girl in the gym. She has a really good personality. She comes to gym every morning but we’ve never said hi to each other. I always look over at her and I’ve caught her starring at me a couple of times but when I tried to impress her by lifting weights and then look at her she turns away quickly (She’s probably shy).

I really wanna approach this girl but I don’t know how to. I thought about being her personal trainer (but that would be awkward)? I need some excuses to talk to this girl. How do I start a conversation with her? Any chances of being alone with her?

How to talk to someone at the gym



This is easy. You need to slowly escalate through casual “hello’s”, then tiny conversations, to finally isolating her outside the gym.

BUT FIRST ask yourself this… should you shit where you eat?

Can you handle dating her, having a horrible breakup, then seeing her flirting with other guys at the gym every day?

If you’re a pretty cool and composed dude and you don’t think this’ll be a problem then let’s move forward.So… escalate.


1) Start With Hello.

Try starting with something like “Hey, good morning.” Have a happy/friendly smile on your muscular face. You’re a social fun/dude, remember.

Do this a few mornings in a row.

It’s so tame that you could do this with the old guy you see each day too… for practice. Not every move is meant to seduce her into bed… just baby steps right?

These little “hellos” can eventually blossom into brief morning conversations. She will assume you’re just a friendly guy, but if she thinks you’re cute she’ll likely give you open and flirty body language… by playing with her hair, by laughing too much at your lame jokes, etc. Or she might be annoyed because she’s trying to work out… just pay attention to her reactions and give her space if she looks like she wants it.

I should note: normally I would recommend escalating faster than this but since you’ve already seen her at the gym a bunch without saying hello it’s best to start slow. Next time you see a hot girl immediately start with “hello.”


2) Get A Spot.

Ever ask a dude for a quick spot? Why not her, right? Now, don’t ask for a spot with something really heavy… you don’t want to look like you’re trying to impress her with your strength.. because women don’t give a shit how much you can bench. Seriously. Only other dudes do.

This requires that you work out when she’s working out. At some point simply ask her if she can spot you. Perhaps while doing shoulder dumbbell presses.

She might say, “Um… I’m not sure how” or “I don’t think I have the strength” to which you can assure her you need very little assistance. Just explain that all you might need is a light touch on your elbows on your final few reps.w

I don’t know why, but I like this approach.


3) Don’t Get Needy.

Stay flirty, fun, and open. Don’t pressure her to talk when she’s busy, and don’t try to drag out conversations. Just make them fun but short. Remember, she’s there to workout, not pickup.


4) Practice.

Talk to other people too, if you’re a little shy. This will help strengthen your social confidence and it’ll grow your social proof in the gym (meaning she’ll see you talking to other men and women.)


5) Chat.

Now it’s time to start having longer conversations… not just “hello” but something like, “Hey, you seem like you really have yourself together… and I need a woman’s opinion on something… wait, are you single?”

She’ll say yes or no.

Then say, “Well, I have this buddy who’s undecided if he should date this girl from his office, and I’ve warned him that it can be really messy dating at work… but what do you think?”

See? It’s interesting and you get to see if she’s single. Plus it’s kinda personal. Rehearse this with other women outside of the gym to get a feel for your pacing and delivery.

You’re not doing this to pickup women, you’re doing it to practice opening strangers in conversation. Asking for someone’s opinion on something is gold when it comes to starting fun conversations. Like the waitress who’s server you dinner, or the greasy fat guy stocking the fruit at the grocer.

When you’re all practiced up try making small talk with this girl at the gym, when it’s more appropriate. Maybe when she’s done working out and you’re both buying a protein shake at the food counter. Maybe when you’re both stretching on the mats after working out.

This shows her you’re comfortable talking with her, which will make her comfortable talking with you.

If she’s stand-offish to guys hitting on her at the gym this will help her relax… because you’re not hitting on her, you’re just making interesting conversation. This also lets you start to get a feel for her personality. As you already know (*wink*) she’s more than just a great ass with tits… and you’re not interested in settling for a bag of hammers. Right?

6) Isolate.

If all seems good to this point, invite her to join you for lunch.

Maybe something like, “Hey Susan! Listen, I always like talking to you… join me for lunch this week. There’s a cute sandwich and soup place I’ve been dying to try and I’d hate to go alone.” Say it with a smile.(NOTE: You can get more ideas like this from my book and it’s free escalation resources.)

Hope this get’s your wheels turning!

~ Robby


3 thoughts on “Question: Gym Flirting And Pickup?

  1. QBElite says:

    This reminds me of a similar situation I am in. I go to the gym all the time and this trainer has decided to come over and spark up conversation with me, after a while of me coming to the gym. Now I am a generally nice person, so I smile to "EVERYONE", but its his questions and conversation that is sooooooooooooooooo OBVIOUS that he is flirting and trying to "figure me out" and althought he is really indirect (which has not allowed me that chance to say "look dude, I am in a very serious deep and committed relationship that is heading towards and engagement/ marriage any day now and we have two beautiful daughters together so now I find myself dodging him as to not make myself available for the conversations, so that way he cant annoy me, cause its very annoying, like the hey and bye was cool, but now that he tries to have actual conversation I feel the need to bring my man and kids in with me, so he will know to leave me the hell alone…Geeeeez, sometimes its a catch 22 being nice to people, becase they can mistake that for something else.

    • robertbelland says:

      Ha, great comment, thanks QBElite. 🙂 You're right… and I guess it's up to these guys to pay attention and calibrate the conversations based on the type of feedback they're getting. If she's annoyed she'll show it in her face.

      Have you tried bringing up the boyfriend within conversation? Like, "Hey where did you get those gym shoes? It's my boyfriends birthday this weekend and I'm trying to figure out what to get him…"

  2. Lisa says:

    Small tits are just as good as big ones….post more small breasted women on here please…we NEED THE ATTENTION?? What, do small breasted women have freakin' COOTIES or something, little boys???? many inches are YOU packing????

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