Question: Does This Make Me Shallow? Should I Still Date Him?


Does this make me shallow? Should I still date him?

OK, so I am almost finishing my degree, just one year left, and I met this guy when I went to the beach.

I went with family and even though I’m accustomed to people looking at me I noticed this guy kept checking me out. Then two guys told me that their friend liked me and wanted my number but I told them to tell him to come ask himself.

I thought he would chicken out if he was that shy …but he came in the water and came and talked to me.

He was good looking but I’m more attracted to a guy’s personality. I talked to him and he was really nice and he kept blushing and we talked a lot and I didn’t wanna go home but I had to because my family was getting ready to head back home.

I memorized his number and he memorized mine as well.

He called me and we talked from 9pm to 2:30am straight…but I found out that he’s 26 (I’m 20) …soooo he told me that he does tiling (as in tiles.)

Am I shallow to not wanna date him because soon I’ll have my degree and he’ll still be tiling?

Is it bad that it turns me off somewhat?

Should I still date him? He has boyfriend potential and he’s really a good guy and I can see myself with him, and he really likes me a lot – he keeps saying it and showing it … but… should I date him still even though I am more intelligent than him?


This is a tough one… it’s pretty much impossible for someone like me to tell you to be “less shallow,” because I’m not you and my values aren’t yours. Also realize that there is a huge difference between being more intelligent and more educated.

But I can tell you this… being shallow is something we all tend to out grow as we experience more from life. At first we are superficial because that’s all we can see… the surface. Things like our outer appearance and the approval of our social group feels really important.

But something happens as time goes on. We realize that most peoples opinions have nothing to do with us. Frank hates my clothes? That’s because Frank cares too much about people liking HIS clothes. Susie laughs at your car? That’s because Susie is self conscious about her car and what people think of her.

And, as you grow up, you realize that people who are MOST superficial are the MOST insecure… because their inner foundations are based on the approval of what everyone else thinks… and what everyone else thinks changes all the time. You won’t feel confident for long when you rely upon the approval of others.

So, for now, maybe it’s actually okay to be a little superficial.. because that’s how you learn what’s REALLY important to you. Maybe you have to reject a few good guys, and date a few bad guys before you can really KNOW what you’re looking for.

As you mature you will hopefully start to care only about what YOU think of you. That’s when you might realize that your MAN is more than his work. He’s also someone you can talk to, someone you can rely upon, and someone who you can lean on when times are tough.

Maybe you’ll find that life is more than how much money you make… and that the deep inner most intimate relationships are the only things we care about when we go to bed… not how much money we made or how many people liked us that day.

Here’s my point: don’t go with JUST your feelings… feelings are deceptive.

Use your head, your heart AND your gut.

Use all of those things and you’ll develop wisdom.

If you only rely upon your feelings you’ll stay immature.

If you use only your head you’ll become a robot.

For now I suggest you simply do what you THINK is right for YOU and learn from the outcome.

Pushing him away might introduce you to someone you don’t doubt. 🙂

Good luck!

~ Robby

2 thoughts on “Question: Does This Make Me Shallow? Should I Still Date Him?

  1. CarlT says:

    The girl has been watching way too much Sex and the City.

    Yes, she is being shallow. Stupid, too.

    She obviously has no idea how much money tradesmen such as tilers can make. I have no doubt that he will make more money in his field than she will in hers after she graduates.

  2. Jared says:

    Robbie I have a simple question, a direct one but I'd really like to know your opinion.

    Why in the world, we as a society, are making this relationship thing so complex? Biology aside; males and females need each other, each has company, physical contact and affection to offer to the other and needs company, physical contact and affection in turn.

    Why a sentence like this is not told more often: "I need you, you need me, we can be mates because we like each other enough, I don't know how much it will last but in the meanwhile we don't waste our potential for giving and receiving?

    Why all this tricks, fake-seduction, tests, questions, social facades, machinations?

    I see lot of people alone and sad, needing the same things from someone needing the same and it's like people who could be together just end up alone because they're never direct about what they need and want and get paranoid about whether they will be seen as easy, whether he or she is the one the marry, whether friends or parents approve and so on

    So males convince themselves that they're creeps, because they shouldn't want what they want and start acting as such. Females convince themselves that they're frigid and that they hate males. Both convince themselves that they need convulated rituals to get the perfect male/female and in the meanwhile both have been desiring the same thing from the very first moment: giving and receiving company/physical-contact/affection and have been missing the opportunity of giving and receiving to and from people in their life who wanted the same thing.

    That's why I admire, to an extent, "friendships with beneficts" because it's like both the male and female have opened up finally, stating their true needs and realizing they were the same, both unmasking their true fragile human nature (without all the fake arrogance, conceitedness and self-importance) directly without all the mumbo-jumbo that prevents people from hooking up. And some "friendships with benefits" are actually full of true affection and love.

    I think even when the goal is a stronger relationship, people could use some of the honesty and directness of "friendships with benefits"

    There would be so much more joy in this world, so much more confidence and happiness and so much less misandry, chauvism, arrogance and loneliness.

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