Question: Dealing With A Long-Term Breakup And Jealousy


Q: Hi, I’m early twenties and just had my first long term relationship break up.

I’m so puzzled by my ex’s reaction I’m now thinking maybe she is the norm and I am feeling hard done by when I shouldn’t be.

I was seeing my ex for just over 18 months, we’d talked about our future etc, and I thought everything was OK and we were reasonably solid. Looking back the week before the break up something wasn’t right but I didn’t expect her to call it a day as there was no mention / talk of being unhappy, I just went along as normal – hindsight is a wonderful thing.

We were at my flat, just hanging out as usual as she’d been staying over for a few days, made dinner that night and ate together. No mention of nothing. Then she went home and she phoned me the next day and said she was unhappy.

We spoke for 15 mins and she didn’t say anything but she has realized she is unhappy and its over. In the space of 24 hours I’d gone from waking up in bed, eating breakfast etc with a long term partner to its over with a brief phone call.

That’s the last I heard from her.

She text’d me later that night saying, “I hope we can be friends when we are over this.”

I thought she’d contact me again but she never did.

I emailed her a week later saying hey, I feel I deserve a bit more of an explanation than “I’ve suddenly realized I’m unhappy ,” and she emailed back, “why are you emailing me? I’m not speaking about this, I couldn’t be more clear.” ( I then found out she was slept with a guy the following weekend) Would that explain the harsh reaction to my email? Or was it me who was wrong to email?

I don’t understand her reaction, I thought she cared about me at least a little bit.

I was with her for 2 years and in the space of a week we had gone from sleeping in the same bed to complete strangers. Or is that how all break ups are? It’s sort of my first. I feel a bit hard done by.

Or am I being to sensitive and that is just a break up? I’ve never had anything to compare it too, but it felt a bit harsh to me.


A:Sorry to hear about your experience… that girl was HARSH!

This isn’t the norm, and I applaud your reaction to the whole thing. Don’t become that angry jaded guy who’s suddenly scared to commit, or who’s prematurely pulling the trigger when each new woman has signs of disinterest. Most guys would have flipped out, but you sound like a really solid guy with a good head on his shoulders.

Keep up the good work.

Her reason for being harsh is likely that she doesn’t want you reminding her that she was wrong to leave you hanging without an explanation.

I guarantee she was already sleeping with this other guy, and was feeling guilty about it.

I also guarantee she was this rude because you spent the relationship allowing her to be rude.

“We teach others how to treat us.”

Learn what you can from this painful experience, and use it to improve all future relationships.

I suspect you allowed her to walk all over you, or that you were at least very passive through out the relationship.

Women aren’t rude to men they respect, and if she doesn’t respect you then you likely taught her through your lack of relationship boundaries.

But, who knows, I’m often wrong. Feel bad about the breakup but don’t feel about your role. Break-ups are supposed to be awkward and upsetting.

The easiest way to forget about an ex is to meet someone new worth getting to know.

Thanks for the email and best of luck man!

~ Robby


My ex girlfriend (which I still love) is CLEARLY going out of her way to make me jealous.

She always tells me about how much she likes and cares about her new guy. She then tells me she misses me heaps.

I figured she is telling me this to see if I still like her by being jealous but I’m just pretending as if I don’t care and I’m fine with the whole thing.

The truth is I really want her back, but should I continue pretending I don’t care or should I try to show her that I still care about her and how should I do that?



A: This girl is currently your greatest teacher.

She is bringing you something few others will – a lesson in self-mastery.

Take this time to get over your jealousy issues.

How you learn to deal with jealousy early in your life will greatly dictate how great your masculine power will be expressed later in life.

For the record, you’re doing the right thing – ignore her obvious attempts at goading you on. Just be sure that when you’re dealing with the emotions that bring you anger and jealousy (when you’re alone thinking about her with other guys) that you let them flow right through you without leaving a trace.

Let the feelings come and go, without fighting them, and without losing your cool.

This will prepare you for life’s greater challenges.

Here’s a secret women don’t want you to know: They all want to end up with a guy they feel is better then themselves.

She’s not going to desire you if you’re the jealous type.

She’s not going to think you’re awesome if you don’t keep your cool.

Always have composure, even if you’re dying inside.

What was my point?

Let the next girl help you forget your ex.

Oh ya, date someone else.

Then it’s a WIN!

~ Robby

2 thoughts on “Question: Dealing With A Long-Term Breakup And Jealousy

  1. Shay Ellis says:

    Your Comments I busted my guy back windows out of his house because he had another chic over there who he broke up with and we been in and out of this relationship for two years. I don't know whats going on with him. I have been there for him when he got sick and had some heart problems going on. I have bee checking on him and taking good care of him making sure he's eating right. Then all of sudden this chic comes over. I goes over to see what's going on. He would not let me in. I felt betrayal. I was knocking on the door for a least 30 minutes. He treated me like i never existed and we were together earlier that day. I even heard him having sex with that young girl. So i threw a brick at his back window. He wouldn't come to the door. So i did it again. He didn't press charges against me. But i feel guilty and now i know he's not coming back to me. What should I do.

    • Robby says:

      I guess the best thing you can do now is sit back and have some perspective… this is a step too many adults skip. Sitting back and thinking through what happened to you is how you grow and mature as a woman.

      Some people like to sit back and feel angry or justified or scorned. These are people without perspective.

      There's 3 BIG mindsets that have made my life very satisfying, especially in a situation like yours.

      Here they are:

      1) Always be honest, even when it hurts. (Sometimes silence is enough… but it's a waste of energy to make up lies.)
      2) Always realize that what other people do has nothing to do with you. So don't take things personally.
      3) Don't make assumptions. It's too easy to make the wrong assumptions about others.

      In your case I think you took his "lies and rejection" personally. This is obviously a mistake. He wasn't "rejecting you" … he was simply being a selfish dude who wanted all the attention from all the girls. He's the jerk. But taking it personally is a mistake. That's your immature ego fighting to be heard and fighting to be right. Don't let it. Acknowledge that wasting your time on his was painful, but it wasn't your fault. Looking back was there any RED FLAGS you were ignoring? If you can learn from this you'll be able to spot this type of guy again before you start dating him.

      And acting out angrily is another childish response. Obviously it doesn't solve anything and only makes you look like a fool, which is embarrassing. It doesn't teach him a lesson and doesn't' help you get a better man in the future. All it does is nurture the child side of your emotions. And it's your emotions that you shouldn't be letting call the shots… that's what children do. These are situations that help you gain wisdom and knowledge.. so pay attention to this event. The best response would have been to disappear from his life leaving him confused and upset. Next time don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

      Take some time to be alone now, reconnect with friends and loved ones, and rest until you're no longer hurt or guarded. Then get out there and meet someone more worth your time!

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