QUESTION:

I really like this girl but I’m not really sure how to confess my feelings for her without ruining the friendship we have :/

Anonymous (Under 18)

ANSWER:

This is sooooooooooooo easy.

Here’s the problem. You like her, and that feels exciting. But you don’t know how she feels yet. Because if you did you wouldn’t be asking this question. And not knowing how she feels leaves you feeling insecure. And unsure. Because what do you do with all of these feelings you’re having if she doesn’t feel the same, right?

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I’m going to give you a gift nobody ever gave me.

And this is it: It doesn’t matter if she likes you or doesn’t. At least not yet.

You need to understand how attraction works in women: it’s about THEM feeling excited and unsure.

Now what happens when you just tell her how you feel? You’re basically saying “Hey, I like you and I feel insecure that you don’t like me too.. so here, take this negative energy I’m feeling and now YOU deal with it. The ball is now in YOUR court.”

This makes her in charge of your relationship.

Guess what?

Girls/Women don’t want to be in charge. They don’t want you to become this leach who latches on and asks them to take control and make all the decisions. Asking her to wear the pants is basically like you telling her that you’re a weak little boy who can’t manage the feelings, and she needs to be your care taker/mom.

That’s a real girl boner killer.

She doesn’t want that.

That girl is dreaming about a guy who’s confident and manly and in control of himself and his life. Someone SHE can join on adventures, where HE’S the boss and in command.

Not as an abusive asshole who is over bearing and insecure.

But as a manly man who makes decisions, and manages his own feelings, and has enough strength to LEAD.

Sooooooooo… back to your question.

If you WANT her to desire you, and to be attracted to you, then you have to get your mind right, get your life right, and learn how to BE OKAY NOT KNOWING how she feels. All that matters is that YOU’RE attracted to her. Once you know that it’s your job to “seduce” her or “attract” her. And you do that through your energy and actions. NOT YOUR WORDS. Unless you’re a writer and can write her lovely things.

How she FEELS about you comes from how she feels when she’s around you. So if you want her to FEEL GOOD about you then help her to FEEL GOOD when she’s around you.

You do this by talking with her. Making fun conversations. Making her laugh. Asking for her advice around simple things, like fashion or something she might understand.

Basically engage her in fun chats. And if her energy is also fun, and you enjoy her, then finally ask her to out for a fun dinner date, or shopping date at the mall where she helps you pick out some new shoes, or whatever the kids are doing on dates these days.

Your goal isn’t to marry her, it’s to spend time with her.

If she says, “You mean like a date?” you can either confidently says “Sure! I think you’re super cute and fun to talk to, and I’d like to get to know you better” or you could say, “I don’t want to label it so much, I just enjoy spending time with you and I’d like to get to know you better.”

The idea is that you’re actually trying to get to know who she IS. The wrong thing to communicate is “I think you’re hot therefore I like you without even knowing who you are.”

Remember, you’re a confident manly man. You don’t fall all over yourself just because she’s hot. She has to feel like she’s EARNED your interest. If she hasn’t EARNED it through time together, she won’t value your interest.

Long story short: Do not tell her that you like her. Simply go out of your way to flirt and chat and spend time together. And eventually ask her out on some dates.

Take it slow, get comfortable with your feelings of “I’m not sure how she feels” and relax. THIS is the best way to attract her.

And if she’s not into it, that’s fine. Never seem upset or complain. You can be slightly disappointed because she seemed nice, but that’s okay because there’s hundreds of other girls worth getting to know.

I hope this helps!

~ Robby