Question: Can I Make This Long Distance Work?

 

Hey Robby,

My main question is wondering how do I keep a budding relationship heated over a long distance?

Ohhh.. this could be a tough one…

As a bit of history, I met this girl earlier on in the year, she was in my Finance class. Things got to moving and I was building gradual attraction and rapport. Around the end of the class we aced a group presentation together, and afterward she invited me over to her place for a few drinks.

Yes!

We made out for a few hours, some clothes were removed, but she didn’t want to have sex that night.

This is called “Last Minute Resistance” and is common and expected. Many women fear being judged as being “slutty” if they have sex “too soon.” This comes from religious beliefs, fear of sexually transmitted diseases, and other fear of other social judgements. She’s just protecting herself. So don’t fret.

I still ended up sleeping over, and waking up to the very pleasant sight of a topless girl nestled up close to me.

“Winning…”

perserverance

I waited 2 or 3 days, and called her up to hang out again. It started pouring rain and I ended up sleeping over and having sex.

Sadly after that there were only 4 days before we had to go our separate ways for the summer, and she was busy moving things back home. The day she left for the summer, I stopped by, said goodbye and we kissed.

Awesome.

We’ve been texting\chatting\etc.. since then, and I’ve kept things flirty and fun, never anything too serious. I’ll send her pictures\texts of little inside jokes we have, or random funny things I see; she does the same, and I’m pretty certain she’s interested beyond our initial sexual encounters. However, 3 months is a while and we live 4 and half hours from each other.

The texting is perfect, and is obviously working since she’s returning the fun.

It seems to me things haven’t quite reached a serious enough point where a long-distance visit would be feasible. Although, as we’ve been getting to know each other more, I’m thinking she might be someone I could get serious with. How do I keep up the attraction, build sustainable rapport, and keep things moving when I can’t really see her in person?

Thanks,

Jeff

 

Jeff, my normal response to long-distance relationships is “don’t do it.” But in your case I’d make the exception.

1) She’s coming back in 3 months? That’s nothing.

2) She’s only 4 hours away. You can make that trip once a month for the next three months if things were going really well.

Here’s my advice….


Attraction

1) Keep flirting via text. Especially with photos.

This means being fun, random, and sometimes serious.

"I know you have a great body and I think you would look hot in this outfit!"

 

2) Attraction is about tension. This means flirting and letting her know you’re interested while NEVER over loading her with emails. As soon as you start to seem needy or desperate you’ll kill her attraction for you.

Give her the gift of missing you sometimes. This means you don’t need to immediately respond to every email or text the second you get it. Sometimes you should let them simmer in your in box until you get home and have time to respond. This doesn’t mean ignoring her texts or forgetting to reply… it just means not being an “instant responder.” This let’s her know you’re sometimes busy and not always ready to chat.

3) Slowly escalate the flirting… adding sexual banter when ever it seems appropriate. You’re not “just friends” so it’s okay to spice up the texting or late night phone calls.

 

Rapport

Be sincere with her sometimes (not all the time!) where you allow yourself to be more romantic and honest. If you have three months to get closer to her via telephone then you have to try to really connect emotionally with her.

This means sharing intimate stories and secrets and ultimately being a little vulnerable once in a while. This shows her that you have some depth and that you’re willing to be open with her. This will either invite her to do the same (which is what you want) or will invite her to push you away. If she’s not really interested it’s best to find out sooner than later.

This means asking for her real advice for your real life problems. Don’t be an emotional vampire just be open to being open.

For the most part this type connection works best in person, or on the phone. So try phone conversation from time to time.

 

Escalate

Chatting on the phone, or flirting via text is good for a few weeks but it’s easy for other guys in her life to make her forget about you. And visa versa. So plan to visit her a couple times over the next three months! If she’s wanting to text you every day then this should definately be something she’d be into.

Try testing her interest with something like, “Hey, I miss your company. If I come crash in your home town for a few days would you have time to hang out with me?”


Then plan a long weekend, book a hotel room for a few nights, and go visit her. Bring a picnic basket and walk the trails with her, eat home made sandwiches, and take pictures. Have a real fun trip. And hopefully, if she wants to make things more serious, she’ll crash in your room with you the whole time.

You’ll know you’re winning her over because she’ll ask you questions like, “So, are you seeing anyone back home?” or “So what do you think of me?”

If she’s into you she’ll want to make things more serious… she’ll want to make the relationship more official.?Then seal the deal and become exclusive.

But if she doesn’t ask those questions, or she doesn’t make time for a visit, then she’s not likely as into the relationship as you are. And that sucks. All you can do is the best you can. You can only be the best you that you know how, and from there you should be willing to move on. There will always be other women who are more interested and more available.

I’d love to hear how this works out for you,

~ Robby

 

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3 thoughts on “Question: Can I Make This Long Distance Work?

  1. germanotaku says:

    "Don't do it", eh?

    Hey Rob,

    been quite some time since i've posted on your blogs, but this one interests me. Over at girlsaskguys i answered this topic seemingly endless times and it was always the same.

    Long distance relationships are difficult. Often times not as fulfilling as wished and even more often they just don't work out.

    Basically the advice i gave somehow seem to conclude with yours. Apart from all this tension, rapport and flirty stuff there has to be one fact aparent on which you grasped, too. (God i hope this is understandable :D)

    A Goal!

    Long distance relationships are able to work if the span of time has a deadline of some sorts. You said it for yourself "Three months? That's nothing!" and this is true.

    Only if there's light at the end of the tunnel then it is that you still belive in daylight, right? You don't lose faith as long as you see it.

    But!

    Even if you see it, the light shall become bigger. No one wants to drive through a tunnel whose ending doesn't seem to get any closer at all.

    Personally i am in a LDR myself. I've met a girl overseas few years ago, we kept in contact, somehow from friendship more developed. I flew to met her (14 hour flight, yes it is LONG distance ;)) and yeah, we completely fell for each other.

    We see the future pretty much the same. She wanted to leave her country, even before me. Both of us know that she has to finish her studying first. After that (one last year) she will move over here to germany for 3 months first to see how it is and when all goes well hopefully she'll receive the permanent stay VISA.

    Both of us know lots of things can happen which will make the two of us staying together very difficult, but we got a timeline.

    One year of studying -> visiting -> few months back until visa is accepted -> living together.

    Now please don't ask me what happens if any of our "plans" don't happen. In this situation you can not have any single negative thought 🙂

    Being realistic doesn't hurt, but it doesn't really help either (not yet).

    Meanwhile ofc we're talking often via phone or skype. Skype especially helps a lot – everyone having a long distance thing going on should be able to skype. Seeing each other is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO important.

    Chatting we do, too, but sometimes people – even though writing in the same language – use completely different words and thus misunderstand each other.

    Seeing each others reactions to what you're writing or saying helps a lot to make misunderstandings not happen at all.

    Long Story Short:

    Long Distance Relationships are only for those couples where both partners really – LIKE REALLY – love each other. LDRs can't be too long and permanent contact has to be there.

    If you're able to visit your loved one – even if its just once in three months or so – do it.

    Well that's it, thx for reading 😛

    Sam

  2. Jeff says:

    Well, i surely wasn't expecting a full on Blog post! Thanks for the help Robby, this gives a little clearer direction to follow

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