Is Self-Approval Bad Or Unhealthy?


Hey Rob,

On pg 59 of Ignore and Score, I’m wondering if you can either expand, or just offer an opinion on self approval. Specifically, because I am quite taken with Napoleon Hill’s great old tome the Law of Success and in it, he cautions strongly against self approval. Almost like pride goeth before a fall, ya know?





Hey Mark!

I’m not entirely sure I understand your question but I definitely have an opinion about pride and self approval.

Please realize these are just my opinions and that you should use your own life experience and wisdom to develop your own beliefs and inner systems.  Most of my best ideas are really just born from the ideas I’ve read elsewhere that “feel” most right for me in my life.

I grew up in a Catholic house and my mom explained to me the “sin” of Pride. Unfortunately I was too young to question what I was being told and so I grew up confused about this.

Since then I’ve learned a few things for myself and I’ve come to understand the world in a different way.

I no longer worry about “sins” as described by the bible or by my mom. Today I would define “sin” as anything that harms myself or others.

So as an adult what do I think of PRIDE or SELF APPROVAL?

Well, these are two different concepts. Pride can be a feeling of accompaniment. Self Approval is different; It’s about feeling approved of, and loved, and fitting in. Both of these ideas can be expressed as a type of emotion or feeling. And both of these ideas can waiver from healthy to unhealthy.




It’s healthy to feel pride in ourselves when we’ve done something difficult or we’ve overcome some personal obstacle. For example, this story of Ben Davis who lost 120 pounds:

feel pride

I’m proud of myself for finally finishing and publishing my book IGNORE AND SCORE. I worked really hard to write that book and when I watched it start to make sales in book stores I felt great accomplishment.

I didn’t need my friends to pat me on my back to feel GOOD about myself, even when they did.

I love and appreciate my friends but I try to ignore their compliments (and approval) because deep down I know that they don’t really KNOW if I worked hard or not… and therefore their opinions of my effort aren’t accurate. Only I know if I worked hard or not and therefore only I know if I should be proud or not.

I love my friends and I feel loved by my friends but I don’t base my own pride or approval on their opinions.

I don’t take their praise personally. Just as I don’t take their criticisms personally. This helps me stay free of the good and bad opinions of others. I try not to every take anything personally, which is often easier said than done.

Being proud of yourself for something you actually accomplished sounds okay to me. As does giving yourself approval for things that you’ve earned and deserve.



I think that pride becomes unhealthy when it’s used as a measuring stick against others or as a tool of manipulation.

How can pride be used as a tool to manipulate?

Imagine a man who’s insecure about himself. Perhaps he fears that his friends don’t really like him, or that they find him boring. Perhaps in order to feel better about himself he’ll boast about his income, or some girls he took home from the bar. In this way he’s hoping they will become jealous of his success, and in return he will feel pride in his accomplishments.

Except the fault in his boastful approach is that he’s tying his inner value on someone else’s measure of it. In his fear he’s asking his friends to define if he’s “good enough.” And if they are impressed with his money and women then they give him the approval he’s seeking. He’s letting his friends decide how he should feel.

He’s letting others dictate his emotional state. Which is a dangerous and horrible game to play because he’s vulnerable to the whims of others.

When others don’t like him, then he feels bad and he lowers his own defined value.

And here’s a secret… someone will always not like us. No mater how great we are there will always be people who are hateful or jealous.

Pride can also be damaging when refuse to help yourself out of a feeling of pride. For example, if you’re slowly going broke and don’t know how to ask family for help? That’s a form of pride. Or perhaps you’re become obsessed with superficial aspects of your appearance, causing you to suffer from eating disorders? Perhaps that’s a type of negative type of pride as well.

When you refuse to have perspective in order to maintain a delicate self image, that’s when pride becomes harmful. This is why it’s best to always force yourself to maintain some humility and modesty.




How can you tell if you’re being confident vs arrogant? They both seem to come down to a strong sense of self but why does arrogance feel so… negative?

Arrogance is confidence taken to extreme. When you take confidence and exaggerate it in such a way that you become disconnected with reality, then you’re swimming into the dangerous world of arrogance.

When your confidence begins to step on other people and you start to lose respect and appreciate for others then you’re likely being arrogant.

Even the most confident person can appreciate that others have different perspectives and opinions and feelings. An arrogant person often assumes everyone is wrong in comparison to themselves.

We are drawn to people who are confident because we can respect them. And we avoid arrogant people because we don’t respect them, and they clearly don’t respect us.

Confidence is giving and patient and open. Arrogance is closed and impatient and dismissive.

Can you feel the difference?

Here are two examples of people… Will Smith (confident) and comes across as genuine VS Kanye West (arrogant)who comes across as an asshole. They are both supremely talented and yet one seems to complain of persecutions and suffering (West) while the other shares love and inspiration (Smith).

59827-Will+smith+quotes+and+sayings+ f03f7fb8-a3d4-4281-823b-439f6ec982d8



It’s important to understand something here. It’s healthy to decide upon our own inner pride and value, but this doesn’t mean we should disconnect from others or their feelings. I think the greatest “sin” is to lack empathy. It’s okay to share our feelings with our friends and those we have relationships with.

Do you know what we call a person without empathy? They are defined as being psychopath. This is someone who is antisocial who is disconnected from the feelings of others. And this isn’t what I’m talking about.

It’s healthy to FEEL what our friends FEEL. Having friends that tell us what they think of our behaviour keeps us grounded in reality and allows us to have some perspective on ourselves. Plus it helps us share our inner burdens and struggles. Being connected with those we love and trust keeps us safe and happy!

It’s okay to hear and accept the options of our close friends, as long as we don’t give them any more power over us than we give ourselves. It’s easy to let an overbearing insecure friend try to manipulate how we feel about ourselves. For example, I’ve seen parents try to control their own daughter by trying to make her feel bad about herself just because she was trying to understand a different religion then they followed.

Plus, there’s a terrible price to pay when we become too disconnected from others. And that’s when we become self absorbed.

Being self absorbed is the same thing as being alone. And that’s terrible.

It’s completely unhealthy to be blinded with our own inner struggles. Being prideful and self-righteous is an unhealthy defence mechanism people express when they’re trying to delude themselves. Those angry people who protest at the funeral of military men are these types of sad people. They enjoy causing controversy and being in the papers as a way of expressing their self-righteousness. They would prefer to think of themselves as being more HOLY than everyone else and therefore enjoy casting blame and hatefulness at others with signs and distractions. But that’s not holiness, that’s a clear lack of empathy for others.

Being honest with ourselves can be humiliating and painful if we’ve made mistakes. Nobody wants to hate themselves, nor should they. And so our ego will defend itself by striking out at the rest of society. It’s WAY easier to blame society when we have a lack of sexual success… “those damn whores and bitches don’t deserve me!”. Look at the sad tale of Elliot Rodger who became so disconnect with the world that he blamed women for his killing spree.

It’s hard to face our own disfunction’s and missteps. It’s hard, it’s painful, and it’s worth it.





It’s not our fault that the world is full of challenges and hardships. Life isn’t fair. There isn’t a fair distribution of wealth, or health, or success. It’s not our fault, but it IS our responsibility.

It’s not your fault if you’re depressed or bipolar or at a genetic disadvantage in this world, but it IS your responsibility.

When we blame others we are trying to cut ourselves lose from the responsibilities we have for ourselves. When we ask others for their approval we’re asking them to be responsible for how we feel. When we disconnect from the world because we feel fear and hate then we’re trying to escape the hard fact that WE are responsible for OURSELVES!

My point is that there it’s okay to be proud of yourself when your intent is to share love. If you’re bragging about something to your friends ask yourself this, “am I bragging because i’m waiting to see what they’ll say about me, or am I sharing with them because I love them?”  If you’re trying to “get” something from your friends, like approval or jealousy, then you should take a moment for a little self reflection and perspective.  When you love yourself it’s easy to love your friends, and visa versa.

And it’s also easy to try to make everyone else feel terrible when we feel terrible, like spreading a poison.

Just be wary of your true intent…. is it love or poison?  😀

I hope this helps?

~ Robby



Stop Trying To Convince Women To Date You!

(Today’s Guest Guru Post is by David Wygant, a legendary Dating Coach with his own fantastic website Go check it out!)

Why do so many of you guys feel like you have to convince women to date you?

Are you really that pathetic?

Do you not practice self-love and self-confidence?

Do you not have any pride?

Why do you think you have to convince women to date you?

You can’t convince a woman to want you. Attraction isn’t a choice. Either a woman feels it or she doesn’t. Imagine going on a date with a woman, and then her calling you non-stop even though you’re not attracted to her. But imagine her trying to convince you non-stop how wonderful it would be to be with you, and how great you would be together. Wouldn’t it annoy you? Wouldn’t you see her as the most desperate and insecure woman you’d ever met?

Of course you would! So why do I keep getting these emails?


There’s a girl I’m trying to convince to date me, but I just don’t understand her. She’s not interested in me. Sometimes she responds harshly to me too. I want her so badly. How can I get her to date me?”

She responds harshly to you? Do you have a complex?

She’s not interested in you. Give it up. Do you really want to be with a woman who reacts harshly to you anyway?

It’s not healthy being with a woman who is going to bust your balls and make you feel insure and insignificant all the time. It’s amazing how many guys put up with this. There was a client of mine a couple of years ago who was in an abusive relationship. The woman actually beat him. That’s right. She hit him, yet he stayed with her because he “loved her” and didn’t think he deserved any better. And that’s what these kind of emails tell me.

If you spend all your time trying to convince women to date you, you shouldn’t even be dating right now. You should be listening to my audio called “Self-love.”

You need to improve your self-confidence and boost your self-esteem. You need to feel great as a man, because if not you’re going to keep attracting mean, abusive women, who only want to be with you because they know they can control you. You can’t convince women you’re great. They have to see it themselves.

It’s time to man up and start working on yourself. Women are not the end all be all. A relationship doesn’t define who you are. You need to define yourself before you have a relationship. My advice to you is get your balls and your manhood back, and THEN go and find a girlfriend. Don’t waste your time chasing women who don’t want you!

Social Anxiety – Help! I’m Shy With Women!

(Today’s Guest Guru Post is by David Wygant, a legendary Dating Coach with his own fantastic website Go check it out!)

I’ve been a dating coach now for nearly 20 years, and without doubt, the most common problem guys are dealing with when they come to me for help is being shy with women. I would say at least 8 out of every 10 guys who look me up for coaching want help finding a cure for social anxiety, or help overcoming approach anxiety.

Question: Why Does Dating Feel Like Such A Struggle?!


I’m so tired of being a failure with dating. I just want to skip the struggle, failure, and heartache and go to the end. I have had enough shitty relationships to last multiple lifetimes.

There’s so many attractive women, I don’t know what I need to do to keep the attention of one.

Double Your Online Dating


Let’s get right into it… dating online is superficial.

Before she she will want to connect with you in “real life,” or even via web cam, she has to like what she sees.

She can’t hear you, or smell you, or pickup on the nuances of your personality until she get’s to spend some time with you face to face, cheek to cheek.

She can’t even taste you… yet.

The reality is that your dating profile is all she get’s to see so let’s make the most it.


Profile Photo

Nothing is as important as your profile photo. She will NOT  read your profile if you look unattractive in your profile photos.

But the benefit to dating online is that you can take as much time as you wish perfecting those photos… I recommend having three photos, no more than five.

Have one head shot, one full body, and one with friends. The head shot allows her to see your full beauty. The full body allows her to see what your body looks like, and the one with friends tricks her into thinking you have friends.

This article is all about your money shot… your face.


How To Pose

Here’s two major tips on making yourself look amazing:


Use A Professional

Listen… as nice as your iPhone camera is, it’ll never give you the beautiful lights and darks, and depths as a Pro Camera with a Pro Lens.

Just hire a pro, it’s worth it.



Use A Soft Flash

If you’re doing this with a friend suggest using a bounce flash, or a diffused flash, as opposed to a harsh direct flash. Using a direct flash will make you look older and will give you hard edges. A soft flash will make you look more.. handsome.

Learn more here.



Create Depth Of Field

You can’t get a decent depth of field in a photo with a pocket camera, you need a nice camera with a nice lens. This is what using a pro is good for. But if you’re still set on using your buddy Frank and his DSLR then be sure to create as much depth of field as possible. Learn how here.



Fill The Frame

Often dating sites will shrink your photos into thumbnails, which will shrink your beautiful face… so make sure your face fill the screen.



Fitness Translates To The Camera

Obviously there is only so much a camera can do for how you look. The best way to improve your appearance is to be physically healthy, lean, and happy. Those who care for themselves tend to be more attractive.

21 People On How Life Has Changed Since They Went From Ugly To Hot
21 People On How Life Has Changed Since They Went From Ugly To Hot


Self Worth Takes Work

When you work on your confidence it builds confidence. When you work on your muscles, it builds muscles.

For some reason there are plenty of men out there who don’t realize that you can BUILD your self esteem through purpose driven work. Confident men don’t accidentally become confident, they work at it. All the time.

Here are a few resources I like that might help you, should you want to refresh your confident muscles.

Deep Inner Game, On Being A Man, Become Mr. Right, Man Transformation,,



Here are some famous portraits by Martin Schoeller to inspire you.

Click To See More
Click To See More


Breast of luck!

~ Robby


Turning The Conversation Sexual


Maybe it’s her friends pulling her away from you, maybe it’s the loud music in the club, maybe it’s you. You don’t know WHAT it is but it’s a matter of time before you lose her. You can see it before your eyes.

In what follows, I’m going to solve this problem for you. I can get you past this sticking point of not being able to get a girl genuinely interested in you for more than a couple of minutes. In fact, I’m gonna do more than that.

The answer is sex. If you want to get laid a lot and with lots of different women, you have to introduce sex as early in the conversation as possible (I’m gonna teach you how).

What I’m about to teach you will not only move things to the next level with pretty much any woman, but will cause her to never catalogue you as yet another “boring dude” that she’s met in the club.

After being told by several different girls that, no matter what we talk about, I always steer things to sex, I want to share this weird secret with you. I’m about to show you how to lure girls into innocent conversations, plant a sexual seed and then quickly start talking about sex like you’re already doing it with each and every one of them.

How to sexually arouse a woman mentallyconversation2

If there’s one mistake guys make with girls that sabotages their chances of getting some, is they aren’t sexual enough. They spend hours and hours trying to “build rapport” or “getting to know her” or, even worse “creating attraction”, instead of focusing on the primal emotion that drives us humans: sex.

Even before you start opening your mouth, a woman’s brain whispers to her “SEX!”. This guy wants to be with you. So yes, sex is on the table right from the get go. Now, you can’t start talking about it right from the start – that would be creepy.

But what you CAN do is wait for the right moment to show your sexual side, and then jump at the opportunity, instead of wasting it by fluff-talking your way out of getting laid. And that moment happens usually way sooner that most guys think… usually in the first 4-5 minutes after you’ve met her, sometimes even as soon as 90 seconds.

The good news is that turning a conversation to sex can happen at any point. You just have to trust yourself that you can do it and let go of that silly voice in your head that tells you it’s too soon.

To be a master at turning conversations to sex, you have to know a lot about it. Here are a few starting points (all of which are covered in the Sensual Hunter Method):

– sexual jokes
– sexual facts
– sensual projections
– celebs and gossip


I know, I know. Talking about Brad Pitt’s sexual life is somewhat below your level, but you’ll be doing it with a purpose. You see, it’s socially acceptable to talk about a celebrity’s sex life, even at times when yours or hers is out of the question. From there on, the seed has been planted and you’ll soon enough start discussing which position she enjoys best.

Sexual jokes and facts are yet another way to spice things up. Stronger than sex gossip, sexual jokes should be used carefully. Use stronger jokes when you’ve already established some good rapport. Use lighter ones when you’re not there yet.

And if most of the jokes you know are too dirty to say to a woman you’ve just met, how about some sex facts?

Did you know that dolphins and bonobos are the only creates besides humans that have sex for pleasure? Or that a sexual act can burn 100 calories for the woman and 150 for the man? Did you know that kissing can reduce tooth decay?


Once you start digging into sexual facts, you’ll absorb them like a sponge. Trust me, once you read and reread them, more and more opportunities to inject them into innocent conversations will unfold.

Let me put everything into perspective for you on how to become natural at turning any conversation with a woman to sex:

1. Educate yourself to the point you become a sex expert
2. Start regular conversation with girls, then, with the first chance you get, interject some of the things you remember about sex
3. Don’t be afraid they’ll react badly: they won’t. Stand your ground and let the chips fall where they may.
4. Interject more sexual facts, jokes or projections after 3-4 minutes. You can, of course, adjust this interval depending on your skill and the girl you’re talking with.


Good luck!

~ Don Amante

Contributor from


Robby’s Breast Gift Ideas For Her This Christmas 2013


Hey listen… your girlfriend is a fickle creature. If you don’t provide for her this Christmas then someone else will. So skip the annoying lineups and order her ANY of these Christmas Gift Ideas online and in the comfort of your torn/stained underwear.

What do I know about gifts, you might ask? Because I’m a God Damn expert, son.

For example, for my Tight Tortilla, I made an advent calendar this year. You know that $6 chocolate calendar you can get from Walmart that has 24 chocolates for the 24 days before Christmas?

Well fudge that sheet.

I made her a small gift bag for each day before Christmas.

Gift Ideas For Her Gift ideas for women

Why? Because we’ve been together for 5 years and I haven’t proposed yet, okay?

Get off my back about it!!


Organic Tea Flowering Gift Set
gifts-ideas-01 WHY?

  • It’s Orgasmic Organic.
  • She puts it in her mouth. BOOM!
  • It’s the number 1 seller on Amazon in the Tea Gift section.
  • It’s flowers man… FLOWERS that she DRINKS! Fucking genius.


Peter Lik Art And Photos

  • The Photos continue to increase in value each year.
  • They are beautiful.
  • They are very expensive, so she’ll be impressed?


Laser Cut Jewelry Via Online Artists
Jewelry WHY?

  • Homemade Art that she can wear makes you a seem just a little more handsome.
  • It’s most likely to be something she’s NEVER seen before. Boom! You’re her hero!
  • It’ll give you more reasons to stare at her chest (boobies.)

Just Google Laser Cut Jewelry online to see what’s available.

This artist seems amazing.


Homemade Photo Calendar

  • It forces any other guys in her life to see photos of you by her desk/bed/locker all year long.
  • It reminds her of the fun you both shared last year.How often does she forget those few amazing times ya’ll had?
  • You can pat yourself on the back for making a personalized gift while keeping cash in your wallet (it’s cheap.)

I suggest using iPhoto, Shutterfly, Londondrugs, or even Costco.



Girl Porn – 50 Shades Of Grey Box Set
gift-ideas WHY?

  • Yes your girlfriend fantasizes about sexual submission, even if you’re too lazy to test her boundaries.
  • Within the first book the hero and heroine exchange 124 “grins” and 124 “frowns”… which, by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences “intense,” “body-shattering,” “delicious,” “violent,” “all-consuming,” “turbulent,” “agonizing” and “exhausting” orgasms on just about every page.

Or try any of this EROTICA.


JACEK Chocolate Couture

  • It’s chocolate made from Magic and baby panda tears.
  • JACEK Chocolate Couture is proud to only source chocolate from the best chocolate makers around the world who are committed to empowering cacao farmers to improve their incomes, who are active in supporting industry programs that aim at eradicating abusive child labor, and who have ecological sustainability in mind.
  • One word: Truffles!


Isla Bonita ( Fancy Bikinis )

  • Famous people wear them on TV – like Sarah Hyland from Modern Family.
  • If she’s got the body for this sort of thing… then she should share it with my eyeballs.
  • They’ll make her ass look EPIC.
Lindor Chocolate Truffles, 5 Flavors (50 Count)

  • There’s 50! So basically you could eat 15 before you wrap it and she wouldn’t even notice.
  • Women’s Magazine says that chocolate improves her sex life.
  • Do you even know what a Truffle is? If you did you wouldn’t be asking why… just order two for yourself and dump the fatty.


What did I miss? Let me know below!

~ Robby



Roundies, Sandbags, Cannon Balls, and Hooters…


Sweater Pillows?

Snake-Eyes Dice? How about Tannin’ Cannons, MRE‘s (Meals Ready To Eat), or Midget Earmuffs?

Either way you know what I’m talking about. Boobies!

And so here are some videos proving to you that not all women are guarded about their boobs… I mean, most women know they can ruin us with one look at their Traffic Stoppers.

~ Robby

(P.S. You can see more videos from these guys here: Simple Pickup )



Question: Would Sex With A Hooker Help My Confidence?



I’ve read some of your article and it seems like you definitely understand women.  Do you think it would be a bad idea to lose my v card at a (legal) Nevada Brothel just to get it over with and gain some much needed confidence?



Hey, thanks for the question!

Any two people can meet in a club and go home and have sex, and that’s perfectly legal. But the moment there’s money exchange it becomes illegal?

That’s bullshit!

Sex with a hooker

So ya, if you’re going to find a Lady Of The Night… have fun! Just play safe and don’t do anything that will get you arrested.

But I will say this…  you won’t walk away from Paid Sex knowing anything about sex. The entire encounter will be fake and won’t teach you anything.

If you want to build your confidence with women then you definitely shouldn’t tie your identity to your virginity, nor should any one thing (like sex) dictate how confident you are.

Confidence is about trusting yourself to handle any given situation. 

You will often see sports jocks who do well on the field also do well in the dating world. This is because they’ve been through really hard challenges both personally and professionally and they simply learn how to feel grounded and self secure no matter they face… even in the face of challenges they’ve never had.

Confidence cones from trusting yourself to figure things out no matter what you face. 

In order to build your confidence you should work on these main things:


1) No matter what happens, you’re going to be fine.

You should realize that no matter what happens on a first date (or 20th date, or the first time you have sex, or the millionth time you have sex) you can handle it. Even if she slapped your face and ran away crying, it’s going to be okay. Even if she laughs at your dick, it’s going to be okay. Even if nothing happens and you really connect with a girl… it’s going to be okay.

This might seem impossible to believe, but I’ve been around and I’ve seen some shit. Everything is survivable.

I think I have this mindset because I’ve taught myself this over many many years. I went through a horrible divorce and when I came out the other side I realized… nothing lasts and nothing ever kills me. Even my hardest up hill run… even if my heart feels like it’s going to stop and I can’t breath… I always survive because nothing is really that bad. 

Keep Calm …

2) Courage takes practice.

If you’re scared of talking to women you’ve just met then teach yourself, slowly, to talk to strangers. I did this myself… I would make small talk while shopping. Things like, “Excuse me, do you have the time. Oh, that’s a great watch, where did you get it? Thanks!” I’d ask people every day just to get in the habit of making small talk with strangers. And over time I’d ask even the super hot girls in huge groups. And eventually I learned how to string those conversations out longer and longer. 

Find very small things that make you nervous and try them out. Even in tiny ways.

Even physical challenges are really good for this. I used to run a lot and I would run up a hill and refuse to stop. Even when I felt like I would die, just to prove to myself that I could make it even if it really really really hurt.

This build my courage through experience.


3) The only person who’s opinion matters is your own.

A great skill to develop is the ability to not take things personally.

When someone gives you a compliment say, “Thanks” but never ever let their opinion build you up, or make you FEEL good about yourself.

Strange right?

The benefit is this: when you no longer give credit to the opinion of others you are free to only give and get approval from yourself.

And in this way you will no longer care when someone insults you, or tries to hurt your feelings. When that dude makes fun of you because you didn’t know something you can shrug it off… because you don’t CARE what he thinks of you.

And when you take the time to give yourself approval, each day, through your actions, you build your confidence.

“Hey Robby, good work out today!” 

“Hey Robby, I like how you made your bed first thing in the morning, I appreciate that dude.”

“Hey, good hustle on that run today!”

Over time you’ll discover that every time you work hard you will reward yourself with strong inner dialogue.

This will make you immune to the disapproval of others. And will build your confidence. Because confidence can either be tied to what someone else thinks (making you their dog or bitch) or it can be tied to you and your own personal successes.

This work will build your inner strengths. And if you want to be good with women too, then study them. Read some books. And more importantly, talk to them. Because when you’re open and honest and vulnerable with a girlfriend, she’s going to WANT to give you sex… and she’s going to fear that she’s doing it wrong the entire time. They ALWAYS fear doing it wrong. And it’ll be YOUR job to teach her what you like, and her job to teach you what she likes… and you might have to ask if she’s super shy. But you won’t have this communication with someone you have to pay for sex because they only care about making you cum and getting you out the door.

There’s a tonne of online videos about how to perform in the bedroom, and I don’t mean main-stream porn. I mean instructional videos made by women. Watch them and learn. 

I especially like the sexual advice from David Dedia, look him up and read his stuff!!



Yea there’s a few legal brothels in Nevada. Totally safe and legal. Condom use Is mandatory. 

You make a lot of excellent points. 

That is definitely true about doing things that scare you and being in shape giving you confidence. That’s cool that you do hill running. I’ve ran 10k races before. And I have a Black Belt in Kenpo Karate. It does wonders for your confidence.

However the problem is that even though I feel good about myself  doing these things I still have NO clue how to talk to girls or get them to like me.

I guess my biggest fear is not knowing what to say.

I get what your saying about how it’s not what you say to a woman, its how make her FEEL. That’s very true. However. Even though I can make women laugh and make small talk I never know how to take it to the next level. Should I start by maybe playfully touching them or giving subtle hints? 

I just want to add that you’re a really awesome guy. That’s really admirable that you have taken to sharing what you have learned about women and inner game with your fellow man. A lot of guys would  jealously guard there secrets. 



Hey, thanks! Ya, there’s no need to guard these ideas from other men, unless I somehow think I can sleep with all the women of this world. But I can’t, so someone else should. Hopefully that’s you.

Women seem scary only because you don’t have experience with them. I was lucky enough to grow up with all women in my house, so I grew up learning that women are hilarious and insecure and harmless. They can’t physically hurt you, so that fear is gone. And most women grow up thinking that their social value is completely tied to their looks… which makes most women incredibly insecure about themselves. This is unfortunate for them, but gives guys like you and I a decent chance at wining their hearts.

Because when you’re a MAN who can take care of a woman with true love in your heart, no matter what her moods, you’ll always get the girl.

I’m sure martial arts teaches you composure in the face of fear and danger, right? Well being good with women is this exact same thing.

When you first approach a woman and you can keep calm and happy, deep into your soul, it doesn’t matter what she says… all that matters is how she FEELS about how YOU feel. If she was feeling bitchy and was trying to push your buttons but you were completely un-reactive to her.. and you even grinned a little, as if you knew a secret (the secret is that girls push guys away often as a test, and sometimes out of insecurities) then by just being calm you would calm her.

I’m rambling…

Once you’re in a conversation with a girl, or even a date, it’s EASY to move things into the bedroom. 


Because the steps to get into the bedroom are always the same. It’s like learning a Kata in karate. Learn those steps and simply take them each one at a time.



Your job is to hang out with her and have fun – the VIBE needs to be comfortable and fun. Learning how to flirt a little and tease her a little is what helps build tension and mystery and suspense. Being honest and open and vulnerable once in a while is what helps her relax and trust you. The combination of teasing and trust is what women call “chemistry.”

Women WANT to have a sex with men. They love sex too. But they fear being hurt. And they fear being embarrassed.

So as a man you need to always assume she’s scared.

Making Chemistry is easier than you might think.


Sex Is Just A Room In a Haunted House

Think of sex as a dark scary room in a haunted house. You’re both at the entrance to the house and you’re thinking about going in to find that scary room together. How do you get her into the scary house and into the scary room with you?

Teach her three major things:

1) That the house is scary but it’s harmless and fun. The scary part is what makes it fun.

2) You’ll protect her by taking her hand and leading her room to room, always taking all the risks yourself.

3) She can trust that you’re willing to back out of any room, or situation, at any time should she get too scared.


To help you accomplish these three steps, when seducing a girl, you need a little preparation.


1) You need to learn about all the scary rooms in the haunted house in advance. 

This means learning about sex via books or videos or friends or articles. This way when you’re naked you can relax and explore her body inch by inch without being surprised by anything, and so that you’re not unsure of what to expect because you’ll have already seen it in a video, or read it in a book. Truly, the “sex” part of sex is easy. Anything you do with her naked, even if it’s just kissing and touching, is sex.

Check out these photos of people in a haunted house…

This also means learning about the specific steps of sexual escalation. This is also outlined in detail online: Google Escalation Ladder by Vin DeCarlo. He’s breaks it down pretty clearly. 

David DeAngelo also wrote something called “Bridges” 

So learning these steps is most likely what you’re missing.


2) Teaching her to trust you comes from being trust worthy.

Always do what you say you’re going to do.

And be patient by taking a step back if she’s acting nervous. Always stop when she wants to stop. Pay attention to how she feels (don’t ask just pay attention.)

Don’t let her see you judging other women for the way they look or act or dress. Don’t call women slutty, etc. She needs to learn that you’re completely non judgemental. This helps a woman relax and open up to being vulnerable ( and naked ) while with you.

When you’re flirting or teasing her make sure you only tease her about things that she’s really confident in, and never what she’s not confident in. So you would never tease a fat girl about being fat. You could only tease a skinny girl about being fat if she’s is completely aware that you’re being sarcastic. This takes time to find a balance and practice. I’ve made girls run from the room crying while I was learning where this line was. When in doubt just play it safe. Ha!


3) Taking her by the hand and being a leader is how you get a girl naked. Because she will never do it for you, unless she’s paid.

Another side of trust is when a guy leads. He invites her out for dinner. He suggests a time and place. He suggests he picks her up and drops her off. By leading you’re telling her that she can relax and that you’ll take all the risks in order to help her relax and trust you.

Don’t fear… once you’re in a relationship you can start to share the leadership and trust, but not at the beginning.

Here’s an article I wrote on the Dynamics of Holding Hands.


I hope this get’s you started on the right path, and into that scary room in the back of the haunted house. Or, if you’re a really player, sneak in the back door and surprise her?

~ Robby



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