10 Reasons “Nice Guys” Finish Last

After writing my first book I started getting hundreds and hundreds of email dating question, and I started to see the patterns of nice guys who were frustrated and hurt because of their lack of dating success despite how “nice” they were. I know this because I’m a nice guy too… but I’ve found my way through the confusion and I’ve now compiled this Top 10 Reasons That “Being Nice” won’t get you the girl!

(Let me know if I’ve missed something in the comments at the bottom.)

Reason 10: Nice Guys Often Lack Leadership

Leadership - Take Her By The Hand
When you’re busy asking her, “Should I pick you up? Where should we go? What should we eat?”  she’s busy thinking, “I don’t care either! Why can’t you just be a man and make a decision for us?”

The Lesson: Stop trying to handle her with kitten gloves, stop following her around like a lost puppy dog, and learn to LEAD. Learn to make decisions, learn to surprise her, and finally stop asking for her permission and approval. Most women are very happy for you to lead each date like it’s an adventure – instead of being asked to drive the bus.


Reason 9: No Back Bone

Don't Be A Door Mat

When she freaks out for no reason, in a rude or arrogant way, and you apologize and tolerate her behaviour. You’re a doormat that she doesn’t respect, but you accept her bad behavior just because she’s hot.

The Lesson: Have boundaries and enforce them. No woman can be attracted to a guy she doesn’t respect. If you let her walk all over you, simply because you’re desperate for her to like you, then you’ve already lost her. Being nice won’t buy her respect, but standing up for yourself will.


Reason 8: You Make Excuses

Don't Sulk And Complain

You sit at home pouting that you’re not rich enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough to meet and attract the type of women you really want. This prevents you from walking over to the women you see, simply because you’ve already assumed you’re not good enough. And while you’re sitting there hating the “bad Boy” who’s talking to her, he’s thinking, “she’s cute, but is she worth my time?”

The Lesson: You need to understand this if you ever wish to “pull” your dream girl – her preferences don’t matter. If women only dated pretty boys with money, most women would be single.

It’s not how you LOOK that matters, it’s how you make her FEEL that matters. There’s a huge difference between being GOOD LOOKING and LOOKING GOOD.


Reason 7: Being Nice Triggers “Friend” Feelings

Don't Be Her Girlfriend

When you’re saying, “Wow, you’re just so beautiful. Sure I’d love to give you a hand. What time do you need me and my buddies at your place to help you move? Can I pay for it?” she’s thinking, “Wow, this guy is super nice. He’s going to make a really good friend.”

The Lesson: You can’t simply “super-size” how nice you are and expect she’s going to suddenly choose to become attracted to you. Attraction isn’t about how nice you are, it’s about how attractive you are.

If you’re realizing now that you’re acting like all the other nice guys, then do yourself a favour and learn about attraction (unconscious emotional response.) You’ll discover that there are many subtle ways you can turn her on, and being SUPER NICE is NOT one of them.


Reason 6: You Spill Your Guts

Don't Be An Open Book

Instead of taking your female friend out (who you’ve secretly had a crush on for years), to have fun, drinks, and a possible bedroom adventure, you’ve decided that taking action is too risky, and have chosen the logic of a hand written love letter explaining all of the deep desires you have for her, and how you plan on ultimately sweeping her off her feet. Basically you turned creepy out of fear of being too aggressive.

The Lesson: Love letters and other over-the-top romantic gestures have way more power when she’s already attracted to you and you’re well into a relationship – not BEFORE you have a relationship. This is just creepy. Taking action, and leading her on a fun dating adventure with you is WAY MORE POWERFUL than using words. You can’t logically convince a woman to become attracted to you, but you can influence her body’s emotions while with you. Bring her mystery, adventure, and fun and she’ll start to FEEL things…

Be a MAN and take ACTION!

(Follow the specific steps in my video course!)


Reason 5: You’re An Emotional Vampire

Don't Be An Emotional Vampire

In your desperate attempt to connect with her you dump all of your deep emotional stories and drama on her lap, hoping she’ll see how sweet and vulnerable you are. Instead she feels like your mom.

The Lesson: “Bad Boys” keep their core insecurities and emotions all bottled up and hidden, and this can be very intriguing to a woman who thinks they can get into his soft goey centre. He becomes like a puzzle she needs to solve.

To be attractive you should find the middle ground between being open and honest while keeping your deep emotional upsets hidden until long into your relationship.

Allow her in, but do it slowly over time – not within the first 5 dates.


Reason 4: You Pedestalled Her

You keep showering the hot waitress with compliments and attention hoping that it will finally buy her affection when her real interest is in the bad boy at the bar who barely notices her.

The Lesson: Putting a girl on a pedestal while showering her with gifts and praise is nice – and most women love this – but she simply can’t feel attraction for you from up there.

If she can’t respect you (and how could she from way up there) then she can’t feel attraction for you. The typical “bad ass” doesn’t waste time trying to raise a woman up: he spends time taking her down a few notches. Instead you need to find a middle ground where you can be playful and tease her like she’s nobody special, while NOT being condescending, rude, or insecure.

Being “nice” isn’t a way to barter for her attention. You can’t trade your approval for hers – it doesn’t work that way. Instead you need to see her as equal to you, if not slightly less. Force her to work her way into your good books and she’ll thank you for it.


Reason 3: Seeking Her Approval

Nice Guys Seeking Her Approval

You ruined the most perfect date by ending it with a hug and by saying, “So, am I your type? I really had a great time! Can I please see you again?”  which sub-communicates to her that you’re too insecure to risk kissing her, and that you need her approval to feel good about yourself. The bad boy doesn’t doesn’t seek her approval which ultimately fascinates her.

The Lesson: Any action that you take that communicates “I need your approval” will kill her attraction. She wants to feel that you can handle yourself in any given situation, even if things are going bad (that includes having a date with her where she’s not happy with you) so asking her anything like “how am I doing” will scream to her the success of this date is completely in her hands. The “bad boy” doesn’t worry about whether she had fun or not: he is only concerned with his own fun.

It’s better to just kiss her, if you feel like it, and deal with the consequences. It’s better to leave her wondering if you enjoyed the date and will call her again, because it puts you in her thoughts. You might want to know what she’s thinking about you, but never ask.


Reason 2: She Doesn’t Have To Earn Your Interest

Nice Guys Often Chase Her And It Turns Her Off

When you meet a really attractive woman you become unduly obsessed with her, convincing yourself that she’s the one when you don’t even know her yet. This intense focus of attention will only make her realize that you’re superficial (you don’t even know the REAL her yet) and that you’re a little unstable. Giving her too much credit without any effort from her lowers your value in her emotional body.

The bad boy allows her to convince HIM of her worth, thereby helping her to feel she’s earned his attention and affection, and she will ultimately find him more rewarding to be around.

The Lesson: We don’t value anything that’s free. If you give her all of yourself just because she’s pretty, then what does that say about your value? It tells her you’re superficial, that you’re not worth much, and that any next hot girl will gain your attention just as easily. If, instead, you assumed high value, and really took your time getting to know her before you start showing her your deep affection then she’ll FEEL that and she’ll appreciate you WAY MORE. Make her earn your high opinion of her.


Reason 1: You’re Trying To Manipulate Her

Being A Nice Guy Often Means Trying to Manipulate Her

Ultimately you’re acting nice around her because you’re trying to manipulate them. You probably don’t even realize it.

Instead of saying what you’re really thinking, you’re editing yourself because you’re worried about offending her, turning her off, or losing her interest. By allowing her to walk all over you, take your time, money, and energy, you’re expecting her to return the favor through her attention and affection. You’re asking her to exchange her approval and energy for your attention, gifts and affection.

You think that you can trick her into liking you by pretending to be that Romantic Hero who treats his woman like a fairytale princess – except you demand her attention, affection, sex and love in return for your payments.

This is called manipulation.

The Lesson:The bad boy doesn’t waste a woman’s time by being fake. He’s upfront about his thoughts and opinions, and ultimately comes across as authentic, even if he’s a little bit of a pig. Ultimately she’ll avoid the “jerk” because he’s selfish and self-centered.

Women are more likely to trust a pervert who’s honest about it, than a nice guy who’s only pretending to be nice.

How do you know if you’re being nice or just being fake?

Do you give a girl compliments because you want a “thank you” in return ? Do you give a girl gifts and attention with the expectation that she’ll appreciate you more for it?

When you expect anything in return for your “good deeds” then you’re trying to manipulate her through your actions.

This isn’t authentic niceness.

It’s fake and creepy.

Women don’t want “bad boys” even when they’re attracted to them – they want honest, sincere, fun guys who are nice BUT who also have backbones and who value themselves more then some random girl with nice tits.

~ Robby

P.S. Want to learn more about getting the girl? Watch my video course 🙂


40 thoughts on “10 Reasons “Nice Guys” Finish Last

  1. Marrie says:

    Great post and excellent advice…and I'm a chick! Look, women generally do like men to lead, be themselves, have a life of their own, and be confident. Any woman who says different is a project lover! Most of the negative feedback from the women on the this post are because they are getting hyper-focused on their individual preferences or taking your advice to the extreme; of course you're not suggesting that men should be apathetic, disrespecting jerks! Glad I found your blog…good stuff!

  2. Drew says:

    first of all I am a nice guy.

    having read all your points they are good but you fail to address the key issue which lies with the woman being philaphobic.

  3. mmjmagpie7 says:

    you’re all wrong but. the expression “nice guys finish last” refers to the bedroom. stop feeling bad about what you were right now. if you are a nice guy be glad about it. if you were a manipulative guy quit it. to thine own self be true. I know the bedroom thing seems kind of trite but if you are truly a nice guy and not a selfish guy or a manipulative guy if she enjoys herself your going to enjoy yourself 10 x as much. you’ll feel better she’ll feel better you’ll both relax and get to enjoy each other more and ultimately this will be so much more fun. ultimately this will be light hearted and this is the kind of relationship that laugh if that is what you want

  4. wiplash says:

    my oldman told me a simple way to get a women.
    treat a bitch like a princess, and treat a princess like a bitch.
    i always use it. never fail to amaze me 😀

  5. gozatka says:

    Am I the only girl who actually like nice guys? And think that insecure and vulnerable guys are cute?
    I would rather friend zoned a "bad boy" that a nice guy because I can't be attracted to someone who isn't nice to me. I may be friends with jerk but I can never ever date one. Maybe because I know my value.

    I will agree with reasons 2 and 1 though. You can't really care about someone you just met, and a guy being nice to every hot girl make me feel less special for him.

  6. Lisa says:

    I wish sometimes my boyfriend wouldn't tell me I'm beautiful every single day and be so damn freakin' NICE!!!! Oh, well, at least he's stable, secure, and gives me my space and doesn't need me by his side 24 freakin 7 like SOME of the men I dated!!!

  7. vanessa says:

    i've came across your advices and here's my opinion – they are terrible. you're depicting something completely "caricaturialized" and tend to explain why "good boys" get rejected. you're giving an explanation why someone who is inexperienced and completely insecure is going to fail to even engage a contact with a woman and you tend to draw your own conclusions on why "bad boys" will have an upper hand.

    that's not right. no matter how "good" someone is, and when i mean "good" i mean nice, NOT your type of good which means being "insecure good guy trying to give a good impression" or "the manipulator type"… no matter how good a guy is, he's not going to be good enough because a woman will become lethargic and demand him to plan everyting for both of them. that's whys both men and women need to draw their lines. unfortunately most men feel the obligations to be the ones who lead everything and most women tend to be going with the flow and expect their men to do all the job, or to be the guy who handles everything without them investing much effort.

    this includes but is not limited to taking her out to clubs/restaurants each time and planning every single detail for both of them, planning their summer vacation, mountain climbing, a random picnic, you name it… while a woman acts lethargic. ofcourse he's also to pay all the bills.

    why will it NOT be good enough? a woman will find a reason because deep down she doesn't care enough to be assertive and give her share of participation other than lethargic participation. i find no problem with it although i'm giving my share of participation because i want to show i'm also putting some of my work into it, but many other women do seek for a needle in a haystack and take everything for granted.

    and that's why materialism happens to be the most obvious offender, it's just themost annoying and most obvious example of taking things for granted which most men will be desperate to meet. e.g. a car is not good enough, a man is possibly living with parents or actually rents an appartment because he has no house of his own, he could be a jobless student or some lousy apprentice, etc. such woman won't care if it's unrealistic for her to expect a man to have his own fully equipped appartment and all other stuff in his 20s, and she sure as hell doesn't bother to ask herself if she is to participate in anything to achieve that or anything else in their potential marriage… a man is expected to provide her everything and it should be available right now or within a year or two at most, which brings us to a prince trope that most of us hate. i don't need a prince and it's insulting for me, but there's lots of women who act as if they do place such requirement. that's some serious problem with post-feminist revolution which proved lots of women only want priviledges when it suits them and actually don't want to take obligations as a direct consequence of further equalizing of genders (which isn't fully achieved at all anyways!), why most women tend to set unrealistic expectations and the higher the status they have, they still expect her man to be above that, everything about marriage happens to be a competition, starting with their man's height, looks, wealth, her tratment, etc. if you'd ask me, this is one of main reasons why you have lots of single women (and men), inability to handle new circumstances in a society and trying to selectively use only the things that a going into your favour.

    ofcourse this is pure generalization and not everyone acts like this, but if you'd be sincere and look the truth in the eyes you'll find this is the standard scenario for many if not most couples, NOT your scenario(s) that you described. you're more of making an excuse for a woman to act like a jerk and as a woman, psychologist AND a feminist, i'm obliged to correct you and warn all girls to actually think with their heads and be more assertive in any relationships that they engage. that doesn't mean to become bossy at all. there are lots of fields where women shold become more assertive, initiating relationship and participation is just one of them.

    and why does the "baddie" always gets an easy way? because he's a jerk. he shakes the very foundation of lethargic relationship. he's going to be rude and hit the weak spot right on. he's going to make a woman feel that she's making a mistake for being lethargic, he's going to play on her "pseudo-feminist side" and demand/force her "equal participation", but in fact he's most likely going to force her to constantly try to save their relationship, making her a complete servant and a fool, acting like a jerk whenever he wants to.

    if he happens to change and stop being the violent, rude, agressive type, this thing might work out to be normal. bad thing is that this is rarely the case but most women still engage such relationships because they think that THEY will be the ones that will make him change and become good or normal guy.

    when you talk about "leaving" good and bad guys, one is to be said. a woman is more likely to be the initiator of break ups. but in case of bad guys, woman will rarely be the one to quit such relationship. and in fact even if she does quit such relationship, the guy just never cares enough to even acknowledge that and will often keep coming into her life the same way like before, acting like a jerk, because ultimately he just doesn't care.

  8. Jenny says:

    I gotta say I can relate to a lot of this… I've never been so attracted to a man as I was when I met this "bad boy" at a festival some years ago… I always seemed wanting to go back to him for some "fun".

    He was the mysterious type with that "I'm the best"-attitude, unlimited self-esteem, macho as hell, always gave me that dirty look that killed me every time.

    But to quote Jean Gray from X-men:

    "Girls flirt with the dangerous guy, they don't bring him home; they marry the good guy."

    I could never spend the rest of my life with someone like that. Bad guys for me are just for short, none-serious fun.

    I've found someone I want to and I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. But he's the sweet, sensitive, nice guy. The one who cares about my opinions of something, asks me how I'm feeling, want to hear my ideas, or if I have any, curious about me, my inner thoughts, treats me like an equal and willing to stand by my side at any time. That's called a partner for life. At least for me. I don't want anyone to make decisions for me. I run my own life, but I don't mind sharing it with someone who respects me.

    Of course, surprises like if he suddenly says "Tomorrow, I'm gonna take you somewhere nice. I'm not telling you where, you just have to trust me!" -THOSE are the things that really mean a lot to me. But he always asks me if I have any plans for that day, first, which is also important for me.

    I used to date a guy who didn't care about whether I had my own plans or not. I had to follow by his rules all the time, and I wasn't allowed to plan anything at all. I really hated him.

    So for me, there's a fine line between taking charge and respecting what SHE has in mind. Guys should have some self-esteem, by all means, but there's nothing more I hate than a guy who think he can boss over me, my life, my decisions and my plans.

    It takes two to tango!

    We girls, are quite different from each other in many ways. 😉

  9. Din says:

    A little late but I just want to say that almost everything in the article is so true, especially reason 2 and 1. I usually prefer a "pervert" who's honest about it, than someone who tries to be sweet so he can get me in his bed. To those guys, seriously, we can see what you're doing.

  10. Robby says:

    Ha, thanks for comment (BJ) and let me assure you I DID write this article and everything within it.

    Unfortunately my website is looking buggered, until I can get into the database and clean up all this broken code…


    ~ Robby

  11. Sara B. J. (yes, yes says:

    First of all, I am a woman.

    I'm not saying I disagree with what has been wrote here, but I will say this: not all females are the same. These rules will never apply to every female out there. Some of us actually don't consider a relationship a game! and that there should be a sub-standard set of rules, etc. for finding a partner.

    Such as in "Reason 3" — if a potential partner in the dating stage or onwards hints for approval, I give that approval and am not deterred.

    This is just one example in many that I could procure here in my statement that not all females are same or demand the same things. In fact, I find that to think in such a matter would be vulgar, and I assure you, I am not a prude.

    Most females, however, do think in the way listed unfortunately, as if nothing is ever good enough for them. These are the same females that do not claim any form of my respect and decent men should avoid; but as I said though, not all females act thus, so to give other men advice on how to land yourself a little girl who doesn't know what she wants is wrong, in my opinion.

    The last point I'd like to make is that I'm not sure Robby here was the one whom wrote this post because of the manner in which it was typed. The lesson in "Reason 2" states, "We don’t value anything that’s free." Notice the "We." I'm not sure you should be gaining credit here for something you clearly didn't write yourself, whether its bollocks or not.

  12. Jacki says:

    Dear Robbie, I have praised my boyfriend (the Ogre, haha! His moniker, not mine.) that I like it when HE decides where we will go and what we will do on dates. I like for dates to be adventures. I like for HIM to be "in charge". He does not lack self-esteem, but he seems overly concerned about whether I will approve of what activities he selected. I want him to do stuff with me that HE likes too! Then when we are cuddling later, I'll tell him him what a great guy he is (and he is a great guy!) but still, I want HIM to plan our dates. Anywhere we go is pretty much fine with me, and if he chooses a "dud" of a place, I'll let him know politely. But I'll still enjoy being with HIM. Am I wrong to insist that he chooses the restaurants and stuff? I just him to be the Take Charge Guy!

    P.S. I love your blog!

    ~ jacki

  13. Fred says:

    I understand, Robby, and you're perfectly right. Give and take is the name of the game. Scratch my back I'll scratch yours and so on…

    As for being alone, that's never been a problem for me, I've always enjoyed solitude, it builds character and has allowed my creative side to flourish.

    But even that is soon to be of the past: I'm getting married in a few months. Yep, this one's getting hitched, I've finally found a woman worth my efforts and my time after 20 years of fooling around.

    Love is not dead, guys, it just has a very distinct knock and you have to recognize it and be able to open the door when it does knock.

    Good luck to all and be safe in your meetings.

  14. Fred says:

    I agree with just about every points you've made, Robby. I'm the "bad boy" you constantly talk about, I can't help it, I like women and I love sex but I also love myself enough to know that no one is going to love ME more or better than MYSELF. (Yes, I can be selfish, and it's my prerogative). It took some hard work to undo all the traumas I suffered in childhood and my youth experiences have taught me that we are born ALONE and we die ALONE, no woman is going to change that.

    I will not write about what women want or the way they are because every woman is different and I suspect that more than half of them don't even know what they want, it's our 'job' as guys to help them make up their mind by being honest about what we want and what we're about.

    My advice?

    Love YOURSELF and you won't need a woman to do it for you, she'll need you to do it for her 😉

    • Robby says:

      Amazing comment, thanks Fred!

      I might warn you that being selfish is another way we let the world control us… when we react to the outside world by blocking them out emotionally we might be keeping ourselves safe, but ultimately it leaves us alone and guarded. Don't stay too jaded about your past… there is a fun healthy balance of selfishness and selflessness that FEELS good.

      There's also a surprising satisfaction we feel when we GIVE instead of TAKE. I believe love, for example, is something we can only feel when we GIVE it. That's why women can be creeped out by stalkers… because these women don't love their stalkers back.

      What's my point? I've forgotten. Thanks for the comment!

  15. Mike Masters says:

    I will back you up here Rob, simply because the behavior of men that get this label IS childish. Plus the word "creepy" is the word most women use, and there really isn't a better description for some of the creepy shit guys do to women. (I have to admit though that the West is nothing, creepiness knows no bounds in Japan)

    Oh hey, creepy commenter. I am fluent in Japanese and the word "hentai" or "sukebe" is used constantly and is not shunned as being childish. So clearly you know nothing about Japan except what you have learned from the Hentai porn you watch.

    And Rob, you are so gracious. If guys like this take an arrogant dump on my blog I am not kind.

  16. Reader says:

    Robby, thanks for your books. They've been insightful and helpful.

    However, it might help to drop the "creepy" tagline. You're not in middle school anymore. And I hope your female friends and acquaintances have grown past that childish adjective. It's close to use of "hentai" in Japan – often used inappropriately to describe uncomfortable advances or peculiar male behavior.

    • Robby says:

      Thanks dude. I bet you don't like the word "Dude" either eh?
      Or the word "eh"?

      I'm Canadian. 🙁

      The word "creepy" isn't childish. That's like saying the word "vagina" is childish.

      Wow.. the word "vagina" is actually kinda creepy!

      Ask ANY woman of ANY age if the word "creepy" still applies and you'll discover there's no other word that's as perfect for describing the uncomfortable/dangerous feeling some guys give women.

      Ask around and you'll see that I'm right. Unless I have some female readers that disagree? Perhaps I'm about to learn something…

  17. Anthony says:

    I AM that guy you mentioned – last girl shook me up bad because I realized how freakin' needy I was and she was a critical, judgmental and egotistical girl who I felt was "damaged enough" for me – healthy girls wouldn't touch a guy like me.

    My problem is that I feel like a piece of crap about myself and it shows – I've been working hard on it, but it is so deeply ingrained (alcoholic Italian father worked my self-esteem to nothing over 20 years – feels irreversible) that I don't feel that I will ever be able to "fake it 'til I make it" because I have been faking it my whole life – I get the girls, but the neediness comes through eventually and I blow the relationship. Someone might say "you gotta love yourself" or "just have fun with your life without a girl, they will see you having fun and flock to you" but I can't love myself, it has been too much self-hatred ingrained and I don't have fun because all I focus on is finding someone to love and accept me and everything else has no flavor without that.

    I HAVE noticed that I just don't get any attention from girls most of the time. I smile at them, chat when I have the chance, but they just seem to have ZERO interest. I project confidence from years of practice, but it is usually the aggressive, damaged girls that pick me out.

    I don't want to give up here, but I am getting close to it. What is the "game-plan" for the really needy guy once he has played the "game" and got the girl? How do I avoid the inevitable collapse into neediness when it is always there and all it takes is one anxious moment to expose it after dating for a while?

    I KNOW that I need to change my thinking, but I am realistic about the damage that has been done to me and how far I would have to travel to get there – if it's even possible.

    Please don't flame me here, if you only knew the emptiness and frustration I feel about this, or could walk in my shoes for a week, you would totally understand my situation.

    • Robby says:

      Great comment dude, thanks for being so open and honest! I'll send you an email with my thoughts. Basically it takes courage to grow and heal from past traumas (thanks Dad!) I can give you some suggestions but the hard work is yours… but I've seen enough guys and girls pick themselves up to KNOW it's possible and KNOW it's definitely worth the effort!

    • A.A. says:

      Anthony, I'm a VERY needy girl, I tend to date friends of my friends, because I can know them better (my friends tell me many things about them and makes me feel secure). And I try to show my neediness gradually… In the beginning I act a little bit cold. To win my "neediness", I need to see if he's a sweet and tender man.

      But because I'm very needy, my problem is feeling that I give them too much attention, too many kisses, too many hugs, too many caresses, I always help them when I see they're on trouble or busy… so I always think they don't feel the same for me, because I give too much of myself and they don't.

      But recently, I went out with (again) a friend of a friend… (we met at a party and we talked everyday after that, I started to know more about him from our conversations and from my friends). And turns out that when we first kissed, he kissed me so many times I felt I was sick! I had to think a lot if we should go out next time or not… But I thought «Yeah, it was creepy, but it was beautiful… Why not giving him a shot if he's needy like me?! Maybe he just couldn't control the neediness that day (maybe he got that "anxious moment" you talked about! xD)»

      Now he's my bf (very recent), and, for the first time I feel that someone likes me more than I like them… I feel that our neediness is at the same level xD And he's all the 10 things described here and much more… I can add another one: he treats me 100000x better than any girl, a gigantic difference. And the fact he's the same religion as me also helps a LOT, because he has the same values as me.

      First, I fell in love with him with my head and now I'm felling in love with my heart. That's the way it is… When you're looking for love, you're forcing things to happen. Try to meet new people (and know them better, with no aim for love) and one day love will find you.

      • robertbelland says:

        Great comment A.A! Thanks for writing that.

        I like your story. I will comment with this:

        1) I wouldn't advise other men or women to simply date someone as needy and insecure as you are… but instead to work yourself until you're no longer needy and insecure. That being said sometimes it takes someone exactly like us to help us grow and learn together. 😀

        2) Realize that the "nice" things I outline in my article are seen as negative within the first 10 dates, but are seen as more positive within a relationship. Why? Because women want a man who can stand on his own two feet and who don't NEED a relationship to be happy. Because when IN a relationship these same men bring more the table – and they don't treat the relationship like a crutch.

    • Andy says:

      Hey Anthony, i was in your boat for 15 years, nothing i ever did was good enough in my own eyes. You need to study The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. Once i read this book it gave me the insight i needed to fix myself, and trust me nothing else worked until i did, theres no way around it, you gotta fix this part or your doomed for life.

  18. Princess T says:

    "If women only dated pretty boys with money, most women would be single."

    HAHAHA it's probably why I'm single! But that's a whole other story…

    This is all great advice, and so true! We don't want guys to be jerks, but we do want guys who are MEN! Men who take the lead, and respect themselves. Because if a man can't even respect himself, how is he going to respect any woman!?

    Reason 9 is gold – and for the girls: a lady would NEVER speak that way to a man! If you're mad, you should not talk to him at all. Yelling gets you nowhere and it's emasculating to the man. Better to ignore him and let him come to you when he's ready to make it up to you. If he doesn't, he's obviously not that into you, and whatever he was doing to make you mad, was probably his passive aggressive way of pushing you away rather than breaking up with you directly. And now I think I've gone way off topic… sorry!

    (PS – Billy is a big liar!)

  19. Billy says:

    I just read this thing let I am still all alone with my millions of dollars and cheep girls who use me for my cash.

    I hope this will help out the simpletons. but i am still suck in my jail of cash and boobs.


  20. Lois says:

    Number 2 is full of crap. While I agree that this advice is good for the younger generation of women who are unsure of themselves and need to have their "pony tails" pulled like pre school in order to like a guy. Usually real women, mature women don't need a guy to act like he doesn't care, be a jerk, or ignore them to appreciate him.

  21. Karen says:

    Ahh well I'm a girl and I can relate to some of this (in the girl pov). These are good advices.

    The problem may be that every girl is different, obviously. But I think dignity definitely gets you far. And also taking the lead, it's one of the most important things.

  22. Oliver says:

    Excluding the few spelling mistakes (Robby Edit: Sorry A Boot That *sad face* ), this is very well written, with solid advice that actually makes good sense.

    Obviously a competent writer with a lot to say on this topic, your book is quite tempting.

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