I bet you didn’t realize that I sometimes answer dating questions over at www.GuysAskGirls.com. I bet you also didn’t realize that I own 4 cats with my beautiful girlfriend. Yes I do, and yes I do. Wanna fight about it?
Anyways, sometimes I come across a question that makes me so FULL OF HATE AND READY TO DATE that I feel it’s important enough to re-post here.
Here is such a question (try to ignore the bad grammar/spelling):
Q:Why do guys have to initiate everything with girls? why can’t there be more give and take?
Why do guys have to initiative everything with girls? It’s like this, if a guy and a girl want to start talking to each other, the guy starts the talking, the guy starts the conversation and keeps it going. Who starts the conversation first? the guy does. Who says I like you first? the guy does. Who asks who out first? the guy does. Who calls/texts who first? the guy does. Who picks the place to go out? the guy does. Who says I love you first? the guy does. Who has the place for sex? the guy does.
like why can’t things be more 50/50? like more of a partnership?
Mainly, why do guys have to initiative almost everything in the beginning that lead up to a date or a relationship?
Even if it is just flirting, small talking, any form of verbal communication, conversation, why does the guy always have to start it and hold it, keep it going?
I’m okay with a guy asking a girl out but the girl can at least start a first conversation, small talk, or flirt, but why do guys have to initiate everything or almost in the beginning before a potential date or potential relationship?
Why do people say it’s a Masculine thing for the guy, or Man to take the lead, make the first move, doing the approaching, asking the girl out, overall, taking the initiative, why? Is it because Biologically speaking, Men are more dominant?
Since on average, Men are taller and physically stronger than Women, are able to gain bigger muscles because of Testosterone, that’s why even if a Man and a Woman both work out intensely at the same rate, the Man will end up becoming stronger.
Is that why people always say “Because Your a Man”, “Man Up”, “Grow a Pair”, etc.?
Personally, I think it’s easier for a girl to meet a guy, a potential boyfriend and enter a relationship than it is for a guy to meet a girl, a potential girlfriend and enter a relationship because of the fact that us guys have to initiate.
Shyness hurts Men a lot more than it hurts Women.
why does the guy always or more than half the time, have to make the first move, take the first step before socializing with a girl? whether the guy is looking for a girlfriend, date, or just a friendship, etc.?
Also even if it is for just hooking up, casual sex or a one-night stand, the guy initiates everything or almost everything.
Why does the guy always have to start the conversation and keep it going?
Perhaps this seems more like a rant than a question (because it is) but I have immediate reactions to this type of thinking:
1) I want to strangle him for being such a pussy cry-baby.
2) I can relate to his frustration, anger, confusion, and ignorance.
I’ve been where he is. I’ve been that guy who’s tired of always having to make the first move.
But with time I’ve come to discover that it’s better to change and succeed than to lose and complain.
And so I responded with this:
A: Read David Deida books and you’ll understand the deep genetic drives we have as men and women. ( link )
You’re a MAN for God’s sakes… why are you trying to force women to risk embarrassment, public rejection, and social upset!? Women already have enough on their plates… worrying about how they look, how people perceive them, physical dangers of dating, etc.
The reality is that the rejection we get from a “I don’t give my number to strangers” is harmless.
Perhaps complaining that you’re too insecure to tell a woman she’s beautiful isn’t the right approach?
Instead take action, learn how to build your confidence, forget about your useless ego, and start surprising the beautiful women who come into your life by being MASCULINE, proud, and unashamed of your direct approach.
Fighting with him will not save lives, and will not make me a better man. I realize that. Why argue at all?
I argue for 1 reason – other dudes are reading this guy’s comments and the last thing this world needs are more fools wandering around hating on women. And so he continues…
Q:I don’t care if I am a “MAN”, like you say, why does it have to be the “MAN’S” job? is it because Men are naturally, biologically, physicall stronger than Women?
A: No, it’s because of pure chivalry and heroism that it’s your duty to step into that dark scary room ahead of your date… not the other way around.
What kind of “man” expects the woman to face such dangers?
Q:In a way, you kinda are implying that the reason us men have to take the initiative is because we are the dominant sex.
A:Ha! If that’s what you think, then read it again. I’m saying the person with the most masculine traits (typically the man, but not always) should be the one taking the risks.
Would you let your sister or mom walk ahead of you into a dark dangerous room? I hope not.
It’s the same with dating… don’t ask her to take the risk of rejection. Besides, how can she respect you if you proven yourself cowardly before she’s even gotten to know you?
Q:Girls have it so much easier because they always or usually have the final say, the final approval or final denial before taking anything further sexually or socially, all girls have to do is say Yes or No.
Girls have all the sexual and social power when it comes to dating and relationships.
A:Of course it’s up to her whether or not she’s going to have sex with you, but I’m unsure why you think that gives her any more power than you?
I can say no to sex just as she can.
As a man I have just as much power to be selective about the type of women I chooseto talk to, who I choose to sleep with, etc.
The reason you’re complaining is because you’re likely living a life of low value where you think women are only valued for the sex they can offer, and that you can only provide her value through money, social status or attention.
The truth is that those men who get any girl they want are men who see themselves as powerful valuable guys, who assume the status they display. They definitely don’t whine about women, or complain that “women have all the power.”
Take a moment and try to understand the importance of this mindset. Think of yourself as a powerful sexy man who women want to be with and you’ll start to see the world very differently.
Q:Thanks, well that’s easier said than done, but it’s hard to develop that kind of confidence and attitude if you have little experience with women. Not only is it up to the woman if she is going to have sex with me or not, it’s always up to her whether a relationship or date is going to happen.
A:Fair enough. Sometimes learning a new mindset requires us to see the impossible. If you think attracting women is hard, then you need to spend some time with guy’s who are amazing with women. You’ll notice that they have beliefs that you may never have considered before.
What’s what happened for me – I started seeing things I thought not possible, until I was making those same impossible things happen.
If you can’t find those guys, then read about them. Start with “The Game” by Neil Strauss.
Q:None of my friends are amazing with women, they are all single. Seriously, women have always had it easier, and they always will have it easier.
A:It’s that “limiting belief” that’s messing you up. The reality is that woman have it WAY harder than us guys. Put yourself into the shoes of any cute girl and you’ll become overwhelmed by the unrelenting unrequested attention from creepy and dangerous men. You can’t relate because you’ve never felt the physical/emotional dangers women do when dating. They need protection we don’t, so don’t blame them for being picky – blame men for making them feel unsafe.
Q:I still think women have it easier because all they have to do is just wait, they get easy dates standing still, us guys have to work in order to get anything from a woman and with a woman.
A:Your problem is that you’re trying to “get something” from women. And they can tell when you approach them. If you had something to share, instead of take, you’d have much more success.
P.S. I work far less at getting date then any of my female friends… so explain that.
Q:No, I’m referring to the fact that us guys have to do all or most of the work when it comes to getting a date or relationship.
A:I’m unsure what “work” you’re referring to.
Do you mean working out 5 days a week, eating hardly nothing to stay thin, buying endless makeup, hair extensions, hair coloring, high heel shoes, perfumes, dresses, eye lash extensions, books to explain how to catch a guy, coffee’s with girlfriends to find out if he really likes you, and self defense courses in case he tries to rape you?
No wait, that’s what women do.
All you have to do is put on pants and ask her out. Seems pretty easy.
Q:The work I am referring to is that us guys always have to make the first move, and all the other moves that lead up to getting her number, first date, first kiss, first time making out, first time having sex, asking and starting the relationship, making it happen.
A:That’s not work, that’s fun. Like playing a video game, or eating a yummy breakfast. Next you’ll start to complain that mommy doesn’t wipe your bum anymore, and that nobody is lifting the fork to your mouth when you eat.
Leading a woman into a fun sexual relationship is one of the greatest events life has to offer. I can’t see how you would want to participate even less the you already do.
What’s the outcome of this long exchange? Who knows.
If you’re sitting at home angry about women, or frustrated about your lack of success, realize that it’s your responsibility. Your life is YOUR life. Go meet some girls, chat them up, and ALWAYS have a positive outlook or you’ll end up alone, at home, arguing online with other guys who know better.