Being jaded is the worst thing you can do to your future sex life. Why? Because it’s the type of negative energy that makes all women repulsed by you.
Trust me, you’re not so important that she’s trying to spite you. She’s simply making the best choice for her. And you would do the same if you realized how many options you REALLY have!
Q:I was dating this girl back home over the summer. Even though it really wasn’t that long, it seemed like it because we spent every day together. The only problem was that she still had a year of high school and I had started my second year of college 8 hours away.
Nevertheless we were very attached so we decided to continue our relationship with plans to visit one another every other week. However the second week away she simply said that things weren’t working out and she couldn’t do it right now. I figured that she was worried about the distance so I decided to be her friend and help her work through it which is what she wanted because I really care about her and I want us to be together.
Anyway I’ve spent a month waiting for her to “figure things out” and I find out last night that she’s been seriously talking to another guy for a while.
Not someone even remotely cool, but a high school dropout with no job and nothing going for him. One thing she said is that she would never date a small town loser and this guy is the quintessential small town loser.
Is she just that fake and desperate?
Or is she really just a skank who wanted me as a summer hookup buddy and now that I’m not there all the time she’s moved on to the easiest thing she can get. I’m just baffled and heartbroken at the same time.
What should I think?
A: You’re learning the hard lessons of “attraction” and “rapport.”
Attraction is about tension, danger, romance, mystery and seduction. You were none of these things.
Instead you were trying to build “rapport” which is about being friends, sharing, story telling, and connecting. This only works when you are already IN a relationship… not living 8 hours away from each other.
She doesn’t go home to sit in a hot bath of soapy water thinking about all the “nice” things you did for her (she knows you like her so she has no reason to think about you)… she thinks about that boy she isn’t sure about… that guy who’s mysterious and dangerous. While I applaud your efforts to be her friend in an effort to help her out, your mistake was thinking this would “get you the girl.”
Your second mistake is getting upset at her (“is she fake and desperate?”) You can’t blame her for wanting to be with a guy who’s local, interesting, and fun.
Why would she waste her time thinking about you when you live 8 hours away? And why are you wasting your time even caring about this girl when she’s not in your life anymore?
Do you think she’s going online to figure out why things didn’t work out with you two? No. She’s out having drinks with new guys.
Nothing makes an old girlfriend easier to forget than a new girl who’s worth getting to know.
Get out there and meet some new women, and learn from this past mistake. I’d also recommend you get rid of this anger, and learn to appreciate how awesome your summer was with her.
Life is temporary, and wasting time thinking about the past is a great way to miss the future.
This next question is from a girl who seems to be stuck in a place where she’s insecure and needy. It’s unfortunate because it’s a place like that which will turn great girls into unattractive girls… like Heidi Montag, who was once really cute but who’s become desperate and needy.
Q:My ex is with someone else and wanted to be friends, we talked for awhile but just as things are going good between us he stops me being able to talk to him (without a word), so I stupidly keep texting him to try and talk and he just totally ignores me, I even ask if he never wants to hear from me again, just to let me know, he says nothing.
He was the one who wanted to be friends even tho I said I didn’t know if I could because he’s with someone else and the way I feel about him.
But why when we’re getting on so well, and talking like we used to does he do this?
I even asked if he’d mind talking to me on the phone or msn once, just to have a chat normally and that be it so I can move on with my life but he didn’t even take that?
Is he ever going to talk to me again?
Why be ok with me 1 minute and then do that the next? I haven’t msg him in a week and I know I should move on but I just want answers!
I only talked to him like normal!
A:Being mature is about making decisions for yourself.
Needing his approval, needing his response, or needing him at all, is about your own insecurities, inadequacies, and likely your own misguided assumptions.
Do you NEED him to like you before you can like yourself?
Do you NEED him to say “I’m not interested in being friends any more because my new relationship can’t handle me talking to more than one girl at a time” before you’ll “GET IT”?
These are all external things you can’t control, but it sounds like you’re depending on them to guide you before you’re willing to do anything else.
Don’t be weak and dependent upon him and others.. be STRONG and independent, while others wait depend upon you.
As soon as he doesn’t respond to your FIRST text message, that’s your cue to get busy with something (someone?) else.
Nothing makes an old boyfriend easier to forget than a new guy who’s worth getting to know.