I’m going to cut to the chase… there’s really only 1 reason she’s not more than just a friend: fear.
Right? I mean… have you even tried to kiss her?
Tell me I’m wrong.
Go ahead, lie right to my fat ugly face!
But just because I’ve already written this blog post title, and therefore can’t possibly go back to change it (I’m lazy), I will now give you 5 reason’s you’re still stuck in the penis prison we call “the friend zone.”
Reason 1: You’re Not Dating Other Women.
Perhaps one of the greatest ways to influence how a woman FEELS about you is how other women tell her to FEEL about you.
Social Proof. Jealously. All of these things work in your favour!
Because FEAR stops most guys from making any romantic progress with the women they desire it’s easy to understand why a man would THINK that keeping himself single would help him “get the girl” … sorta speak.
We dudes have an amazing ability to backwards rationalize our bad decision making. Too often we over think things and we make the bad choices.
Let me ask you this…. which description sounds MORE attractive to a woman?
Man Number 1: Actively dating and pursued by other women?
Man Number 2: Celibate and single?
Yes, keeping yourself single and available SEEMS like the most LOGICAL choice, but when it comes to attraction and romance LOGIC doesn’t peal her clothes off… how she FEELS about you does.
It’s okay to worry that she’s going to exclude you as a possible boyfriend when you’re dating other women. Because at least it puts you on the radar and it shows her that you have the qualities other women already find desirable. And the added benefits are that you don’t let your JUNK get rusty from lack of use.
And, of course, the odds go up that you’re going to meet a woman who’s actually into you without all the fuss….
So date. Other women. Even if only as a form of practice and good manners. 🙂
Reason 2: You’re Predictable.
Most guys are so worried about pushing a woman away that they lack any action at all. Instead of building attraction and tension they choose the path of predictability and friendship and commonalities.
You’re stuck in the Friend Zone because you’ve been really good at being friends. And friends seek comfort and sameness. You mirror each other’s likes and dislikes, feelings and beliefs. This will help her to feel cozy and warm. This, in it’s self, is VERY important if you want a relationship to grow long term, but it’s terrible at pealing off her panties.
Here’s some quick tips to help you mix it up:
- Have your own opinions about some things. It’s actually good to disagree in order to show her you’re a man with his own beliefs.
- Start doing things you’ve never done before, even if she’s not there. Like taking a gun course, or join a running group, or make your own art. Being unpredictable requires you to try NEW things. These mini adventures in your life become fun and interesting stories you can share with her when you hang out.
- Hang out with her less. Being available is predictable. Being unavailable is immediately less boring. It leaves her wondering who and what you’re doing.
- Tease her once in a while about something she wouldn’t expect. Maybe you think her cute new purse is more like a horses saddle. Don’t be mean, be playful.
- Don’t always answer her calls or text messages. Why? Because you’re a busy guy and sometimes you miss these things!
- Don’t always answer her direct questions with direct answers… instead be playful and aloof and slightly mysterious. She wants to know what you did last night? Well you can’t tell her because it’s a secret.
Sop being generic and boring and predictable. Develop your personality and strengths and embrace your identity! Stand out, it’s worth it.
Reason 3: You’re Not Sexual.
It’s your job, as a healthy man with a penis (presumably), to spread your genes…. or at least to practice the process. This makes you a sexual being at your very CORE.
So please come to grips with this. Being sexual is OKAY and you need to find a way to accept this within yourself. Because she won’t until you do.
Now that you’ve given yourself permission to have sex, to want sex, and to share it with whom ever you choose, it’s time to remind HER that it’s okay to be sexy.
Your JOB is to AMP up her FEELINGS of attraction in order to overcome any resistance she might naturally have.
- Women like sex.
- Sex is okay and good and healthy.
- It’s okay to find her sexually attractive.
- It’s okay that she KNOWS that you find her sexually attractive.
- It’s more fun for her to wonder if you find her sexually attractive.
- Sex is about being playful, it’s not all serious business.
This is why it’s okay to date other women, for example. It reminds her that you’re a man with a working penis. And that if other women are enjoying your penis then perhaps she might too!
Basically you need to start flirting and teasing her more.
Teasing a buddy is how we guys show affection for each other.
Flirting is how we show affection with women. It’s like teasing except we pick topics she’s confident about, not topics she’s insecure about. This is important.
We might tease a buddy if he’s gained weight because men tend to respond well to challenge from friends. But women don’t respond to challenge in this same way… they tend to prefer positive encouragement and love.
For example, I have a very fit female friend who knows she’s hot. And so I like to tease her about her big hands. Why? Because she’s confident enough to take it and because her other guy friends wouldn’t dare. But at the same time I like to tease her about bubble butt. It’s round and perfect and she knows it and sometimes it’s fun to remind her that I want to bite it.
Basically you need to flirt and make more sexual undertones. Because if you’re going to sleep with this girl she should see it coming. It’s hard to suddenly kiss a girl if you’ve never slowly built up the sexual tension and teasing.
Reason 4: You’re Not Leading Her.
When you’re with a girl is she driving or are you? I’m talking figuratively and literally.
If you want to seduce this girl then it’s YOUR job to take her by the hand and lead her on an adventure!
So always be the driver.
YOU pick HER up. You drive her home. You make sure she gets in her place safe every time!
Being a masculine attractive man requires you to do some work. Don’t be lazy.
Don’t ask her where she wants to go or what she wants to eat. That’s boring… bad. Instead suggest it.
If she’s not into it she’ll let you know.
This is bad: “Hey Christine! Wanna hang out sometime this week?”
This is good: “Hey Christine! Clear your plans this wednesday night… I have something fun for us to do. I’ll pick you up at 6pm, don’t eat anything and wear those sexy jeans!”
You can’t lead a woman to bed if you can’t even lead her out on a dinner date.
So get used to making ALL the plans. Help her to get used to just following YOU. Even to dinner. Or to the dog park. Or to the local out door music festival. Or to that parade. Or for a romantic walk while the sun is setting. Or through a crowded restaurant to your table. Or from your couch to the floor in front of the TV.
By leading you’re doing many good things. You’re setting up a relationship where you LEAD and she FOLLOWS. She follows because she’s learned to trust that you’re going to take care of her AND you’re going to help her FEEL good. How you take her hand when getting out of your truck communicates how you’ll take her in bed. And she FEELS that.
Eventually she will trust you to take her anywhere, even your bedroom.
Here’s a secret… it doesn’t matter how INTO you a woman gets – she will never make the first move or the next move. She’s waiting for YOU to do it!
Reason 5: You’re Not Touching Her.
Fear stops us from doing all the right things.
The problem is that we guys fear rejection even more than we fear death. Well… it’s our egos that fear rejection more than us as men. Here’s a great article on fear: 5 Fears We All Live With
The reason it’s so scary to kiss her is because you haven’t done all the small things that lead to kissing her. But when you’ve done all the small things then the big things are just normal steps in the adventure of sexual escalation.
Don’t know all the little steps? Read this: Escalation.
Don’t suddenly try to kiss a girl.. because that’s weird. But if she’s already used to you giving her a big hug every time you see each other, and she’s used to you flirting and teasing her, and she’s used to you touching her in a thousand little ways, then that first kiss is just a tiny natural step in the process.
Don’t fear touching her. It’s going to be okay. It’s your job to slowly and constantly test her boundaries. Playfully.
Ways To Touch Her:
- playful and fake palm reading
- back Rub (her rubbing your back, of course)
- learn Yoga together
- piggy Backs
- tickle fights
- swimming together playing tag or wrestling or shoulder rides
- face painting
- painting fake tattoos on each others bare backs
- workout and stretch together
- hug hello and goodbye
- give her an airplane ride: Image
She’ll let you know if she’s uncomfortable – with her words or more likely with her body language. So pay attention to how she responds to each little thing you do.
If you know how to massage a woman’s back you’ll see how easy it is to touch her skin, her face and her lips.
So take baby steps but find every excuse you can to kiss that girl!
And do it quickly.