Here’s an ugly surprise: not all women will instantly say, “YES!” to your confident and charming request to gain access to her number.
I know this might be hard to believe.
Before you initialize the complete disintegration of your self esteem I hope to settle you the FUDGE down in order to save you from any further unnecessary suffering.
Despite my hate for your ego I will suggest the following reasons that a woman might dismiss your kind request and therefore gift you with the continued miracle of your over inflated pride and courage.
1) She’s Not Single.
This seems ridiculously obvious but if she doesn’t tell you explicitly how are you to know she’s taken?
It’s soooooooo easy to just assume her “no thanks” is a rejection based on your ridiculous shirt and pants when the reality is that she’s already dating someone else.
Realize that even married women like to flirt and have fun with the girls when out on the town. Flirting doesn’t automatically mean she’s DTF. Flirting just means she likes feeling sexy and pretty and appreciated despite being trapped in a loveless marriage (or a happy one I guess.)
And the more courageous you get in approaching women the more likely you are to just start assuming all good conversations are a sign of a woman’s interest (that’s my natural assumptions anyways).
Just don’t become so self delusional that you fail to see the signs of her disinterest: a ring on her finger, her polite “no thanks” when you ask for her number, or her awkward comment about her husband the first time you really made her laugh.
If she doesn’t give a reason then this is a safe assumption to give yourself instead of that disgusting feeling of rejection and remorse.
2) She Isn’t Attracted To You (Yet).
Attraction is about her FEELINGS, not her logical mind. So even if you fit the kind of guy she’s looking for that doesn’t mean she’s going to FEEL attracted to you. Even GOOD LOOKING guys aren’t always attractive to every woman.
How she FEELS towards you is also affected by what’s happening in her life. Maybe her dog is at home feeling sick. Maybe she has diarrhea cramps from that Tuna Taco she ate for lunch. Who knows!?
Sometimes you catch a cute girl at a bad time.
And because of that you can’t really blame her or yourself when she doesn’t really FEEL the urge to give out her number to some guy she just met; even though you’re totally awesome and wicked smart.
What I can suggest is that you do your best to pump up the “attraction” as much as possible before you try closing the deal. Here is an article suggesting some basics: Attraction In A Woman.
3) She Doesn’t Feel Safe With You (Yet)
A major reason women won’t share their number with dudes is because of safety concerns, or lack of. I think most guys don’t appreciate how dangerous it can be as an attractive woman. Many men are just plain creepy. I know plenty of women who have had stalkers, abusive ex-boyfriends, and have been attacked just for being attractive.
If you have Murder Eyes she just might not feel safe enough to give you access to her life.
So make sure you take the time to calm a woman’s nerves when you first meet her. This comes from building rapport, making her laugh, and giving her safe and comfortable personal space.
Basically pay attention to her body language – if she’s open and warm and inviting, if she’s laughing at your jokes, if she’s leaning into you physically, and if she’s giving you warm happy eye contact then all signs point to “YES.”
Here are some great resources for building rapport and comfort: Resources.
4) She Was Faking It
Many women are socially conditioned to be polite and calibrated… this is a good thing in my books. Some women naturally give off a warm and inviting vibe that says, “I like talking to you.” This can easily be misinterpreted as “oh, she must like me.”
And that’s okay.
I much prefer this type of woman over a grumpy pants with her Bitch Shield on full blast.
Asking for her number, even when she declines, makes for good practice and social practice for YOU.
If she politely declines you might say, “Well that’s fair. It was really nice meeting you.”
Don’t be the douche who takes this personally and angrily blames women for being flirts and sluts. Flirting is not her commitment to suck your balls.
5) She’s Helping Her Friend Out
It’s possible that she’s with a group of girls and one of them has already called DIBBS on your hotness.
Or maybe you’re the grenade she’s jumping on to save her friends from your Molester Hands.
If she has a friend into you she should REALLY take this opportunity to help you out.
But she might not.
Does this list help? If you’re in a hole of despair and rejection then perhaps this gives you a little more perspective on your situation?
Stand up and be proud.
Every time a woman declines your request you should bow your head in respect and walk away happy that you had the big brass balls to chat her up to begin with.