I’m so angry
I keep seeing a phenomenon that makes me so angry, mostly because I suffered from the same problem: Men, who aren’t finding success with dating, who don’t learn from their past mistakes. Instead they just repeat their same mistakes, but with more enthusiasm.
It’s almost like they think, Hey, I lost weight and I got a hair cut, but she still doesn’t like me. Perhaps I need to try harder. Perhaps I need to take steroids and style my hair super gay.
If improving your looks doesn’t work, then making yourself into a cartoon character isn’t going to be better.
I might have some surprising news for you (well, not for you because you’re smart enough to read this blog and therefore already have all the women in your life that you want) – women aren’t as superficial as the media makes them out to believe.
Here are 5 myths about dating and women many guys believe to be true.
Myth 1) Beautiful women only date men who are good looking.
We learn this from watching movies, TV, and most print media. Unfortunately this becomes engrained into our heads at a very young age, so it’s VERY hard to remove from our mindsets. And, when we’re in junior high and high school, it almost always seems like the hot girls only date the hot guys.
But movies aren’t real life, and (surprise SURPRISE) high school isn’t either. High school is filled with immature attention needy girls who are only looking for the approval of their friends.
That isn’t reality.
Once they leave high school and they enter the ugly world of reality that kind of mentality disappears. Unless she’s Lindsey Lohan and you’re desperate for attention the rest of her life. But Lindsey isn’t built for dating, she’s build for fun.
Instead, realize this, there is a HUGE difference between Good Looking (genetics) and Looking Good (sense of style, clean, hygienic, etc.) I’ll go on record right now and say this, any guy can look good given the right materials.
If you’re fat, lose some weight. The heavier you are the less options you’ll have with clothes. It sucks but it’s overcomeable ( I made that word up. Shhhhhhhhh)
If you’re ugly, shave, get a hair cut, and learn how to dress to impress. Read GQ. Good looks don’t matter, but looking and smelling good does.
The truth is this: women will look at guys who are genetically good looking, but they will date and marry guys who have personality, who they trust, and who will make them feel awesome.
How you look hardly matters when you know how to make a woman FEEL good.
Myth 2) Women only want men who have great jobs and who make great money!
Obviously this isn’t true because 90% of the women married today wouldn’t be if they cared about how much money their husband makes. And yet what drives many men to make more and more money?
That’s right, I said it. Sex.
Many guys want money so that they can get the girls and attention they think they deserve. Except they don’t realize that the types of women that money can buy are the types of women who will cheat, lie and steal; they’re not to be trusted. And what kind of shitty relationship is that anyways? A high priced hooker does not make a good girlfriend.
So, if you want to make money, go ahead. Just don’t rely upon it to get you the girl of your dreams.
Listen: Money doesn’t equal women. Money can buy you access to certain things, but into a woman’s head and heart, it can’t. That takes personality and social skills. So spend less time at work, and more time being social!
Myth 3) Women only want men of power and social status.
Obviously women like men of status and power, who doesn’t? But it’s the same issue as rich men, if you’re a boring, arrogant son of a bitch, she’s not going to care much about your power or status. If you’re a drunk asshole she’s going to avoid you no matter how much stock you have in Microsoft.
So stop blaming the rich powerful guys for getting all the women when you’re sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.
What women REALLY want is a MAN who has passion and his own path in life. She wants a man who’s so deeply set on his purpose that she’s inspired to join him on his ride.
I see too many of today’s young men asking to join women on their purpose instead of the other way around. Don’t be a leach. Get your own purpose. Find it and fulfill it. Women will admire and desire you accordingly. The second you make a woman your purpose is the same second you’ve cut off your own balls and scared her away.
Have passion and purpose and leave the social status for those other suckers.
Myth 4) If I’m nice she’ll like me. And if she likes me she’ll find me attractive.
I’ve written about being the Nice Guy here. Read it.
I grew up thinking this very thing, perhaps because mom told me so, or perhaps because I watched too many Disney Sunday Night Movies If you are nice to a girl she will like you because she doesn’t like being hurt by all the other guys who are jerks.
There is just enough truth in that statement to confuse and mislead you.
Yes, women prefer nice guys over jerks. It’s really that simple.
The mistake is this: being friends with her doesn’t automatically make her feel attraction towards you.
What they don’t teach you in a Disney Movie is the difference between rapport and attraction. Being nice builds friendships and rapport. But it doesn’t build attraction. Because attraction is about tension. Rapport is about getting rid of tension. They are opposites. Wierd right?
Here’s something that might fuck up your head: A girl doesn’t need to LIKE you to feel ATTRACTION towards you. This is why it seems like assholes and bad boys attract women. But, guess what? They don’t keep them AND that’s not the only way to build attraction.
Being nice is important because long term she’ll need you to be sweet, and sincere, and honest. So don’t change that about yourself. And if you’re a dink, then change your tune.
But to build attraction you need to learn how to tease her to please her. You need to pull her hair once in a while. Read this article I wrote on attraction to gain all the essentials.
Being nice is great, but being attractive is what it’s all about.
Myth 5) I need to tell her how I feel!
I blame mom and the movies for this one. If you’ve seen enough Back To School Specials you’ll have learned that the guy who get’s the girl always spills his guts in a daring and romantic way. This is how this myth has come to be. But here’s what you didn’t realize, these girls were already totally into these guys. These girls were already waiting for any reason to be with these dudes. These same guys could have shown up at her door and simply said, Hey, you free for a movie tonight?
As a guy who’s been desperate for plenty of women in my time I can really relate to this one. I’ve been that guy who writes the heart spilling love note to the girl I was desperately in lust with only to come away feeling horribly embarrassed.
We guys feel so much tension in our chests that we think telling her how we feel will release the tension, and hopefully give her enough courage to return the sentiment. But that doesn’t work. Instead it ruins her attraction and causes awkward silences. The death rattle of attraction.
Realize this: women don’t CHOOSE to feel attraction. It’s not a choice. So by being LOGICAL and using your words you’re just boring her.
If you want her to FEEL your attraction, then do attractive things. Do fun things.
It’s not about making her THINK she likes you, it’s about making her FEEL! Take her out for a great meal. She’ll feel good because of the good food and good conversation. She’ll feel full and filled up, which women actually love feeling. Take her some place without telling her where you’re going and she’ll feel nervous with excitement. Making her FEEL should be your biggest focus!
Confuse her and amuse her as much as you possibly can, and the odds of you gaining her favor will go through the roof.
Our problem as men is that we often only see the superficial layers of what goes on between men and women. We see a hot guy with a hot girl and we assume she’s with him because he’s hot. We see famous actors with super hot girlfriends and we think it’s simply because he’s famous. We see the school jock with the hottest girl in school and we think women are superficial.
But we don’t see what’s happening behind the scenes. The jock is attractive because he’s learned how to be fun and social due to the hundreds of events he’s participated it. Being social and fun is something he’s practiced for years, while you were playing computer games in your mom’s basement.
The actor is attractive for many of the same reasons, he’s likely good looking already and has spent most of his life interacting with hot actresses, which gives him tremendous social calibration and experience. Again, he’s highly skilled at socializing and has learned how to interact with a woman in an attractive way.
The rich guy with slutty bikini girls hanging off his arm is the same dude these girls make fun of when they go home at night with his money in their pockets.
Real women are attracted to men who make them FEEL. Ignore the 5 above myths and focus on getting your social skills up, and focus on your personality.
Being honest and sincere is almost enough to stand out amongst most guys, so perhaps you should start there.