One of my greatest (unintentional) “man” skills is creeping girls out.
Don’t believe me? Ask any pretty girl who’s ever met me.
Who. Has. Ever. Met. Me.
I’ve since learned, over many lonely nights, how to turn things around for myself… but I still have a real soft spot in my heart for my fellow male brothers who may still be pushing girls away with their Dexter-style-no-smile-serial-killer eyes.
Hopefully you will now avoid making the same creepy mistakes I
usedto still make.
1) Your “Mysterious” Facebook Friend Invite.
I KNOW this seemed “friendly” in your head when you were snooping her profile at 3 AM last night, but it’s not. Basically you shouldn’t ask a girl to be friends. Instead you should just become friends.
Which you can do in person, when you first meet her, or the next time you hang out.
- Her best friend has already suggested you connect with her via Facebook.
- You’re trying to return the bra she left at your place last night.
2) You Wolf Whistle / Horn Honk / Yell Out
There’s something pathetic about a guy who’s only move is to yell something at a girl passing by, especially when he does it to make his friends snicker and high-five.
She doesn’t like being in danger.Surprising right?
Don’t be a weak ass bitch… if you think a girl is cute smile at her. If she smiles back then you may approach, keep your distance, and make SAFE/FUN conversation.
- If you know her and you’re just busting her balls.
- If you’re alone, she smiled at you, and she’s giggling with 9 of her friends.
- If you’re blowing a Rape Whistle because you’re being attacked.
3) You Wear Too Much Cologne
Shitting in a woman’s nose with your stink isn’t as attractive as you might think. I realize women always compliment a good cologne, but try to realize that she should ONLY smell you if she’s hugging or kissing you.
If she can taste you from 3 feet away then you’re doing it wrong.
- She wears too much perfume and you’re having a vapour fight… cause that’s some shit you can WIN!
- You don’t want to ever see her again.
4) Your Poor Hygiene
What she can see and smell is a prelude to what you’ll have to offer in the bedroom, and this is something she realizes upon meeting you. If you have bad breath, body odour, or greasy skin, then she’s going to (rightly) assume your dick and balls are going to be a thousand times worse.
Also, if you smoke, it stinks. Try the patch or that crazy gum.
Clean your ass (literally) up you creepy bastard.
- None. Your health and well being are everything.
5) Your F*cked Up Facial Hair
There’s two sides to this problem… gross unkept hair, and overly manicured hair.
Having purposely messy hair isn’t creepy, although it does seem kinda lazy and possibly dirty.Think of your face as an extension of your penis. If she doesn’t want to kiss your face… well you get what I’m saying.Please realize that girls don’t want to kiss your stinky soup catcher.
The other extreme is an overly manicured face. For some reason (duh) this is just creepy.
If you’re super manly and must have a beard or mustachio then at least keep it clean and tidy, but don’t spend more time grooming than she does.
- If you’re me, cause I can pretty much do anything I want.
- If she’s already in love with you… she’ll backwards rationalize that you’re just being creative.
- If you’re Brad Pitt.
6) You’re An Alpha-Dog-Douchebag-Neck-Tattoo-Conflict Guy
You might be surprised to learn that being dangerous and overly angry doesn’t get the girl. All it does is make you seem super insecure and fearful… and creepy.
When you spend your time trying to convince other men how tough and crazy you are eventually you’ll become a spoof of yourself. Don’t focus so much on what other dudes think of you… instead relax a little and realize it’s all going to be alright.
- If you’re being sarcastic or ironic.
7) You’re A Narcissus
Being self absorbed is creepy. This includes:
- Your entire Facebook profile is daily updates of self-taken photos. Trust me, you look the same today as you did yesterday, you creep.
- You update your Facebook/Twitter status more than once an hour. Nobody cares unless you’re dead or famous.
- See too much manicuring above.
- You end a date without knowing anything about her.
- You find yourself waiting for the other person stop talking so that you can talk.
It’s a huge sign that you’re not socially calibrated and are therefore needy/insecure/possibly unsafe to be around.
Either you don’t really give a shit about who she is or what she’s saying … OR … you’re so worried she’s not going to like you that you burn the entire interaction trying to convince her of your awesomeness via bragging, stories, etc.
Either way it’s creepy. Next time shut up and listen a little more. Aren’t you supposed to be deciding if she’s awesome or not? Stop trying to trick her into liking you.
- If you’re giving a speech about yourself at some type of award ceremony.
8) Your Dead-Eyes-Serial-Killer Face
I realize that some women make us dudes nervous and super insecure but when you don’t smile, or at least grin, you come across like a serial killer.
If she catches you staring just grin or smile. Smiling lessens tension and builds rapport.
Otherwise she’ll assume you’re trying to determine how it’ll feel to wear her skin as a dinner suit.
- You’re autistic and you’re in a class learning how to read faces.
9) You Continue To Call / Text / Email Without Her Response
I realize how confusing women can be… I realize that it seemed like she was really into you last night. I realize that she gave you her number, email, or Facebook message.
But it doesn’t matter what she did/said yesterday…. it only matters what she’s saying/doing now.
If she’s not responding that IS HER RESPONSE.
Basically.. um… she’s not that into you.
Stop lying to yourself. She didn’t lose her phone. She wasn’t in an accident. She hasn’t forgotten how funny you are.
When she doesn’t reply it’s because she doesn’t want to. Trust me, women jump through ridiculous hoops to contact a guy they really like.
It’s just not you.
- You got some surprise results from that STD test…
10) You Ignore Her Personal Space
It’s powerful to read a woman’s body language, especially when she’s trying to mirror you.The worst thing you can do is ignore what her body is saying.
- close talkers
- trying to touch her too much
- being too loud
- being overly sexually aggressive
- You’re having sex.
11) BONUS: You Seek Her Approval
I figured that since you’ve read this far you deserve one BONUS sign that you’re being creepy.
- you laugh too hard or too much at her lame jokes
- you over react to everything she says like it’s super interesting and exciting
- you lie about yourself in order to impress her
- you give her too many compliments
- you buy her expensive gifts without even really knowing her yet
- you over commit to the relationship before she’s given time to get to know you
- you give her YOUR approval with the hope that she’ll give you hers too
- you act overly nice in order to convince her how great you are
- Your mom wants you to be nice for the family Sears Photo.