After having so many unsatisfying first dates I began to recognize certain patterns and behaviours in the women I was choosing… some people might call these “Red Flags” … I called them “turn ons.” But how often do Red Flags turn into Girlfriend Material?
But I’ve learned my lessons so that you can too.
Is She Girlfriend Material?
As a man I KNOW how easy it is to become Captain Save-A-Hoe. I realize that a woman’s beauty can blind us to her secret motives and her otherwise more obvious damage. But, just incase you CAN’T see the trees for the forrest (because her rack is so epic) perhaps this list will help you filter out some poor choices while you search for Mrs. Perfect
Realize that my following “signs” are meant to help you avoid escalating a relationship from “just dating” (having random hookups, partying together, and otherwise having fun) to “being exclusive” (now she’s your full-time problem.) For example, the “Party Girl” might not make a great “girlfriend” but she might provide a road map to drinks, fun and shared orgasims!
So filter these women out at your own risk. 🙂
Side Note: While reading (then sharing with your friends) this post please realize something… I’m being a superficial asshole. I mean, I’ll write anything for a laugh. Obviously there’s always exceptions to the rules so use your own best judgement. Hell, even hookers can sometimes make great girlfriends (proof.)
1) Her Facebook Is Drunk
Here’s the problem with the Party Girl… she’s sooo much fun! You feel intoxicated when you’re around her, but it’s not because she’s awesome, it’s because she’s raping your throat with booze and her stinky beer breath.
The exception to this rule is if you’re a Party Guy… which I’m not, so I’m a little biased on this one.
You can’t tame a wild animal. If her Facebook Wall is littered 4-years-deep with “I got so drunk this weekend!” status updates, “oops-thats-my-panties” photos, or the “who’s the gross drunk guy giving you a piggy back ride” questions from friends, then she’s not going to be a great girlfriend.
She’s wild, she’s awesome to hang with, but don’t commit to girl who will make you fight for her time and attention. Trust me, you’re never going to make her as happy as the 50 strange guys at the bar showering her with free drinks and compliments. She’s not looking for commitment, she’s looking for distraction. She’s not girlfriend material.
2) She’s Chasing An Ex
I recall having the most amazing first date with this super cute brunet who was training for something called the “Canadian Death Race.” And it took a few hours of dinner, drinks, and a sun set walk along the Edmonton River Valley before I finally figured why she seemed so distant… she explained that she was still really into her ex-boyfriend and she couldn’t figure out why. That’s when I went from potential suitor to councillor.
Try to realize something… attraction isn’t a choice. It’s not about what she thinks about you, it’s how she FEELS about you. And if her FEELINGS are tied up in some other guy there’s NOTHING you can do about it. You can’t compete when she already has feeling of attraction for someone else, especially if that someone else isn’t really into her.
Don’t waste your time trying to “convince” her to let him go, she won’t. Move on, quickly!
Don’t be the crutch she needs to get over her ex because as soon as she’s let him go she’ll let you go too.
Being “super nice” makes her like you, but not WANT you.
Many great guys will NOT heed this advice and it makes me sadz.
3) She’s Got A Case Of The Sadz
Pros: She latches onto you for comfort and support… this can make you feel needed and loved.
Con’s: You’re like a bandaid to her real problems, not the cure. She might appreciate your efforts but her real underlying problems are NOT your responsibility.
It’s really shitty that so many people suffer from depression but in the search for a perfect partner you need to be selective. Its YOUR future you’re working on… don’t start by making this new girl your next 5-year project. Her bagagge isn’t YOUR baggage. It’s in our nature as men to try to “fix” things, but when you start a relationship on different grounds (you’re happy and she’s not) then your foundation is setup to fail. Either you’ll grow to resent her for being a burden (and not appreciating how much you’re giving her) OR she grows to hate your constant nagging in her “feelings.”
If she’s got troubles, become her friend and help her … and move on to a girl who’s healthy and ready to mate.
4) She’s Fuelled By Drama
There are women with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder, and I’m not talking about them. Being bipolar must suck, but with some knowledge and meds I’m told it’s managable.
I’m talking about a woman who NEEDs to find the drama in every situation. Somewhere along the line she’s learned that by being overly loud and dramatic she can get her way… and it’s super pathetic, annoying and a real boner killer.
Just realize that she’s insecure and lacks empathy which comes across as selfish.
At first you might get drawn into this drama because she’s a challenge, she’s mysterious and your instincts WANT you to figure her out (and slay her in bed.)
Don’t try to conquer her… she’s fools mate.
She ain’t girlfriend material dude. Just laugh and walk away.
5) She’s Got Magic Pussy Syndrome
This is a girl who learned from a young age that a man’s desire to get at her puss will make him do just about anything… which misleads her to over inflate her value and worth. She’s basically learned to take all men for granted, and to expect gifts, lavish attention and a “pass” on all her bad behaviours. And she’s right… if you’re a dude willing to pay for The Promise of Pussy (that’s a great book title!)
The Magic Pussy Syndrome (MPS) is the belief that because a woman has a pussy, she is entitled to special privileges at other people’s expense. Like free drinks. Free dinner. Undeserved attention. The list goes on.
What she doesn’t want to acknowledge is that any rude or socially inappropriate behaviours she feels she can get away with only works on guys who are desperate, needy, insecure, or whipped.
That’s not you man. You’ve learned how to be a better man.
You’ve already learned that your next orgasm is just a handshake away… literally. And it’s free. So why chase a chick if she’s got nothing to bring to the table except attitude?
Dont’ chase ass, it’s a game you won’t win. Trading your money, time, and balls, for her approval is NOT a fair trade.
Instead weed her out of your cell phone the moment she expects anything from you… which you’ll spot in the first few dates. She’ll say things like, “Oh, I have food allergies, I can only eat in the most expensive of restaurants. It’s just what I’m used to.”
The sad truth is that most women like this WILL find some sucker who will giver her all his money and attention, without realizing that she wont’ feel any true attraction for a guy she doesn’t respect.
6) Encourages Orbiters
All her friends are guys.
These guys all want in her pants. They “orbit” her at all times.
She knows they secretly love her, but has decided “it’s okay.”
She says things like, “I just seem to get along better with guys… women are just sooo catty.”
Why is this a problem?
1) There’s just something unbalanced about a woman who can’t make friends with other women. Either she’s secretly really insecure and threatened by other women with different opinions, or she’s become so pampered by the good behaviour of her guy friends that she’s deluding herself about how the world really works.
2) I somehow feel this is super misleading and unfair to the guys who think they’re going to some day WIN her heart… especially when she know show to flirt at just the right time to get what she wants from them. It’s a form of manipulation and I don’t like it.
3) Don’t date a girl who comes with her own Cock Blocks. It’s not worth the effort.
SIDE NOTE: Realize what I’m saying here… it’s not a problem when women have close life-long guy friends… it’s only a problem when she’s so insecure that she can’t handle the conflicts of normal (real) relationships so she insulates herself with men fighting for her attention and who will never argue or fight with her. Being put on a pedestal is a great place to live when you can get away with it, but it makes it hard for the other person in the relationship… don’t let that be you.
7) She’s A Narcissist
I’m not a fucking doctor, so don’t hold me accountable when my following description isn’t text book narcissism. Hugz?
Red Flags worth noting:
- She only cares about herself. Forever.
- Her attitude: “Love me or else!”
- Her Facebook page is an endless cascade of self made portraits in a mirror and drenched in daily personal updates meant to update the world (who doesn’t care) with her most personal challenges and victories (which nobody asked for.)
- She’s always manipulating you and others to get what she wants. When she’s being nice it’s temporary and always followed by some type of blow up.
- She doesn’t’ sympathize with anyone else, especially you. She never shows empathy for others, except when trying to get something for herself.
- She never admits to being wrong. She doesn’t take responsibility for her bad choices and often blames the world around her. She really believes she’s entitled and doesn’t care about other people’s feelings.
- And she knows how to manipulate you into loving her more and more… but ultimately it’s always about HER. Her goals are how to get what SHE wants, even if she has to fake “nice” with you.
- She’s a taker and will drain your soul.
8) She’s Baby Hungry
There’s nothing wrong with wanting children… when you’re both happily together already. It’s not okay with you’ve had three dates and she’s desperate for your seed.
Pros: She’s horny and desperate and hungry for your sexy moves.
Con’s: Didn’t you read the title? SHE WANTS BABIES! AHHHHHHhhhhhhh
- Until you’re both deep into a relationship she really just see’s you as a donor.
- She’ll ignore all the reasons you’re not a good match for her in her desperation to get pregnant.
- There’s no romance… and an unspoken lack of true intimacy or rapport. It feels loveless.
- Instead of developing herself into an amazing girlfriend she’ll focus her efforts on manipulating you to get what she wants.
This is a loveless approach to making a family… I recommend you avoid these girls.
9) Her Sexual Hangups
Sex is a relationship barometer. It’s a great indicator of how healthy your relationship is. Lots of sex, or even too little, aren’t necessarily bad signs… but when someone isn’t specifically not getting what they want in the bedroom it’s a huge RED FLAG.
Being naked is about as vulnerable as we can get with another person, especially because it leaves us open to injury (emotional and physical!) So when there’s any trouble in the connection we feel with our partner it tends to be amplified in the bedroom.
And if there’s problems when you first start dating it’s only going to get WAY worse when the relationship progresses (or doesn’t progress.)
Assuming we are bringing our true selves to the relationship (being open, honest, sincere, vulnerable and loving) then these are some RED FLAGS on her side:
- No Blow jobs. This is like saying “No fries” when ordering at the MacDonald’s Drive Thru. Who doesn’t like fries!?
- No lights on sex. Basically she’s so insecure about her appearance she doesn’t want you to see it.
- She thinks most sexual positions are degrading and only “allows” missionary position. I feel that it’s okay that she has preferences, but that it’s NOT okay to judge you for having your own.
- She uses sex to control you in some way, likely by holding it back to gain an upper hand.
- No sex until marriage. Women should be cautious about who they sleep with, but having such huge walls BEFORE marriage makes it impossible for a guy to REALLY get to know her… and marriage is too improtant for such a gamble.
Many sexual hangups can be resolved through loving discussions and patience, but ultimately her past baggage isn’t your responsibility.
Progress with her at your own risk.
10) Jealous Emotional Vampire
Life is too short to be chasing women who are obviously damaged in some way, for example:
- Jealousy problems: this comes from a lack of trust, perhaps her Daddy issues, or perhaps every past boyfriend cheated on her. In all cases it’s your job to be open and honest and give her a little time to realize you’re not her past. If she can’t figure this out then meet someone who does.
- Needy, insecure, or otherwise spineless: sometimes a needy girl is just someone who’s been abused and beaten down by life… if she’s self aware enough to be working on building her self esteem then have patience. If she’s looking for a boyfriend who will “fix everything” then flea.
- Vampire: does she know just how to TAKE your positive vibe and drain you of it by constant complaining, pointing out everyone’s flaws, and gossiping about her best friends? She’ll kill you.
- Tries to make you her girlfriend: being her emotional shit bucket will leave you depressed and flaccid.
- Hates your friends: sometimes this is an attempt to isolate you from the influence of others. Her focus is manipulation and self interest. Or maybe your friends are assholes…
- If she’s scouring your Facebook, email and cell phone records then it leaves you constantly defensive and on gaurd… and that’s the opposite of how you should feel when your’e dating.
Let me leave you with this last thought….
Learning the skill of “walking away as early as possible” is just as valuable as learning how to “pick her up and seduce her.”
Pay attention to the Red Flags before you fly over the edge of a damaged road to depression and rage.
P.S. Leave your thoughts below: