10 Signs She’s Not Girlfriend Material

After having so many unsatisfying first dates I began to recognize certain patterns and behaviours in the women I was choosing… some people might call these “Red Flags” … I called them “turn ons.” But how often do Red Flags turn into Girlfriend Material?

Probably never…

But I’ve learned my lessons so that you can too.

Is She Girlfriend Material?

As a man I KNOW how easy it is to become Captain Save-A-Hoe. I realize that a woman’s beauty can blind us to her secret motives and her otherwise more obvious damage. But, just incase you CAN’T see the trees for the forrest (because her rack is so epic) perhaps this list will help you filter out some poor choices while you search for Mrs. Perfect Ass.

Realize that my following “signs” are meant to help you avoid escalating a relationship from “just dating” (having random hookups, partying together, and otherwise having fun) to “being exclusive” (now she’s your full-time problem.) For example, the “Party Girl” might not make a great “girlfriend” but she might provide a road map to drinks, fun and shared orgasims!

So filter these women out at your own risk. πŸ™‚

Side Note: While reading (then sharing with your friends) this post please realize something… I’m being a superficial asshole. I mean, I’ll write anything for a laugh. Obviously there’s always exceptions to the rules so use your own best judgement. Hell, even hookers can sometimes make great girlfriends (proof.)

1) Her Facebook Is Drunk

Here’s the problem with the Party Girl… she’s sooo much fun! You feel intoxicated when you’re around her, but it’s not because she’s awesome, it’s because she’s raping your throat with booze and her stinky beer breath.

The exception to this rule is if you’re a Party Guy… which I’m not, so I’m a little biased on this one.

You can’t tame a wild animal. If her Facebook Wall is littered 4-years-deep with “I got so drunk this weekend!” status updates, “oops-thats-my-panties” photos, or the “who’s the gross drunk guy giving you a piggy back ride” questions from friends, then she’s not going to be a great girlfriend.

She’s wild, she’s awesome to hang with, but don’t commit to girl who will make you fight for her time and attention. Trust me, you’re never going to make her as happy as the 50 strange guys at the bar showering her with free drinks and compliments. She’s not looking for commitment, she’s looking for distraction.Β She’s not girlfriend material.

2) She’s Chasing An Ex

Does she want a relationship or not

I recall having the most amazing first date with this super cute brunet who was training for something called the “Canadian Death Race.” And it took a few hours of dinner, drinks, and a sun set walk along the Edmonton River Valley before I finally figured why she seemed so distant… she explained that she was still really into her ex-boyfriend and she couldn’t figure out why. That’s when I went from potential suitor to councillor.

Try to realize something… attraction isn’t a choice. It’s not about what she thinks about you, it’s how she FEELS about you. And if her FEELINGS are tied up in some other guy there’s NOTHING you can do about it. You can’t compete when she already has feeling of attraction for someone else, especially if that someone else isn’t really into her.

Don’t waste your time trying to “convince” her to let him go, she won’t. Move on, quickly!

Don’t be the crutch she needs to get over her ex because as soon as she’s let him go she’ll let you go too.

Being “super nice” makes her like you, but not WANT you.

Many great guys will NOT heed this advice and it makes me sadz.

(Learn the subtle art of attracting beautiful women! Try my course! Here’s 80% off )

3) She’s Got A Case Of The Sadz

Pros: She latches onto you for comfort and support… this can make you feel needed and loved.

Con’s: You’re like a bandaid to her real problems, not the cure. She might appreciate your efforts but her real underlying problems are NOT your responsibility.

It’s really shitty that so many people suffer from depression but in the search for a perfect partner you need to be selective. Its YOUR future you’re working on… don’t start by making this new girl your next 5-year project. Her bagagge isn’t YOUR baggage. It’s in our nature as men to try to “fix” things, but when you start a relationship on different grounds (you’re happy and she’s not) then your foundation is setup to fail. Either you’ll grow to resent her for being a burden (and not appreciating how much you’re giving her) OR she grows to hate your constant nagging in her “feelings.”

If she’s got troubles, become her friend and help her … and move on to a girl who’s healthy and ready to mate.

4) She’s Fuelled By Drama

There are women with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder, and I’m not talking about them. Being bipolar must suck, but with some knowledge and meds I’m told it’s managable.

I’m talking about a woman who NEEDs to find the drama in every situation. Somewhere along the line she’s learned that by being overly loud and dramatic she can get her way… and it’s super pathetic, annoying and a real boner killer.

Just realize that she’s insecure and lacks empathy which comes across as selfish.

At first you might get drawn into this drama because she’s a challenge, she’s mysterious and your instincts WANT you to figure her out (and slay her in bed.)

Don’t try to conquer her… she’s fools mate.

She ain’t girlfriend material dude. Just laugh and walk away.

Then RUN!

5) She’s Got Magic Pussy Syndrome

This is a girl who learned from a young age that a man’s desire to get at her puss will make him do just about anything… which misleads her to over inflate her value and worth. She’s basically learned to take all men for granted, and to expect gifts, lavish attention and a “pass” on all her bad behaviours. And she’s right… if you’re a dude willing to pay for The Promise of Pussy (that’s a great book title!)

The Magic Pussy Syndrome (MPS) is the belief that because a woman has a pussy, she is entitled to special privileges at other people’s expense. Like free drinks. Free dinner. Undeserved attention. The list goes on.

What she doesn’t want to acknowledge is that any rude or socially inappropriate behaviours she feels she can get away with only works on guys who are desperate, needy, insecure, or whipped.

That’s not you man. You’ve learned how to be a better man.

You’ve already learned that your next orgasm is just a handshake away… literally. And it’s free. So why chase a chick if she’s got nothing to bring to the table except attitude?

Dont’ chase ass, it’s a game you won’t win. Trading your money, time, and balls, for her approval is NOT a fair trade.

Instead weed her out of your cell phone the moment she expects anything from you… which you’ll spot in the first few dates. She’ll say things like, Oh, I have food allergies, I can only eat in the most expensive of restaurants. It’s just what I’m used to.”

The sad truth is that most women like this WILL find some sucker who will giver her all his money and attention, without realizing that she wont’ feel any true attraction for a guy she doesn’t respect.

6) Encourages Orbiters

All her friends are guys.

These guys all want in her pants. They “orbit” her at all times.

She knows they secretly love her, but has decided “it’s okay.”

She says things like, “I just seem to get along better with guys… women are just sooo catty.”

Why is this a problem?

1) There’s just something unbalanced about a woman who can’t make friends with other women. Either she’s secretly really insecure and threatened by other women with different opinions, or she’s become so pampered by the good behaviour of her guy friends that she’s deluding herself about how the world really works.

2) I somehow feel this is super misleading and unfair to the guys who think they’re going to some day WIN her heart… especially when she know show to flirt at just the right time to get what she wants from them. It’s a form of manipulation and I don’t like it.

3) Don’t date a girl who comes with her own Cock Blocks. It’s not worth the effort.

SIDE NOTE: Realize what I’m saying here… it’s not a problem when women have close life-long guy friends… it’s only a problem when she’s so insecure that she can’t handle the conflicts of normal (real) relationships so she insulates herself with men fighting for her attention and who will never argue or fight with her. Being put on a pedestal is a great place to live when you can get away with it, but it makes it hard for the other person in the relationship… don’t let that be you.

7) She’s A Narcissist


I’m not a fucking doctor, so don’t hold me accountable when my following description isn’t text book narcissism. Hugz?

Red Flags worth noting:

  • She only cares about herself. Forever.
  • Her attitude: “Love me or else!”
  • Her Facebook page is an endless cascade of self made portraits in a mirror and drenched in daily personal updates meant to update the world (who doesn’t care) with her most personal challenges and victories (which nobody asked for.)
  • She’s always manipulating you and others to get what she wants. When she’s being nice it’s temporary and always followed by some type of blow up.
  • She doesn’t’ sympathize with anyone else, especially you. She never shows empathy for others, except when trying to get something for herself.
  • She never admits to being wrong. She doesn’t take responsibility for her bad choices and often blames the world around her. She really believes she’s entitled and doesn’t care about other people’s feelings.
  • And she knows how to manipulate you into loving her more and more… but ultimately it’s always about HER. Her goals are how to get what SHE wants, even if she has to fake “nice” with you.
  • She’s a taker and will drain your soul.


8) She’s Baby Hungry

Baby Hungry

There’s nothing wrong with wanting children… when you’re both happily together already. It’s not okay with you’ve had three dates and she’s desperate for your seed.

Pros: She’s horny and desperate and hungry for your sexy moves.

Con’s: Didn’t you read the title? SHE WANTS BABIES! AHHHHHHhhhhhhh

  • Until you’re both deep into a relationship she really just see’s you as a donor.
  • She’ll ignore all the reasons you’re not a good match for her in her desperation to get pregnant.
  • There’s no romance… and an unspoken lack of true intimacy or rapport. It feels loveless.
  • Instead of developing herself into an amazing girlfriend she’ll focus her efforts on manipulating you to get what she wants.

This is a loveless approach to making a family… I recommend you avoid these girls.

9) Her Sexual Hangups

sexual hangups

Sex is a relationship barometer. It’s a great indicator of how healthy your relationship is. Lots of sex, or even too little, aren’t necessarily bad signs… but when someone isn’t specifically not getting what they want in the bedroom it’s a huge RED FLAG.

Being naked is about as vulnerable as we can get with another person, especially because it leaves us open to injury (emotional and physical!) So when there’s any trouble in the connection we feel with our partner it tends to be amplified in the bedroom.

And if there’s problems when you first start dating it’s only going to get WAY worse when the relationship progresses (or doesn’t progress.)

Assuming we are bringing our true selves to the relationship (being open, honest, sincere, vulnerable and loving) then these are some RED FLAGS on her side:

  • No Blow jobs. This is like saying “No fries” when ordering at the MacDonald’s Drive Thru. Who doesn’t like fries!?
  • No lights on sex. Basically she’s so insecure about her appearance she doesn’t want you to see it.
  • She thinks most sexual positions are degrading and only “allows” missionary position. I feel that it’s okay that she has preferences, but that it’s NOT okay to judge you for having your own.
  • She uses sex to control you in some way, likely by holding it back to gain an upper hand.
  • No sex until marriage. Women should be cautious about who they sleep with, but having such huge walls BEFORE marriage makes it impossible for a guy to REALLY get to know her… and marriage is too improtant for such a gamble.

Many sexual hangups can be resolved through loving discussions and patience, but ultimately her past baggage isn’t your responsibility.

Progress with her at your own risk.

10) Jealous Emotional Vampire

emotional vampire

Life is too short to be chasing women who are obviously damaged in some way, for example:

  • Jealousy problems: this comes from a lack of trust, perhaps her Daddy issues, or perhaps every past boyfriend cheated on her. In all cases it’s your job to be open and honest and give her a little time to realize you’re not her past. If she can’t figure this out then meet someone who does.
  • Needy, insecure, or otherwise spineless: sometimes a needy girl is just someone who’s been abused and beaten down by life… if she’s self aware enough to be working on building her self esteem then have patience. If she’s looking for a boyfriend who will “fix everything” then flea.
  • Vampire: does she know just how to TAKE your positive vibe and drain you of it by constant complaining, pointing out everyone’s flaws, and gossiping about her best friends? She’ll kill you.
  • Tries to make you her girlfriend: being her emotional shit bucket will leave you depressed and flaccid.
  • Hates your friends: sometimes this is an attempt to isolate you from the influence of others. Her focus is manipulation and self interest. Or maybe your friends are assholes…
  • If she’s scouring your Facebook, email and cell phone records then it leaves you constantly defensive and on gaurd… and that’s the opposite of how you should feel when your’e dating.

Let me leave you with this last thought….

Learning the skill of “walking away as early as possible” is just as valuable as learning how to “pick her up and seduce her.”

Pay attention to the Red Flags before you fly over the edge of a damaged road to depression and rage.

~ Robby


P.S. Leave your thoughts below:




54 thoughts on “10 Signs She’s Not Girlfriend Material

  1. Coni says:

    I was equally gonna say the same. I’m gonna say all my make friends have proven to only want one thing! But still the rest have proven more on guy traits than mine.

  2. geo lopez says:

    bros , go for the good looking one always . I tell my son "an ugly smelly girl and a beautiful girl can just as easily Break your heart the same way right !!!!! – so always go for the beauty with the good "job" period…….

    • geo lopez says:

      Bros Homies and Dudes, Like I tell my son AAAlways go for the Beauty and good job girl… because a Ugly smelly no life woman can just as easily Break you little Heart the Same way…. it feels exactly the same Right !!!!!!

  3. Steph says:

    In my dating circles, I have found that a lot of men posess many of the negative qualities in this list. Like narcissism, depressive pessimism, jealousy, insecurity. Many men also seem attached to their exes and will talk about them or compare you to them. There are also men who profess to want children and get pouty if YOU bring the condoms. Seems like this blog can be ascribed equally to men and women.

  4. Angela says:

    If looks and sexual attraction could make someone girlfriend material then many girls would make it. Unfortunately, girlfriend material is much more than looks and sex.

  5. The Truth says:

    Most of the women nowadays love sleeping around with all different kinds of men every single chance that they get since they will never be able to commit to just only one. And they obviously will never be marriage material at all.

  6. Viz says:

    Nice suggestions. These are interesting and peircing considering the multiple generations that exist before and most certainly since the purported “sexual revolution” of the late 60’s, 70’s.

    Among the dirty s*umbag realities existant before and since, the concurrent psychosexuality pushed via tv, film. Stupid and untenable situations rewritten ostensibly for “entertainment purposes” though, that eschewed, feeds highly weaponized and arbitrary social, sexual expectations and norms.

    You, effecting a form of counter-spin from the male perspective is good.

    Other suggestions…

    Avoid drama, violence, self destructive behavior if you’re being shunted, strung along. Even if there isn’t anyone on the horizon. Lose her and disempower your attachment to such who is treating you this way.
    After a certain point, being teased is insulting, esp. if you are being used to train or test out control/attention (for newbs, kids etc, this is a matter of self respect, which you must not compromise or trade off because you are in want of sex, love, companionship) or psychologically injure yourself by dodging and escaping into “I’m not worthy” or other such bs.

    Whether or not you come from a great situation, avoid acting like a douchebag. Making a mess of yourself or life. In Zoology and other sciences, it’s an established FACT that females generally select males. Then seek them for sex, security, etc. Using non-verbal indicators of interest to attract is apart of what they do, also working with the implied promise of sex and intimacy. If/when a female does this to attract you, then changes course. Recognize if you feel attachment of some form. If she calls, texts you often but gives cheap excuses, or dodges attempts to hang out or do something, disconnect. Kick her and your feelings for her to the curb. Don’t bother bitching to her about it. Being shunted/friendzoned is tactical, is meant to be insulting, is used as a vindictive move by females who might have been used and dumped, or strung along by previous males which? Isn’t your problem to deal with or suffer because of.

    Not all women are evil or bad, though again, the way they are conditioned via family, religion/s, moral spew from tv, film, extremely depraved “co-dependency” creating and maintaining music and social programming is apart of the basic cultural programming. Child-like state in and adolescent, post adolescent, pre, then adult brain isn’t very desireable. Though these are apart of the mindset of destructive, vindictive, even soft bullying behavior that females will or try to effect on you.

    Appearance and presence alone DON’T constitute an offer of or for anything.
    Non-verbal shows without attempts at creating or building rapport don’t mean dick. “Actions speak louder than words” oversimplified moronics and adhereinv to or the inverse is begging for disappointment, disaster. An attracted woman IS… Going to talk, make time for you. And not make an ass out of you or herself in doing so. Selection, isn’t magical or unconscious, though the culture driven insult that they are will always be forced on us.

    They effect the right to choose who they want, for what or not.

    You have the right to recognize, accept or discard just like they do (never ever forget that!). If they use use the tease or implied promise to attract you then string you along, kick them to the curb for life. Over time, people from the past that discarded you, whether they “learned better” or not, will revert back to previous behaviors among those they pulled these tricks on. Be aware, avoid or go forth, at your own risk.

    If you are confronted by unsolicited mystical “I’m sorries” for no apparent reason, esp. by females you recently met, dimly are aware of or deal with, avoid like the plague. If you’re overweight, bald, seemingly not physically attractive, that’s what they, attempting to effect situational control are trying to do. Find and activate surrogate sibling/parental minded sympathy for them that is non-sexual. Then situational, psychologically parasite off you. Enhance their lifestyle by listening to you go on about yourself, hobbies, activities, tastes. Some? Then show, display, experience these with the male they want to impress or be with. Which? Isn’t you obviously.

    Other types not mentioned above to avoid like the plaugue,

    “I’m friends with the band”.

    “Ms. Moral, non-sexual, I care for You, Mom”.

    Bank Tellers. Bar Maids. Co-workers above or below you in the foodchain.

    Any unrelated, attractive female that you know and aren’t with that, refers to you as “family”.

    Good Luck. Never Give Up.

  7. A guy says:

    Flavia. If I a guy secretly stays around for you despite the fact you don’t want to be in a relationship you have to tell him this. Ad make sure he understands this fully. Or if things persist you just avoid contacting him. Men and (Ive seen this) will pursue this until the end of time. You may not think it. But to him you’re leading him on. Or he’s just an idiot. I had a friend who kissed my best friend Julian and she asked me “how do I tell him I don’t like him” and I told her. “That’s what you tell him” there are no easy way outs for men. If he’s too stubborn to listen don’t talk to him anymore. If you can get it through his head then be his friend. But there is no in the middle.

  8. Evelyn says:

    As a woman, I’m not offended about this article. I found it amusing and honest. Also, this list would be fitting for men too. I went on a first date with a guy a few months ago, and he decided to get drunk and puke on himself. Yup, it surely was a red flag.

  9. rich c says:

    To be honest looking through the list I generally agree with a lot of these points – at the same time I think the problem many single guy’s face is the majority of the women they’re likely to meet who are single and approachable are going to fit in one or many of these characteristics.

    I am not into party girls at all, I may have been when I was 26 but at around 28 I started to grow up and all of a sudden I began to find drunk flirty women unreliable and immature towards their emotional attitude to life and relationships.

    Besides the forever getting drunk issue, who actually wants to invest time in a woman who feels the need to be wearing as little as possible around men who will undoubtedly be trying it on, on a weekly / monthly basis – insecure guy or just an attention obsessed woman? I personally think you are as secure in a relationship as you can be by the level of respect you are inherently given by your partner….

    Which is also why I agree that a girl who forever needs to be surrounded by men who are clearly showing signs of interest beyond ‘just friends’ towards her is better avoided from the start!!!

    Trust your instincts not your paranoia – 99 percent of the time you will be right.

    I’ve never been the type of guy to become sexually involved with a woman quickly and to many extents it’s helped me to really get a sense of her values, ability to persevere and how good her character really is – long before we ever get to the stage of entering into a physical relationship.

    It’s also good to notice if she goes elsewhere during that time, if she’s a decent girl / woman she’ll naturally feel a sense of commitment to you and will not be the type of woman whos been a little too quick to get into bed with a guy before anything solid has developed.

    Maybe I am unique with that opinion but it’s also one of my biggest turn offs and has also made sure all of my relationships have been long lasting even if they ended up teaching me things in different areas.

    One thing I’ve learnt to put into words is this:

    The wrong partner can lead to depression, fear and emotional damage whilst the right one can enhance your life and make each day a challenge worth facing – so look at it this way…

    It’s better to have 30 hours of community service I.e good behaviour for the right person in the beginning, than serve life for rushing into the wrong one.

    Having a child with the wrong woman or ending up catching something / being cheated on etc can change your life for the course of 20 years or end it.

    If someone can’t behave themselves for the 30 hours of spending time together would you really want to serve life for them?

    I know I wouldn’t πŸ™‚

    Thanks for the advice and your information it’s a great column to read good stuff πŸ™‚

  10. a man says:

    Man.. You are really a genius.. Well thought out material…! and one more thing about girls.. Never see a girl with a logical eye.. they are emotional rather than logical most of the times..

  11. Flavia says:

    I'm a woman and I think it's a good article. It makes sense.

    As for the premarital sex issue, I think that it has to be a matter of shared values i.e. some people value sensuality in their relationships and others value their religious beliefs which condemn pre-marital sex. It's all personal choice, as long as people don't use it to play games but rather act true to themselves. People have to realize though that choosing to wait until marriage can turn out ugly if the couple happens to be sexually incompatible- BAD situation. But if that's the choice that the two people decided to make they get to deal with consequences. C'est la vie.

    Your blog is different from a lot of lot of other "advice for men" websites that are spiteful and near-sighted in the advice that they give to guys. Thanks for being respectful to us women.

    Question about "orbiters": if a girl has male aquaintances, or "orbiters" as you put it, who never openly expressed their interest in her but it's pretty obvious that they find her sexually attractive (again, such is life). What would be a fair action on her part? Cutting them off would not be a viable option, but what would be?

    Another scenario: a man asks a woman out and she tells him she is only interested in being friends. He chooses to stick around (secretly pining for more than friendship). What would be a proper action on her part so that she doesn't inadvertently lead him on?

  12. princess says:

    The comment about not dating someone who is depressed can go the other way too. I do not think I would knowingly start dating a man who is clinically depressed. But if I fell in love with him before he became clinically depressed then I would support him.

    As for someone being clinically depressed, no single human being experiences it the same way or responds to it in the same manner. What some people don’t understand is that a partner who does not take responsibility for his/her own illness (physical and/or mental) and depends on you for absolutely everything, expecting you to be a miracle problem solver rather than their partner is extremely draining of positive energy.

    Another person may not do this and actually take ownership of their own illness. If a alcohol dependent person does not want to stop drinking and you have asked them if they want to stop the task is not yours to fulfil but theirs. They will only stop if they want to. But they cannot blame you for it. That’s where the problem lies.

    With depression, you cannot make someone see a psychologist, not misuse illegal substances to handle their illness, take medications, take part in activities they used to like. If it is someone you love and you are watching them unmotivated and in a dark place you can feel helpless and exasperated.

  13. Southern Ninja says:

    Very impressive article, I’m still in AWE because I came across a girl like this this past summer, glad to say I dodged the bullet and decided to focus on myself (appearance), definitely worth it. To all the other men out there falling fir women of this nature – DROP’EM, it may seem tough in the beginning but its achievable and worth every once of strength and sweat.

    Thanks again,


    • Robert Belland says:

      I guess I see sexual hangups as anything that prevents us from fully enjoying sex with someone we love or trust. In my opinion this includes any religious beliefs that suggest we should feel judged or shamed for our sexual desires or expressions.

      This doesn’t mean what I think and feel is “right” for any one else. Your beliefs and morals should dictate what make you happy and satisfied. I simply suggest we all take a moment to question the agenda of those trying to dictate how and when we enjoy sex.

  14. nope says:

    you're basically saying depressed girls don't deserve to be loved. well fuck you asshole. you obviously don't know A THING about depressed people. some of them are even better than dumbasses like you. they deserve to be loved 10x more than you do. 'not girlfriend material' my ass

      • Telecaster says:

        Prepare to be alone. In any long term relationship you will have to deal with at least one of your ten points. People are human. Humans have issues. You apparently have the need for a perfectly balanced partner out there for you. Loving human frailties shows empathy. All words that are undoubtedly lost on you? My advice: don't date people who believe in perfection.

      • trudy says:

        Agreed…its interesting to get a male perspective…all the lists apply the other way around too!

        Is your real name Bellend?

        P.s nothing offensive…common sense really

  15. Guest says:

    You had me 'till #9 as well, and I'm a bit shocked. I've actually enjoyed most of your other insights; it's nice to hear a man acknowledge a woman's need for trust. Premarital sex is just another stop on that spectrum. Yes, making a covenant (contract) IS a social construct. That's a good thing. It protects me from jerks who take and leave. It's the reverse of Magical Pussy. Men don't have Magical Cocks – they're not entitled to get frisky. Why should I give a man everything he wants (sex) when I am not getting everything I want (security)? Are you REALLLY suggesting that a woman who chooses to have faith isn't worth dating? There goes my respect – whoosh –

    • robertbelland says:

      I appreciate what you're saying here because it gives me a different perspective. I realize my reasons won't change how you feel on the topic of sex before marriage, but perhaps it'll help someone else.

      No Sex is a Red Flag to me because intimacy is everything when it comes to a long term romantic relationship.

      You can build a relationship upon a foundation of sharing and trust and intimacy while still being patient and cautious enough to avoid predators and liars.


      You can use fear (of cheating, of the church, of social judgements, etc) to guide your decisions and relationships, hoping that a contract and "God's" approval will make it all work out in the end.

      I suspect that in your case there are plenty of guys with the same Red Flags you have and who will be blind to your games. Which means you're going to do fine no matter what I think. – whoosh –

  16. Devansh says:

    Thanks Robbie.. It's really a helpful article.. and helped me a lot to figure out this manipulative and insecure girl with Narcissistic personality..!! they say Ditch the B … but I've realized after reading this..
    thanks man πŸ˜€

  17. some nice guy says:

    Female Reader,

    So in response to your post, what would it mean for a woman who never wants to have sex but claims that she loves you? Can you believe her? Based on what you said about sex=love, if she never wants to have sex does that mean she’ll never truly love you, despite what she says?

    I have no intention in trying to disprove anything you said, I just want to know what it means so I can better deal with my current situation.

    Also, what would you think of a woman who says she never wants to have kids? Is this also a red flag? Or will they change their minds once her maternal side kicks in?

  18. Female Reader says:

    I'm here because I followed a link to this blog, randomly posted elsewhere. I'm female but I gave this post a read anyway. You lost me at number nine. I'll be giving myself to one man, only and ever, and that man will be my husband. Hopefully he'll appreciate that. I'm not religious either. It's not a religious thing. If a woman will sleep with you without a REAL commitment, then 1) you have no way of ever truly knowing how many others there have been, and 2) you have no assurance/insurance of future fidelity where you're concerned. Think about that…

    • robertbelland says:

      I appreciate the feedback, especially from a woman's point of view!

      Here's my thoughts on your two comments:
      1) If a woman will sleep with you without a REAL commitment, then you have no way of ever truly knowing how many others there have been.

      I suspect you can't see how judgmental and insecure this type of thinking is…. it's like saying, "If she's had many other lovers then having sex with her doesn't have value" which is complete nonsense. It's ego and social conditioning that propagates such silly ideas. I don't care how many men my woman has been with, I only care that she's completely open and honest and sincere and vulnerable when she's with me, and visa versa.

      Think about the air we breath… how many human lungs have recycled that air before it's gone through our own lungs? Does it matter? It gives me life, that's all I care about.

      2) You have no assurance/insurance of future fidelity where you're concerned.

      This also makes no sense. A woman's past number of partners is not directly related to her ability to commit to a man she falls in love with.

      • Female Reader says:

        My thinking is neither judgmental nor insecure. It's not good practice to put thoughts in others heads or words in their mouths by the use of (it's like saying) "quotes," either. Saving myself has to do with respect for myself and respect for my future mate. It has nothing to do with social conditioning, propaganda, religion, etc. I'm not religious, and I'm very liberal, politically speaking. I don't care how many women you personally have been with. I was just a little off-put by your advice to any man or woman reading this that the sex/marriage standard is somehow a "red flag." That's bad advice. But I realize we all have personal motives in our advice and opinions. Even you. With boys, it starts very early in the teen/tween years, shaming girls into sex (she's a prude, etc). Understand that women do NOT view sex the same as men do. Women equate sex with love, regardless of what we may SAY. Sex = love. Therefore, it is in a woman's best interest to wait for real commitment, not the other way around (believing sex will elicit a commitment). You believe a wife who has been with one partner (You) is no less likely to wander than one who has had countless previous partners (the number to which you'll never know)? I think differently.


        • Captain Obvious says:

          So he may not speak on behalf of you, but you may speak on behalf of your entire gender. Take a look at your own words and, no offence, stop being a bitch. Deal with your issues in therapy instead of in comment sections online.

        • Acatisfinetoo says:

          That argument works both ways.

          A woman who has only been with one man may stray because she wants experience. Sure vanilla ice cream is nice, but how do I know how good it is without ever having tried the other flavours? (Mint chocolate is totally the best. :)). Perspective.

          And also, clearly you don’t know men, because, we’ll, you aren't one. Check out some male psychology. (This is not an attack.) Men in relationships also perceive sex as love. In fact it’s the primary source of confirmation for a man. You know the old phrase: A woman needs to feel loved to have sex, a man needs to have sex to feel loved. And it’s true.
          But how often do you hear of the sex-starved wife?

          • Telecaster says:

            Sorry to be a mathematics nerd, but this just screams out for a quick interjection. "Men in relationships also perceive sex as love". Correction one: in psychology you talk a bout tendencies. "Men in relationships have a tendency to validate their status in love by their partners sexual desire for him" is the actual quote. Quite different. The " tendency" part is critical. It doesn't represent all men, it doesn't even cover one man for all of his life. It indicates a potential that a statistically significant number of men have at some point in their lives. Generalisation really annoys me.

        • Adam Jonathan says:

          I think when you say “Women equate sex with love, regardless of what we may SAY. Sex = love.” what you mean to say is YOU equate sex with love. I do partially agree with you….I think a great deal of both men and woman equate sex with love, however, I also think an equal amount of woman don’t equate sex to love at all. To just as many Sex=sex. It’s a personality thing, not a gender thing. Some people associate sex with love and some don’t associate it with anything but human nature. You can’t lump all woman into the same mindset of sex=love. People are people. How we think about sex isn’t determined simply by our gender. It’s determined by the way you personally feel about it. Most likely influenced in somen way by your culture, family, religion, education and whatever else makes you, You.

          Just my personal opinion..

  19. Sane man says:

    Good article. I have also learnt red flag warnings over the last couple of years, although one girl was incredible at saying all the right things and it wasn't until I was in love with her I started to see how full of shit she was, she was definitely a narcissist, encouraged orbiters, a vampire, drama queen etc etc. What a nightmare, and heartbreaking that this amazing girl I fell for didn't even exist. Sad part was I think she believed her own BS, so any attempt at discussing her behavior would result in child like emotional manipulation and denial.
    Anyway reading this article makes me realize that I basically only attract crazy women in to my life, this makes me feel sadz….. I have a theory that most of the good women get snapped up early because A. They are lovable so find a guy quickly. B. The guy knows what he's got and won't let her go. And C. Because she is a good girl she works at the relationship and keeps her man and herself happy.

    • robertbelland says:

      Thanks Sane Man, you're so right. The good ones get snatched quickly. But they also often get re-released through divorce or breakup because their man doesn't grow and mature the same way she does.

      In order to attract such quality women you should focus on your own purpose, your own happiness, and your own path. Know what I mean?

      Don't get jaded from past rejection or disappointments, that's all part of the fun seeking the right woman. Learn and let go, grow and move on. πŸ˜€

  20. Mark says:

    This was really good advice I even booked marked the page for future reference. Thanks alot man, this will help really help me in search of a real woman, you know someone to really settle down with, because with all the points mentioned above is something that I'm sure all guys will want to avoid. You're the best man for helping out the fellas. πŸ™‚

  21. nathan says:

    wonderful article man i cudnt say it any better myself this just about huddles up all these type of dysfuctional girls that think there actually worth something…

  22. nathan says:

    i had a gf who was like and emotional vampire and encourage orbiters bullshit its annoying as hell an it wasted my time…basically i help her through her emotional shit bucket of problems an she still left in a heart beat an didnt call for over a year…………..these type be very cautios of..am generally a cool guy but she took me for granted an now she is regretting it an it feels so good sometimes…thats what she gets for being an asshole who is nothing more than collatoral damage!

    • robertbelland says:

      "Women are always complaining about men's fascination with breasts. But what if men were absolutely indifferent to breasts? What would women do then with these things that serve one function once or twice in a lifetime, and the rest of the time are just in the way? " ~ Jonathan Carroll

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